'AITA for not supporting my husband when he says he’s sick?' 'I expect him to still help me.'
"AITA for not supporting my husband when he says he’s sick?"
My husband (37M) sent me (36F) a message during work hours today letting me know he was feeling really under the weather. We have a one and a half year old toddler and I’m currently 5 months pregnant with our second child.
I immediately offered to fully take care of our toddler for the day (and night because we’re still getting up at least 3 times a night) and I made him some home made bone broth and soup for recovery.
He then let me know that he was going out to play pickleball with his friends and “he was attempting to sweat it out." I told him I didn’t think this was a good idea, that he should be taking it easy if he’s feeling so sick.
He came back home around 10pm. This is not the first time he’s left me alone. In the past two weeks, he’s met friends to play pickleball 3 times a week, and also flew to LA for 3 days for a friends birthday, leaving me alone with our toddler.
I’m currently trying to study in my time off and this means I usually don’t have any free time for hobbies, friends, or activities outside of my responsibilities. I want to be supportive but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of right now. I’ve expressed that while I will be taking care of our toddler for the night, I won’t be getting him meds or catering for his needs if he’s sick.
To me, he chose to go out and spend time with his friends and put his health at more risk, increasing the recovery time and making it my responsibility. I expect him to still help me with our toddler so I can at least have some time to myself and not reach a point where I break down.
Normally I’m the type that takes care of his needs and puts him above anything if he’s sick. He says I’m not being understanding and that ITA. That he needs the time with his friends to feel healthy as much as he needs rest and hydration. Maybe I’m not seeing the full picture here and I’m being too sensitive on account of my pregnancy hormones? AITA?
EDIT:
Thank you for all your responses. He doesn’t see an issue with his actions. I tried to tell him that he put our health at risk too and that we’re very vulnerable in this household (not only do I have severe asthma but due to a recent incident, our doctors believe that our toddler may also be displaying signs of being asthmatic). His reply, after the soup and taking care of our child the whole night, was this:
“Sick enough to need care? What care did you do for me? What care did I ask for from you? Can you pick up some airborne if you happen to be at the grocery store? What care did I ask for from you? I don’t expect to be able to rest around you. Or to be able to relax around you.” I don’t know what to think.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ChunkyPillow said:
NTA. The reason you're feeling taken advantage of is because you are. You should have a chat with your husband and let him know how you're feeling and why. Being pregnant while wrangling a toddler isn't for the faint of heart.
Heck, wrangling a toddler while not pregnant is wild. Babying a grown ass man who is well enough to play pickle ball on top of everything is just absurd. If he is well enough to play pickle ball he can take care of himself.
I have three under three and having time to myself as well as some quality time just my husband and I is crucial. He needs to step up. When is your time to rest? What about your needs? You're not being too sensitive.
fallingintopolkadots said:
Why is he going going out to play and hangout with his friends when he is feeling sick, therefore possibly spreading the sickness to him? Why does he give no shits that he is leaving his pregnant wife and toddler alone so much, or getting home at 10pm? He is not being a good husband or father, and you have every reason to question his being "sick." NTA.
Lisbei said:
NTA. Also, after reading OPs comment that she was having an asthma attack and couldn’t REACH HIM AT ALL and didn’t know what to do with the toddler because he was guess what, off with his friends, I diagnose yet another case of the throw the whole man away condition.
No really, she’s 5 months pregnant, had a child , HAS ASTHMA, and he routinely places himself in a situation where he can’t be reached/ignores calls and texts. This is bad.
bookworm1398 said:
NTA. People do need time with friends, which is why his friends should have come over to visit him with soup. Pickleball isn’t the only way to spend time with friends.
PlentyHopeful263 said:
NTA. If he is well enough to go out with his friends, he is well enough to get sh%t himself and help with the kid.
nursepenguin36 said:
NTA. If my husband called me to come take care of the kid because “he’s too sick,” and then wanted to leave to go play pickle ball I’d be playing pickle ball with his head. Yeah he’s sick. He’s sick of having to parent his own kid. Congratulations on having 3 children to care for.