'AITA for not wanting to get involved in any wedding do-over?' 'My sister-in-law's wedding was ruined.'

"AITA for not wanting to get involved in any wedding do-over after SIL's wedding was ruined?"

My (41) SIL's (F37) wedding just got ruined and she's understandably depressed. My boyfriend (M39) is asking me to help with some type of a do over. I don't mind helping out, but she's very difficult and I can see us locking horns along the way, despite my best intentions.

Not because I would want to impose my taste for a do-over, but because she has proven that she's never satisfied. She just had a potluck wedding that ended in guests refusing to show up and half of the wedding was kind of undone. The venue was provided by their Aunt (her place).

The bride and groom rented their outfits and paid for some other details, but the food and drink were potluck based. The music would be played by a friend who made mistakes during the rehearsal and the actual wedding. The rest that got ruined came from people who got upset and didn't show up.

I would like to support SIL, but being told to help with a do-over is huge pressure. I suggested they get their wedding clothes on and take pictures in a nicer setting but they seem to have their hearts on a full party. I talked to my boyfriend and expressed my concerns.

1) She's very hard to please, and she doesn't have money to get what she wants. 2) I noticed that the people who backed out/canceled at the last minute were at odds for being asked for additional things. 3) I own a tiny online shop, and may have a few dresses that fit her, but she will need to buy them. Alterations, modifications and wearing anything without a purchase will be off limits. I don't want to risk any damages.

He began talking and gradually got angrier until he said that I was trying to kick his family while they were down. My best friend says that I was silly to bring up my shop, considering the way he is about his family and that I should have waited until he said anything.

The thing is that I get extra income from my small business and this is how I got through my post degree and being more financially stable. SIL called me and she was crying so bad (just to vent) that I felt terrible about her big day being destroyed. AITA for hesitating to get involved?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Material_Assumption said:

I mean, her first plan was a pot luck wedding, I would dread helping her with a do over too. NTA.

TwinklingFrostDream said:

NTA. You’re not wrong for hesitating to get involved, especially given your concerns about SIL’s demanding nature and the pressure of handling a “do-over” wedding. It’s understandable that you’d want to avoid conflict and protect your business.

Offering a simpler solution, like taking pictures in their wedding clothes, shows you care without getting dragged into something that could cause stress. Your boundaries are valid, and you should only help if it feels right for you.

Own-Syllabub-5495 said:

NTA. People do not bail on attending a wedding for no reason. Whatever the cause is likely still going to be a problem. Her wedding was ruined by her and her husband and the choices they made. I'd toe the line here. You already helped with her first wedding. You are tired and not interested in playing this game again.

SIL needs to grieve what she thought her wedding would be before even considering a do over but if there is a do over she needs to go in with low expectations. People won't bring gifts.

People likely won't show up because no one wants to attend a do over wedding. She would be better off saving her money and doing a destination vow renewal some place special with her husband, wearing a bridal gown and getting photos.

Equal_Factor_6449 said:

NTA for hesitating. Make up your mind. If and when they brought up getting something from your store, just say no. Also, are the dresses stock in your home? Can she see them? You can charge your bf in advance if the topic comes up, and refund if sil does not take anything.

BlueGreen_1956 said:

NTA. Yikes! I would plan to be traveling to another country on that wedding day.

Chocolatecandybar_ said:

NTA, but I agree with your friend that you shouldn't have talked about your shop. You should also have pretended to not have anything fitting her in case they ask. It's clear this person is difficult. What you do with difficult people is to be very busy and occasionally sick while being very compassionate. By phone and text. Safety distance.

Awkward-Bother1449 said:

NTA - Why would the do over be any better than the original? Are the people who bailed originally suddenly show up? If she couldn't afford a venue or catering before, she won't be able now. Finally, she isn't even your SIL yet. She is your future SIL, depending on how your boyfriend treats you over this.