'AITA for not splitting the surprise Thanksgiving bill?' 'My husband's mouth dropped in surprise.'
"AITA for not splitting the surprise Thanksgiving bill?"
This year my FIL suggested we host thanksgiving. We live in a different state and never spend thanksgiving with them but we now live in between him and my bil's family, so it made sense and since we now have a little more space- we agreed. It was 12 people in total, including my other adult brother-in-law and sister.
For the thanksgiving menu, my in-laws wanted to make EIGHT casseroles. We wanted to make green beans, mashed potatoes, and of course a turkey. We gently suggested that would be a lot to do in our kitchen but they were adamant saying everyone would be disappointed and they were part of their family traditions.
We bought the turkey, lots of drinks, green beans, mashed potato stuff, pies, odds and ends, etc. They bought a lot of casserole ingredients but kept complaining they'd go bad. Which is unfortunate. We did use some of their butter, but they used a lot of our seasonings etc. I didn't really pay attention to what they used because why would I?
FIL kept going to the store and getting random stuff and a lot of it never got used/ wasn't needed/was wrong stuff. Including a whole pineapple peeler thing, and stuff for caramel apples. Kind of weird, but you know, that's not my business.
Except, tonight, as ONE of my BILs was getting ready to leave, he pulls him and my husband aside and says that due to high costs of hosting etc they could all three split the bill and he'd be sending out the receipts for reimbursement on venmo.
My husband's mouth dropped in surprise. His bil kind of awkwardly said that since he wasn't able to contribute a dish (long travel and got in late at night), he'd be happy to send some. He seemed to think it was to help his kid brother (my husband) out, and didn't realize it was for his father who DIDN'T host.
After BIL left, I was in the kitchen cleaning (and typically I do let my husband handle his own family stuff) when fil started packing up ingredients and explaining to my husband he would exclude a drink from the "bill."
I then broke my cardinal rule and said "This is very different than in my family. In my family contributions are always viewed as the dishes you contribute and everything is established ahead of time."
He said "we just thought everyone could contribute" and I pointed out that everyone would include all the people and not just my husband, him, and ONE bil splitting it (all the married men). It then got really awkward. And he kept going on about how much money groceries were. AITA for not splitting the Thanksgiving bill?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
PollutionNeat777 said:
NTA. Your FIL is weird. Who the hell asks for reimbursement for Thanksgiving after the fact. I mean if it was brought up ahead of time sure but after the fact is so weird.
mrdeesh said:
NTA. Where was this guy raised? I have never heard of such behavior. Pay for the dishes you bring to a potluck and don’t expect other people to pay you for ridiculous, over the top, purchases that you made unless you have agreed in advance to such a circumstance.
NotExactlyNapalm said:
NTA. He bought it, he pays for it. His problem. Unless it was clearly stated ahead of time, it's not your responsibility. You are right to refuse to split.
mlc885 said:
NTA. Your FIL is strange. You can pay for (extra) stuff you or your spouse requested, nobody splits the bill on stuff they decided to buy or bring. If he wants to pay for the food and labor you guys provided then we can start there, though I do not see why the argument would be beneficial.
Lizwings said:
Nope! NTA. You don't get to force a bill split that nobody agreed to in the first place. If he even dares to send you anything, make an itemized list of everything you bought and send that right back to him. Ridiculous!
elsie78 said:
NTA. They chose to make multiple casseroles. He chose to buy weird gadgets and random food. They incur the expenses. It's weird to ask to split them after the fact. Is that normal in their family?
Clean_Factor9673 said:
NTA. He was asking you to foot the bill for groceries he bought and hard goods that had nothing to do with Thanksgiving when you hosted. If he was meant to make a casserole dish and you bought the ingredients, he's way out of line. They bought things for themselves.