'AITA for not paying for my GF's haircut even though she supported me for over a year?' UPDATED

"AITA for not paying for my girlfriend's haircut?"

Hi everyone. My girlfriend (32f) and I (38m) have been together for two years. I lost my job about three months into our relationship. During this time, she really came through for me and helped out A LOT. I did not have a car so she would help me deliver orders on Doordash and Grubhub so I could pay my bills. She also covered the difference out of her pocket if I was running short.

To say I'm grateful to her is an understatement. I finally found a new job two months ago. I'm saving up for a car so she's been letting me borrow hers. She accrued some debt while I was out of a job and I have repaid about half of that. However, now I'm worried that she's starting to only want me for my money.

We got into an argument over the weekend because she called to ask me if she could borrow some money to get a haircut. Apparently she is running short due to an expected home repair cost, but already paid the hairdresser a deposit that she would have to forfeit if she rescheduled it. I had a long day at work and was exhausted, both mentally and physically.

So when I noticed that my phone was ringing, I was really excited to see her name. But after I answered, she immediately asked me for money. I felt crushed because she did it without even asking how my day was first. I told her that I guess I understand what my new role is in her life now and she threw a huge fit about it.

She claims that she "gave me her everything" for a year and a half just to keep a roof over my head, and that she's accrued debt from when I wasn't working so I shouldn't be so opposed to doing her a favor. I recently bought her car a new set of tires and got the brake pads replaced, as well as gave her some money to repay the debts with.

I also have paid for the car payment and insurance since I started working because I have it at my place more than she does while I save up to buy my own. So it's not like I don't contribute to her expenses already.

She keeps guilt tripping me because "a haircut is a small ask considering everything I've done for you" which feels very controlling. Now she won't talk to me and I'm scared that she's going to breakup with me without even hearing me out.

I hated taking her money when I was jobless and that I have to use her car now, I didn't want to do it in the first place. Anytime I needed her to pay for something, it was because it was an important expense like my rent or power. So the way she is asking for something unnecessary like a haircut just feels like a slap in the face. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Commenter 1: YTA a year and a half she helped pay for all your expenses and that’s good you’ve paid back half but to get upset about her wanting for you to pay for her hair appointment because she is short on money cause she is still dealing with debts because of you is fucking ridiculous.

You brought up paying for maintenance and insurance and actual car payment but you literally said you use her car more than her so you should be paying for that. Can’t believe you have the nerve to say you think she only wants you for your money when you have USED her for almost 2 years.

OP: hey I don't think it's fair to say that I just want a sugar momma when I never felt good about taking her money in the first place

Commenter 2: Info: Have you repayed her in full yet or are you still making payments for the debt you put her in?

OP: No I have not. I've repayed about half of it.

Commenter 3: What gets me, is OP should be paying for those things on the car. He is using her car because he doesn’t have one, so he’s putting on the wear and tear. I’m sincerely hoping this is fake, because if not, this person is really is obtuse.

YTA OP. It comes across as if you were just with her for her money. Which, it sounds like you’re still using her. She’s not mad because of the haircut. She’s mad because she asked for a small favor and you completely shot her down and insulted her, after everything she’s done for you. Hopefully she smartens up and leaves you.

OP: well it's her car.

Four days later, he shared this update:

She didn’t talk to me for three days and then she dumped me

Commenters weighed in:

Commenter 1: YTA. You’ve got a lot of nerve accusing her of wanting you for your money (LOL) after all she did for you while you were unemployed. And are you really whining about making payments on her car that YOU have at your place because YOU are the one using it? Hope you gave the car back, by the way. Now that you’re single, time to take care of yourself.

That woman has been nothing but good to you, and you let her go into debt for you. And now you’re complaining about repaying that HUGE favor. The money for a haircut is nothing compared to the financial support she gave you, plus all the time she took to help with food deliveries. Not only that, that’s not money she should need to “borrow”. You should be continuing to pay her back.

Commenter 2: There is nothing more perplexing than a man thinking that he’s being used for his money when he barely has any. Do you really think that someone, who has as little as you do, could attract a gold digger? She’s looking to you for help because you finally can. Shes been spoiling you all this time, so she expected that you would do the same.

She tolerated you using her resources for almost 2 years but yet the moment that she needs you, you start bitching. This is the exact reason why women should never “hold a man down” because once he’s up, we will only be repaid with ungratefulness. YTA