'AITA for not tipping at dinner?' 'I heard the waiter insulting me.'
"AITA for not tipping at dinner, because I heard the waiter insulting me?"
I (28M) went out for dinner with my best friend (29F) to celebrate her recent promotion. We showed up 15 minutes early for our reservation and got seated right away, as the place wasn’t that busy.
We waited for a while before anyone came to take our order, and when our server finally arrived, he seemed completely uninterested. No “hello” or friendly greeting—just a quick, “What do you want to drink?” without even looking at us.
We gave him our order (I asked for a coke, my friend for a gin and tonic), and he didn’t bother writing it down. About 10 minutes later, he came back with the wrong drinks. My friend mentioned it politely, but he sighed loudly, grabbed her glass, and left without saying a word.
A little later, I went to find the restroom, and on my way, I overheard the server chatting with another staff member near the kitchen. He was complaining about having to serve us, saying something like, “Why do I always get stuck with these broke college kids? They never tip.”
Mind you, neither my friend nor I are in college—we’ve been working full-time for years. It was annoying to hear, but I didn’t say anything at the time. When I got back to the table, things seemed to change. The server saw that another friend of mine had joined us—she’s a bit older and came straight from work, still dressed in business attire.
Suddenly, the service got a lot better. He was cracking jokes, kept refilling our drinks, and even apologized for the earlier mix-up. By the end of the night, I had picked up the tab as a treat for my friend’s big day. When the bill came, I decided not to tip. When the server came back to collect the receipt, he gave me a look and asked if I’d forgotten something.
I calmly told him I hadn’t forgotten, I just didn’t appreciate what he had said earlier about us. He looked shocked and mumbled something, but I didn’t stick around to hear it.
After we left, my friend asked me if I’d gone too far by not tipping. She thought maybe I should have left something small just to avoid drama. My other friend, however, agreed that the server didn’t deserve it. Now I’m wondering if I was too harsh or if I did the right thing...
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Spoedi-Probes said:
NTA. He isnsulted you, and gave bad service. Tipping is to reward good service. Even if it is to make up his wages, he should give a higher level of service to receive a higher wage.
Jazzlike-Bird-3192 said:
NTA. When he thought you were broke college kids, he treated you poorly. His attitude only changed when he thought perhaps you were not broke. In the service industry, they need to learn not to judge based on age or perceived income. They need to treat everyone the same.
Available_War4603 said:
NTA, and I applaud you calmly giving an explanation too.
Dipsh$tistan said:
NTA. He manifested it into reality.
DarkenedVeil00 said:
NTA. You were nice enough to pick up the tab for your friend's celebration. That's more than enough generosity in my book. Keep your wallet closed and your head held high.
New-Number-7810 said:
NTA. He did not deserve a tip.
Ginger_lizard said:
As a server, you’re NTA. You have to give every customer the benefit of the doubt and treat them as if they are going to tip you. When you assume you’re getting stiffed and treat people like they already did, then you get what you earned.
samieclarky said:
Definitely NTA. if the server's attitude changes based on appearances and he insulted you behind your back, not tipping feels justified. Respect goes both ways, and tips are earned, not guaranteed. What would others have done in your shoes?