'AITA for not wanting my roommate to bring his 3-year-old kid to our house?' UPDATED

"WIBTA For not wanting my roommate's kid at my house?"

I (30F) have a roommate (22M) who has a 3 year old son. I live in a 1100 Sq ft condo in downtown Phoenix, AZ that I've owned for the past 2 years. I solely own the condo and have put $40-50k into fixing it up and remodeling ever surface of it (I also did most the labor myself as well).

Some back story: I don't have kids and don't think I want kids because I think it's a great responsibility and don't have the time to truly dedicate to it at the moment (building my career still). If I do decide to have kids, I would put all the effort needed to have a good kid and be a good parent. I am also not ready to give up my quiet and very clean lifestyle just yet. I would also want a bigger place if I have kids.

Now the issue. My roommate has been living at my place now for about 6 months. We are somewhat friends, but mainly just a roommate (he close with my boyfriend though). He moved in after living with my boyfriend's place for about 8 months, so we all have lived together for a little over a year.

The roommate is young and doesn't have a great job so I gave him a discount on rent ($600/month total) to help him out (I wouldn't have a roommate at this point if he honestly didn't need the help). He may not be fully aware that I'm giving him a deal, but knows my last roommate paid $900/month plus utilities (location is prime and it's fully remodeled and updated).

He has a son that lives with his mom full time about 3-4 hours away. He sees his son on occasion, but nothing too consistent due to money reasons so he claims. He understands I'm not wanting a kid here often or at all considering it's a small place and I like my space to be quiet and clean, (and to be blunt if his kid destroyed anything he couldn't afford to fix it).

The past 2 weekends he has had his kid stay here. Now before I sound like TA, hear me out. This kid is not just a 3 year old, but a 3 year old with negligent parents. He swears, cannot count, has zero structure, doesn't really talk and gets into things he knows he shouldn't (like grabs all the remotes and moves then out of place).

It's obvious the mother doesn't do her job as the parent and my roommate isn't much better (please just trust my judgement on this I don't want to get lost in the weeds here). I do feel bad for the kid, but my days off having a 3 year old running around my house is not what I thought I was getting into.

In the over a year living together this is the first time we have met his kid or his kid has stayed with us, they always stayed at his aunt's or dad's house for the weekend.

Would I be the AH if I asked my roommate to not bring his son here anymore to stay? Or not make a habit of it at least? If his kid was well behaved or even if my roommate actually took him out to do something fun besides be inside expected to sit still all day, I think I could grit my teeth and deal with it.

But his parenting really drives me up a wall and if I wanted kids around at home, I would legit just have a kid. Would I be the @$$hole for requesting my condo is a kid free place except on rare occasions? I feel I need to say something now before it becomes a habit.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

krlrk said:

NTA. But the best solution would be to find another roommate. Everything else will not work out.

OP responded:

Yeah. I'm realizing that now. I genuinely just wanted I help this person and give him affordable rent in this insanely expensive economy.

Lithogiraffe said:

He didn't bring his kid over to your boyfriend's apartment for a year, but then suddenly he is bringing the kid to yours. I wonder if the roommate thought that having a female roommate, that she would take care of the kid? He doesn't sound like a very diligent father. Has he been trying to use you as the babysitter?

OP responded:

Yeah, legit in the 1 year the last two weekends was the first time ever. I finally just met his kid after living together for a year...

I added this as clarification in the post: And to be fair, when his kid is here my roommate sits in his room all weekend. He doesn't take his kid to the park or really try to play or hang out with him. Legit he just keeps a 3 year old he never seems locked in his room with him or let's him rome around the house.

He doesn't expect me to baby sit but when his kid gets into sh!t I'm the one telling him no, don't do that. :/

AutomatedBoredom said:

NTA. He's essentially a half renter/renter if you own the property and you are right to use the property as you see fit, that said, what agreements are in place between you regarding these kinds of things?

Getting stuff squared away and on paper is important, and if there isn't an agreement, I'd sit down and draft one regarding expectations, that the place you two are living together in isn't a daycare center for his kid. Set some rules down with him and if he refuses then unless you can compromise prepare to find a new room mate.

As much as this sucks for them and especially the kid, it's not your responsibility and you have the right to take care of your own mental well being as well as not let stress build up as a result of this. Stress is a significant factor in many diseases and will come back to bite you if you're not careful.

OP responded:

That's great information. Thank you for responding. I sadly am new to being a landlord with someone that's also a friend. I didn't get anything in writing and now I am realizing that was a mistake. Any idea on how to bring up signing a lease now and setting expectations?

Edit from OP:

Further information: I have lived with him for 6 months prior to him living here as well (he was originally my boyfriend's roommate). He never brought his kid there or here in the 1 year he lived with us (always his uncle or dad's house). He's also only gone to see his kid maybe 10 times in a year which is his choice.

We discussed it on the front end before he moved in and he said he wouldn't be bringing him son here, nothing in writing. He did not mention to me he was planning to bring his kid over to stay this current weekend, just kind of surprised us with it.

There's been no discussion on his part regarding how often this will occur now (mind you we went from his kid never being here the past little over a year to now the past 2 weekends with no real notice).

More clarification: when his son is here my roommate sits in his room most the weekend. He doesn't take his kid to the park or really try to play or hang out with him. Legit he just keeps a 3 year old he never seems locked in his room with him or let's him rome around the house.

She later shared this brief update:

My roommate's kid just broke the glass bowl on my ceiling fan. He was jumping on my bed messing with the chains and ended up hitting it off place and the bowl fell off and broke. My roommate I assume was just sitting on his phone in the room while this happened (he was in the room with him). I heard the kid jump around for at least 5 minutes until I heard the glass break from the other room.