Woman pregnant with third child requests that husband get vasectomy, 'he won't even consider the idea.' AITA?
"AITA for wanting my SO to get a vasectomy instead of getting my tubes tied?"
I (27f) and my husband (31m) are due at the end of February with our third child. We have made the joint decision that we are done having kids after this one. Due to my various medical complications involving other forms of contraception, we came to the joint conclusion that the only way to ensure we won't get pregnant again is through surgical means (i.e tubes tied or vasectomy).
I agreed early on in this pregnancy to get my tubes tied but the closer we get to the delivery the more scared I get of this serious procedure. As I mentioned, this is our third child. And birth is already a pretty painful/terrifying/difficult life event that I will have to physically recover from, and the idea of an added procedure like this really scares me.
I discussed the procedure with my OB at my last appointment and was informed they cannot put me asleep for the procedure but she assured me I would be "drugged enough not to care of remember it" but the idea of being awake while someone is mucking around inside my abdomen is just terrifying to me.
My husband won't even consider the idea of getting a vasectomy (even though from what I have read It seems to be the less risky/serious procedure). I understand the macho male perspective of not wanting to feel like "less of a man" but also think that's a silly reason for why I should have to take on another procedure when I'm already the one who has to give birth.
Shouldn't he at least consider sparing me this huge procedure? Or aitah for wanting to "take his manhood?"
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
peakpenguins said:
NTA, you can't make him get snipped but it's a real bummer that he won't even consider it.
foffl said:
Lame. I had a vasectomy and it was no big deal. Wasn't fun, but nothing compared to what my wife dealt with giving birth to our kids.
Key_Independence_448 said:
If it helps, the tubes cut during a vasectomy are NOT the path that hormones leave the testes. It's a sperm delivery route only. Getting snipped isn't taking his manhood, it won't reduce his testosterone, and it is FAR safer and less painful than getting tubes tied. It's his body, so it's his choice, but the same goes for your body. If he wants one of you to have surgery, he should man up and volunteer.
NightsofWren said:
I would legitimately stop sleeping with my husband if after I carried and delivered three children he was unwilling to have a 10-15m in office procedure that is so minor it requires…Oh yah...no anesthesia and no time off from work.
Someguy981240 said:
NTA. Tubes tied is a major procedure. Vasectomy is trivial by comparison.
drapehsnormak said:
NTA. A vasectomy is easier to perform, recovery from, and reverse than a tubal ligation. If getting snipped would make him feel like less of a man, he already is.