'AITA for not offering an open bar at my wedding?' 'I didn't think it would be this big of a deal.'
"AITA for not offering an open bar at my wedding?"
My fiancé and my wedding invites have started arriving, along with the invites is a few things we felt we should outline before the guests arrive to the reception. We have decided to not include an open bar.
I come from an alcoholic heavy family and simply don't feel comfortable being around people who are drinking heavily. Instead, my fiancé and I have decided to have a drink ticket like service instead.
With that service we've been able to customize how we want alcoholic beverages being handled at our reception and the venue says this kind of service happens all the time there, it was their suggestion in fact, so I didn't think it would be this big of a deal.
With the invitations was a card with the expectations one is to expect from the ceremony and the reception. I didn't want to shock people when they arrived so I figured the cards would be a nice, classy heads up for our guests.
The drink service bit of the card said, essentially, that alcoholic drinks were limited to two per of age guest, the "tickets" are non-transferable, and like the other beverages offered would need to be ordered from your seat at your assigned table. Drinks were also to be enjoyed at your assigned table.
I've been called a lot of rude things after family (both sides) and friends are receiving their cards. My fiancé has as well but a little less so. The most common being "bridezilla" but I did have an uncle reach out to me and say I'm an a-hole for trying to, "spoil the fun of a wedding reception."
The response has been mostly negative and has been from all sides of family and friends and now my head is swirling as I try to figure out what to do. So, AITA because I've set my reception up like this and am not offering an open bar instead?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
IrrelevantManatee said:
It's totally OK to not have an open bar at a wedding. Even limiting consumption is kinda ok. But forcing people to drink it sitting at their assigned table ?! That's over controlling. Just seems like you want your guests to jump through hoops for you for no good reasons than because you can because you are the bride. YTA.
MissSuzieSunshine said:
YTA. The issue isnt the no open bar. Its not even the ticket concept (my son and his wife chose to have a dry wedding and it was no big deal). The issue IS you playing police about how and where they drink, additionally stating that the tickets are 'non transferrable' - thats ridiculous.
If 90 year old Aunt Betty doesnt want to have ANY alcohol and is happy to give her tickets to Uncle Joe, then why not? I get that you dont want sloppy drunk people or fights or bad behavior, but going as far as playing 'dictator' to guests who are 1) bringing (generally expensive) gifts for you 2) supposedly 'family and friends' and 3) all adults, is going way too far.
GoreGoddezz said:
YTA. I hope you don't plan on very many people coming to your wedding. Trying to control people from walking around with a drink at a wedding is literally ridiculous. Also....Most people wont want to leave their drinks unattended while they go say hello to this relative or that one.
If you have so little faith in your family to not get police escort drunk, make it a dry wedding so people can atleast walk around with juice or soda. Also... Spills are gonna happen. Its life. You literally cant control everything.
runtheroad said:
YTA - I don't even drink that often and this is just weird. I'm sure they host corporate dinners with this policy all the time, but to enforce this on your friends and family like you're paying them is bizarre. If alcohol makes you that uncomfortable just don't have it, don't treat your wedding guests like they are going to the work holiday party.
GMamaS said:
If you’re so worried about people eating and drinking at your wedding- perhaps you should consider eloping or a small city hall wedding. You invite people to a wedding because you want them there to help celebrate an important life event, not as some sort of seated audience. Definitely TA.
Striking_Ad_6742 said:
YTA. Why don’t you go one step further and offer wedding branded bibs and sippy cups for all of your guests.
Far_Quantity_6133 said:
I was totally on board with your plan until I kept reading how elaborate these rules were. Sometimes people want to get up and walk around with their drinks, so forcing them to drink only at their table is a little intrusive. You are not an AH by any means for having a drink ticket-style wedding, but I think you can amend these rules so that they’re a little easier to follow. YTA.