'AITA for not showing up to my sisters wedding after she wouldn't let my disabled son in?'
"AITA for not showing up to my sisters wedding after she wouldn't let my disabled son in?"
For context I 42 M am a single dad of my son 12. My sister 33 has had invited us to her wedding with her boyfriend of 5 years, we were both excited as I have always had a good relationship with my sister and she had always supported me and my son during tough times.
My son was born without the use of his legs and has had to use a a wheelchair since birth. A week before the wedding I took my son out to buy some new clothes for us to wear to it.
He was really excited to go because he'd never gone to a formal event like this before, so I made sure to get us spruced up for his first time. When we arrived to the event everything went well.
I couldn't find my sister to congratulate her, so we just started going around eating some appetizers. I saw my son chatting to some of his cousins so I went off to find my sister to congratulate her. While looking, I ran into her fiancé who told me she was in the back getting ready. After a bit more looking, I saw her leaving the back area and ran over to say hi.
We hugged and exchanged news of what had happened since we last saw each other. Mid conversation, my son came over and hugged and congratulated my sister on the wedding. She reciprocated but something seemed off.
After he went off again she pulled me to the side and told me he would have to leave as no kids were allowed, I told her that id seen some of his cousins and even some of her friends kids were there.
I was outraged so I asked here why it was different for my son. She started stuttering and wouldn't give a straight answer just saying that he would make the worse and wouldn't give a reason. I told her that if he wasn't allowed in then I'm leaving. She looked at me silently so I went over to my son and told him we were leaving.
He was distraught as this was his first wedding but unhappy complied. We left the ceremony with more than a pair of eyes watching us. I don't know if I overreacted or am I in the right. Please help!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA and your sister is a terrible person.
PresentInfluence9 (OP)
I don't know whether to feel this way or am if just overthinking everything, thanks for feedback though👍
You did the right thing, you under-reacted if that's even a thing! If it was my child, there would a very not-so-sweet message in the family group chat that you need to be told in advance if your son is not going to be allowed at events so that you both can rsvp no.
NTA. Your sister however is a huge AH. Wish I had some suggestion for moving past this other than knowing your sister has some serious explaining and apologizing to do. What a miserable person/bridezilla. How has she been with your son at other gatherings? (like, is she so shallow that this was about frickin' aesthetics of having someone in a wheelchair at her wedding?!).
NTA you had every right to stand up for your son and not let her treat him differently.
You didn't overreact, you very kindly left without causing a scene and maintained both your and your sons dignity. I am so sorry your sister behaved so despicably. Your son was well behaved, and excited to be there.
What she did is unforgiveable - I can only imagine how traumatizing it is to your son who has to deal with others bias due to his disability - now having been kicked out by his auntie because of some perceived wrong on his behalf is disgusting - and embarrassing for a kid.
I would really think twice about maintaining a relationship with your sister, and if anyone asks why you left - let them know the truth of what happened. Ugh, what a bummer.
NTA. If your son wasn’t welcome, she should have told you beforehand; and you would have been within your rights to decline.
NTA the fact that she looked you in the face and tried to lie and say that no kid were allowed is insane. Did she really think you wouldn't bring your son?
It would be perfectly understandable if you left because you had to drive/care for the 12 year old who was removed from the wedding. But you cast your leaving, not as hands on caring for your son, but rather as retribution against your sister for unfairness.
Were you overreacting? Well, the 12 year old can't be expected to make their way home on their own, so you leaving was implied when your son was kicked out. So, No, taking your son home as directed wasn't over reacting. NTA.
NTA I'd be telling her she's no longer welcome in your life or your son's life since you can't be around people who discriminate against people with disabilities. And if anyone asks you tell them the truth.
NTA. Your sister is a major A-H. She was discriminating against your son, or she was ashamed for someone attending the wedding to know she was related to your son. Your title is misleading, though. You did show up, but she lied to you about children being welcome, then was stuck without giving you the truth. So you left.
You are NTA. You did what you should have done. The question now, though, is what you'll do moving forward. If someone asks why you left, what are you going to tell them? If your sister doesn't apologize sincerely and adequately, what are you going to do? What are you going to say to family who claims you're making a big deal out of nothing? What are you going to tell your son?
For the record, I think your son is old enough to know the truth. You can ask him what he wants to do if his aunt won't apologize sincerely and adequately TO HIM DIRECTLY.