"AITA for not telling my sister that I’m pregnant?"

So my sister (19F) and I (24F) have had a very rough relationship for the past little bit. It’s mostly been due to me not liking the guy she’s dating which is another story, but she basically cut me off because I didn’t like him.

I was still fine to be around him and I never said or did anything around him that made him uncomfortable or anything, I just told my sister that I don’t particularly like him when she asked. So she told me that she didn’t want a relationship with me until I changed my mind about him. This was about 4 months ago and we haven’t really talked since.

My husband and I found out that I’m pregnant with our first baby a month ago. We didn’t announce the pregnancy on social media, but we told our immediate families, except my sister.

I didn’t tell her because she was the one who decided that she didn’t want a relationship with me and I felt like reaching out to her would be crossing that boundary that she had set. I also didn’t want such a happy announcement to be strained with an argument or tension.

Well she found out from someone in the family and texted me saying that she is super offended that I didn’t tell her along with everyone else in the family. I gave her the same explanation for not telling her that I just explained but she continued to say that I’m TA for not involving her in a happy family announcement.

I feel like it’s ultimately up to me who I tell and she was the one who cut ties with me but I feel like I might be the one in the wrong. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

ChocolateChipShame said:

NTA, play stupid games, win stupid prizes, you were respecting the boundaries that she set up, it's her fault if she does not like the results, I guess she didn't think through what it really meant and that's also on her but...

... if your instincts are right and the guy she is with turns out to be abusive or something, by being no-contact there will be less of a chance of being able to help her before it's too late, so you might want to rethink how you treat this distancing from her.

tamatoas_peaches said:

Definitely nta. Not fair for her to go no contact and then be upset about not being contacted. Also, how are you supposed to improve your impression of the boyfriend if she goes no contact?

[deleted] said:

NTA but your sister is in trouble. This is some toxic behavior on her part and seems to be tied to the boyfriend. Get ready for a rough ride till this relationship plays out.

And starwaps said:

NTA- but your sister is in big trouble from what I can see. Her going no contact then being upset about not being included in an announcement like this could mean that she didn’t want to go no contact to begin with. It could be her boyfriend pressuring her to cut out people who see through him.

I hate that I’m pointing this out with no solution or advice on what the next step would be. I saw another comment saying that it’s essential to stay as close to her as possible and to kinda play along with the game to make sure she’s never completely isolated from the people who care about her, and I agree with that. I truly wish you the best of luck with this. Family issues can be quite the shit show.

She later shared this update on the situation:

it’s been a little bit and I have quite a few updates. I reached out to my sister to apologize that she felt left out, but told her that I needed clearer guidelines on the boundary that she had set as we obviously had a miscommunication. I also told her that I wanted her to be part of the gender reveal and baby showers if she wanted to be, but she chose not to respond to any of my contact attempts.

I ended up losing the baby at about 9 weeks along. It was super sad, but it brought another dilemma on if I tell my sister or not. I decided on a middle ground where I have my mom told her for me.

That way she stays informed but I’m not contacting her. It’s a good thing that I went this route, because when my mom told her about my miscarriage, she told my mom, “it’s probably for the best. She’s not ready to be a mom.” That hurt obviously. Now I hear that my sister and her boyfriend are thinking about getting engaged and I’m very scared for her, but there’s nothing I can do.

Stay tuned for when I post an AITA for not going to the wedding 😅 Anyway, thank you everyone for the sweet congrats on the pregnancy and the insightful advice on my sisters toxic situation. I wish there was more I could do, but it’s her life and her mistakes. I just wish things turned out differently so we could be the aunts to each other’s kids that we always wanted to be.

As promised, she shared this post three months later:

"AITA for saying no to being my sister’s MOH and that I’m not going to the wedding?"

So here’s the backstory (for all the details, see my previous post in the sub; I’ll recap as much as I can). My (24F) sister (20F) and I have had a very strained relationship since she started dating her now fiancé. At the beginning of their relationship, I noticed a lot of red flags about this guy and vocalized them to my sister in a very loving way, just to make sure she was aware of them.

I was fine to be around him and I never said anything bad about him, but when she would ask if I liked him, I was honest and would say no and that I got bad vibes. Because of that, she went no contact with me because she didn’t want a relationship with me until I changed my mind about him. During the time period I found out I was pregnant.

I told my family but chose not to tell my sister because she had asked me not to contact her and because I didn’t want such a happy announcement to be affected by our strained relationship. It was also my announcement and could’ve chosen to tell whoever the hell I wanted to. She found out from my brother and she called me the asshole for not including her in such a big family announcement.

I apologized but explained that she had set the boundary and I had respected it and commenters deemed me not the asshole in that case. Since then, I ended up having a miscarriage. It was devastating but I was faced with the same dilemma of deciding to tell my sister or not. I chose to have my mom tell her for me, that way she’s still in the loop but I don’t have to contact her personally.

She told my mom that it was good that I had a miscarriage bc I’m not ready to be a mom. Ouch right? So now, 3 months later, my sister is engaged to her bf and asked me to be her MOH. Why? Bc her fiancé has made her cut off with all of her friends so she truly has no one else to be her MOH.

I told her no and that I would probably not be attending the wedding bc of the horrendous comment she made about my miscarriage and bc I’m not supportive of their union. My family is split on thinking that I should just go and be her MOH bc we’re family and the other half think that I’m justified in not going at all. AITA if I don’t go?

Most commenters agreed: NTA, especially considering the backstory. Do you agree?