Postpartum woman tricks lying husband into 'coming back' before she gets the 'ultimate revenge.' AITA? MAJOR UPDATE.
↵ When this woman is determined to get back at her husband, she asks Reddit:
"Now that I have won my husband back, I am getting shocking revenge. AITA?"
I have secured an apartment for my baby and me and I have put everything in order and prepared for custody. Shared or otherwise. I have divided the money and transferred my share to a third account and it will stay there until the divorce proceedings and the dividing of the assets.
I found out that my husband was having an affair while I was postpartum. I thought that I would die because I love him and it felt like my heart was broken into million pieces. I knew that it was over but my curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to know why. What was it she had that I didn’t.
Did he love her. I started going through his phone and reading his texts. All the evidence I needed was there. He felt like he was alive again. He was happy and excited. She’s single and childless so she had all the time in the world to make him her priority.
He felt seen and desired by her. I was confused because even with life coming between us he was always my love and I made sure he knew that every day. Still it wasn’t enough.
I read thousands upon thousands of messages between them and I started being everything he fantasized about. In the beginning, it felt weird and he was confused but I just went on.
Every time he made plans with her I found a way to make him stay or I made sure that I sent him exhausted to her. The messages became less and less frequent and the passion and excitement subsided.
Soon answering her became more of a chore. The complaining started and him pulling away. He was happier at home and he couldn’t wait to come home. He started texting me again during the day. The sweetest texts of how he missed me. He was his old self back.
One day what I hoped and waited patiently for happened. He ended things with her. He told her that he loved me and that now everything was great again. Her services weren’t needed in other words. I felt relief and finally I could move on. So he came back to me basically. But I still need revenge. AITA?
Before we give you OP's plan to get revenge, let's take a look at some of the top responses:
gossygirl writes:
Honey, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You should not have had to change for him and the fact that he ditched her after you became “what he wanted” just proves he’s a user. He deserves everything he gets. Don’t waste an ounce of guilt he’s not worth it.
mewtul writes:
You did nothing wrong. You were focused on growing a whole human and the hormonal fallout after the baby was born. Your husband should’ve been focused on his new family instead of a new relationship. Enjoy that apartment. You handled this like a Boss!
buffaloempty writes:
No guilt necessary. If he had communicated his needs/wants instead of finding it elsewhere then you could have just done those things to strengthen your marriage instead of what is happening now.
I applaud you, because it was genius and he will leave hurting so much more because of it. He could have been a partner but he chose to find someone else. F him.
And now, OP's major update about her "chilling" plan to get back at her husband:
Now I am preparing for my divorce. He will get the papers the day I leave for my new life in my new apartment.
I know I will get a lot of hate for this because I have neglected my husband and pushed him to seek solace in another woman’s arms when I apparently could given him what he sought all along and believe me I will bear the guilt for the rest of my life.
In my defense, I didn’t do it intentionally. Our lives had just been altered drastically and I was trying to navigate this new and exciting existence. I was immersed in this new kind of happiness that I thought I was sharing with him.
And I was trying to get to know my new body, that I couldn’t recognize anymore. A real scary feeling. But he could have come to me with his hurt. He could have talked to me about his suffering.
He could have tried to make me understand but he chose not to. He decided to deceive me. Deceive us. He ruined our love our future and even our history. Nothing was is or will be the same again.
I am. I’m sad about the fact that he wasn’t the one I would spend the rest of my life with like we dreamed but on a general level, I’m happy. I am blessed with the most amazing little boy and I am still young and beautiful. I have so much love in my life and great many supportive people. Romantic love will come.
Readers weren't done sharing their opinions. Some were disturbed by OP's plan of action:
biglosercrybaby writes:
I'm gonna say something that's gonna get downvoted to hell but f the peanut gallery.
What you did is psychotically manipulative. His cheating does not somehow excuse nor justify your behavior, intentional or not, especially because of the psychologically insidious nature of it all. Those are the kind of mind games that legitimately drives people to commit suicide.
Yes, his cheating is inexcusable and he should be ashamed. He owes you a great deal for his betrayal and I don't want to minimize or excuse that in anyway.
What he did was confused and hurtful, but human. What you did was just cruel. Even your own descriptions of his feelings sounded sympathetic and even though he did something wrong, I think we can all understand to some degree his position.
Because we all do bad shit sometimes, right? Or is it just easier for everyone to grab their pitch forks and condemn others and ruin relationships forever because none of us can ever manage to confront our humanity in a healthy and philosophically honorable way?
