'AITA I don't want my BF to go to another country on vacation with his female coworker.'
"AITA I don't want my BF (27M) to go to another country on vacation with his female coworker?"
Few-Boysenberry4697
AITA? My BF and I have been together for a little over 2 years. Lately he has been talking about traveling and going on this trip to South America with his coworkers. Yes Plural. It has been an idea for about 2 weeks maybe less.
He said his "coworkers" have family there that could show him around and even give him a place to stay in the meantime. Today he had asked if he should say forget it and book the ticket because it is super cheap.
He also wouldn't have to worry about finances for a place to stay. I said i mean why not then I asked who he would be going with, he said my coworker, lets go with "becca" (obviously a woman's name)
I proceeded to ask how old she was and he said she is 30 ish. He is 27 and I am 26 for the record. I immediately felt uncomfortable for one, I have never met a coworker with that name and he has been working there for about a year which means I have been at his workplace numerous times.
I also am seeing it as, they must be pretty close especially considering meeting up with someone overseas and being so gracious to offer a place to stay. He said they wouldn't be staying together that she would just be showing him around.
I am also looking at it from a woman's perspective. I would never invite a male coworker to a vacation overseas or vacation period, no matter how long I have been working with them especially alone. You never know someone's true intention. That is just my opinion and view on it, I am not speaking for all women.
I told him I am uncomfortable with it and he immediately got defensive and said I am not supporting his first international trip alone and too not look at it that way, that its strictly platonic.
Also mentioned that I have not made it a priority to travel, which, i do not get paid well and also have a child and a bunch of expenses that I am just trying to keep myself above water so that is why traveling has not been my priority right now. Key words. Right Now.
I don't know... I am very uncomfortable with it and yes I feel bad for holding him back from traveling or not supporting his trip, he has been wanting to travel for a while now.
I don't want to control his life but I do know if the roles were reversed he would be very uncomfortable with it as well. I get yearning to travel, I yearn to travel as well but this is very uncomfortable for me.. I don't know am i the a$$h0l3??
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
sezrosie000
He is either currently or planning to cheat on you.
freeman00007
NTA i think he's cheating and you must leave him . He don't deserve you , and I'll not accept my wife to go to another country with a man . He's trying to dump you. He's not faithful to you. Just move on and forget this idiot.
Whosbeccastan
NTA hell no. No. And you’re not insecure bc you don’t feel comfortable with this. This is weird and not normal behavior.
Public-Mousse-9048
It seems that if he can’t respect your feelings and why this is a problem then you may need to consider whether it is worth staying in this relationship. Has he answered the ‘how would you feel if it was the other way round question’ and was it an honest believable answer?
You need to let him know ultimately it’s his choice, but he may not have a relationship to come back to (if you really can’t accept/trust what this travelling with another women means). Good luck 🤞
The OP responded here:
Few-Boysenberry4697
yes he responded with "the roles wouldn't be reversed because I would make traveling a priority and save up for a trip" lol
NZafe
INFO: you mention that multiple people will be going on this trip.
How many more beyond just your BF and this woman?
The OP again responded:
Few-Boysenberry4697
So when he first brought up the idea he always said "coworkers' then when he is actually considering on buying a ticket he mention he would only be going with one coworker, which caught me off guard as well, in my head i thought it would be a group the whole time . If it was a group I do not have a problem.
Orixx_94
NTA Op you have no idea how much it bothers me on reddit that people who, when faced with situations like this, always call the Op of their story insecure etc... Please stop, it's very normal and sacrosanct to tell your partner if he wants to do something unacceptable for you.
Eli_Regis
OP, this isn’t black and white, I’d say potentially NAH but that hinges on whether your partner deliberately lied to you about it being a group trip, or if other people cancelled.
If so, it may just be a pragmatic move to put you at ease, without thinking the implications through. But it’s still deceitful, and this gives you leverage to get to the bottom of this without seeming controlling or insecure.
You haven’t said whether others were originally intending to join or not, which suggests there is a lack of communication going on- either he’s hiding something or you’re not asking the right questions.
What do you know about her? Does she have a partner? Is she pretty? Is she even straight? Where is she staying if not with him? Your first action should be to meet his coworker. For all you know, seeing her might put you at ease immediately.
If you’ve met his other coworkers, you could persuade him to organise drinks with some of them and allow you to tag along. Tell him you’d like to meet her, but to keep it natural and not awkwardly organised for your benefit.
You’ll soon get a sense of how they act together/ how comfortable she is to have you there. It may be that it’s completely innocent and he’s thinking entirely with his wallet. It’s a great opportunity for him to travel with free accommodation.
In his situation I would expect to be trusted, but I would do whatever is asked of me to put you at ease. If someone is close enough to holiday with, my partner of 2 years would have met them at least once, and know a bit about them already. So you’re right to look into it a bit further.