'WIBTA if I told my best friend’s ex that she's not remarrying him when he leaves his wife?' UPDATED
"WIBTA if I told my best friend’s ex that she's not remarrying him when he leaves his wife?"
My best friend and her ex husband were couple goals. At least I know that my best friend loved him so much. When she found out that he cheated on her with a co worker she was in so much pain that she miscarried. She left him of course.
After a short while we heard that he started dating that colleague. I gave her more pain and it didn’t help that the woman was gloating about it on social media. Anyway my friend started speaking to her ex again and told him that she missed him etc.
He left the co worker but then my best friend said that she couldn’t forgive him anyway and broke it off again. Again, he started to date the co worker again. This time the co worker demanded that they got married because of what he did when he left her.
This time my friend was very cool about it. She wasn’t in pain and she just said oh well. They got married last august. Today I know why she is been too cool about it. She has been talking to him again and before resuming any relationship with him she wants him to get divorced. Then she told me that once he is divorced she will tell him that she didn’t want him anymore.
I was shocked. I told her so but she was very indifferent, saying that she didn’t leas him on, didn’t sleep with him and didn’t promise him anything. Just that she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him if he was married. I told her that this was going too far but she got upset and told me that I would be the AH if I warned any of them. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
KayItaly
Frankly the most important thing for you here is helping your friend move on. Whether she is an ah or not doesn't matter, she shouldn't spend her time plotting revenge because it is not healthy for her.
DueCod39 (OP)
That’s the thing. I am not sure if she is handling fhe situation the best way to move on. I am worried about her.
KayItaly
I agree but that is not going to be solved by telling the ex. Leave the ex to his own devices, he is obviously an idiot anyway. Try to help your friend to move on for real if you can (she might need therapy, especially grief therapy for the miscarriage)
Turbulent_Message637
YWBTA The ex and his girlfriend or wife will probably not believe you because you are the ex’s best friend and your best friend will not forgive you for betraying her confidence. Stay out of it and tell your friend that you don’t want to hear any more about her plans.
HappyForyou1998
Yes major AH, these people have inflicted so much pain and trauma on her. Not everyone is the high road type. Let her have her revenge and stop judging her for how she goes scorched earth.
Five months later, the OP returned with an update:
So here is my update on what happened to my best friend and her ex husband. I will try to link the original post again. I ended up not warning the ex husband like you guys advised me not to. Again, I will not divulge any information about locations names or ago.
Shortly after my post, my best friend asked her ex husband to make his divorce announcement public. To say how he regretted it and how he still loved her and wanted things to work out between them. I guess she wanted everything to be on social media for everyone to see.
He was more than willing to do it, afterwards he thought everything was going to be fine between them because he did everything she told him to. He showered her with flowers sent to her place every morning.
And expensive gifts, that my best friend just kept in her hall, unopened. She told him that she didn’t trust him yet because as long as the divorce wasn’t finalized, he could always take advantage of her and go back to his co worker.
The divorce was finalized last week and of course the first thing her ex did was calling her to tell her the news. After that she ghosted him. And she hasn’t answered his calls since.
I met her yesterday and she was so elated. I have never thought that vindictiveness and revenge would make someone this happy. She said that this was the first time she felt happy since she found out about the affair.
I felt very sad inside and I don’t know why. I love my friend and I don’t want her to change but I don’t recognize her very much. I asked her if this was it. If she really felt happy and she said that she did. She was very ready to move on.
I asked her what if he and the colleague ended up back together. She said that she would not care at all. That she hoped they would get back together now with what happened always being between them but that she wouldn’t begrudge them moving on. Separately or together, she didn’t care anymore. She sent back all the unopened gifts.
I don’t know what to feel but terrible sadness. These two loved each other more than anything and were so happy together at one point in their lives and now….. and my friend, she was the kindest person I know and now……..Oh well, this is my update.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
Cool_Stick_8672
There's a reason people hate cheaters so much. The damage it does is severe.
momofeveryone5
I feel like burying the lede is putting it too mildly. Dude cheated on his pregnant wife, caused her not only to lose the child, but then have to deal with a divorce after that loss. Then he married the side chick. I kinda feel like this is karma, or do I spend too much time online?
Alternative_Year_340
My favourite part is the affair partner insisting on marriage the second time around because marriage is inviolable; just like the ex’s first marriage.
FroggyMcnasty
Typically I don't care much for revenge, but this is the kind of psychological mindfuck I can get behind. OP needs to calm down, her friend had it under control, did what she had to do to move on, and showed that she has teeth.
CaptDeliciousPants
Damn. Don’t blame the wife a bit though.
HygorBohmHubner
Call me vindictive, but I loved it. OP's friend played the long-game. And after reading the whole context, I love it even more.