Every one of you in the comments are more garbage human beings than OP's husband. Snarky redditors are gonna start speculating on my personal life. Can't wait.
dahslia8 writes:
NTA! Could you imagine having to live the rest of your life like that? constantly having to be “on,” even with the person who vowed to love you and be loyal to you for the rest of your lives?
could you imagine not being able to have a bad week, or even a bad moment, because it would be filled with the fear that in doing so your husband may choose to betray you again in favor of someone else?
that sounds like absolute hell to me; if that was the marriage i found myself in then i 100% know that i would rather just be alone.
mind you, he would be allowed to have bad days, or weeks, or even months, as often as he felt like doing so because your fidelity to him had been ironclad since the moment you put on his ring.
living this way would make it so that all of his indiscretions would feel like they were your fault, and that they could have somehow been prevented if only you were just more. more sexy, more passionate, more agreeable, more attentive, more more more! that is not a marriage.
you know that it isn’t, and good on you for doing what it takes to seperate yourself from this man. he already ended his marriage the moment that he made the decision
(because it indeed was an actual decision, not an accident or however else cheaters enjoy describing their infidelities) to stray from his wife. all you’re doing is matching his actions to the paperwork.
i am perversely glad for you that his confusion of seeing those divorce papers will be compounded by the presumption that his marriage had been at such an amazing point. when you tell him that you know about his affair
(assuming that’s what you plan on doing) do not phrase your actions these past few months as revenge or anything like that; don’t say that you had been acting in the way that you had because you were trying to “win him” like you phrased it here. because you weren’t, at least not really.
allow him to view the happiness of these recent months as what he could have had for the rest of his life—if only he chose to come to you with his dissatisfaction like an honest human being, as opposed to the deceitful mess he chose to be instead.
let him crave the joy of these happy months with you for the rest of his life, and forever come up short. what a terrible thing, to know that your “one that got away” had been your own wife, but you let her slip through your fingers in favor of cheap replicas.
he was incapable of remembering the “for better or for worse, until death do us part” aspect that’s crucial in a marriage, and has ruined everything because of it. i hope you find your happily ever after OP, with someone who’s willing to build an honest life with you instead of simply taking the easy way out once it’s presented.
shered8 writes:
meh… i can understand you being hurt from what he did, but I can’t help to think of the amount of time and effort it takes to be fake with someone you allegedly love so much.
This pretending just to divorce him. It’s childish. I mean people will do what they want but the divorce on the grounds of him cheating and you walking away with everything is much more mature than this.
Like why use all that energy while pregnate? to each their own. Hopefully he doesn’t find out because some break ups can be dangerous once truths are shown. ijs
jmd7 writes:
You have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn’t step outside of your marriage, he did. He didn’t take the time to communicate his needs to you and you had to find out through texts he was sending to his mistress.
You showed him you could be everything and more and he will know that he ruined a relationship that could have been everything he wanted it to be had he communicated with you and been faithful.
Kudos to you for having the self control and strength to keep yourself together and focused on your goal to make sure he’d know what he’ll be losing and for being calm and level headed enough to take the time to get your finances in order so you & LO will be okay.
sysserror4044 writes:
YTA. You 100% did do this intentionally and it is spelled out quite clearly in the first paragraph of your post. Between putting forth the effort to mend your relationship with your husband only to pull him away from his mistress.
To also planning, saving, and getting new housing and retaining legal representation while doing that. You 100% intentionally manipulated your husband into believing that his wife really does love and appreciate him. But you only did that after who knows how long of making him fell unloved and unappreciated.
When did you ever reach out to him? When did you express anything of all these new feelings and thoughts and concerns to him?
When did you ever act like your relationship included him beyond existing? When did you invest time in the WE instead of it always being ME and I? Because from what it seems, you went into this new chapter of life together, without prioritizing each other.
Don't get me wrong, when it comes to pregnancy the majority of the that burden is on with women and they should take the highest priority. But that doesn't mean not taking your husband for granted and not showing appreciation. You still have to make some time/room for him.
My question is, what if you had acted like an adult and communicated with him about his infidelity when you discovered it?
Why not invest the same energy you used to draw him away from his affair partner, into rebuilding your relationship? Instead of investing in a new apartment, and legal representation for divorce you both invested in a marriage counselor to help rebuild trust and re-establish health and beneficial communication skills?
You chose deceived and manipulated him. You once again, chose me instead of we. You both failed as partners, as spouses and the person that will end up suffering the most from it all, will be your child.
bodyreddit writes:
I kinda hope that you let enough time pass so he can’t go back to the other woman. You are stellar and never did anything wrong to ‘lose’ him in the first place, you thought you had a partner and started a family.
The way you did what you did though sounds si sincere until you couldn’t stomach it anymore, is sounds like a Movie!! It woukd be great to see this sort of transformation in a movie from normal woman to desperate dependent woman to conniving to triumphant to free….etc..