Pregnant woman bans husband from delivery room, 'he called the cops.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for not wanting my husband in the delivery room when I give birth?"

Currently 9 months pregnant. My husband has basically been absent my whole pregnancy. When we found out I was pregnant we lived in different states, for 6 months of my pregnancy he did not come to visit me at all. I physically saw him for the first time while I was 6 months pregnant with our child.

I expressed how I felt about him missing out on 6 months of the pregnancy and not coming to see me, he was very dismissive and did not provide me with any reason for his absence. We currently live together and he constantly argues with me and stresses me out everyday.

He is doing horrible financially and does not check on me or the baby as he should. He has missed a majority of my OB appointments, he has only attended 2 appointments and I am 9 months pregnant. I told him that he needs to move out as all he does is bring stress to me and the baby, without helping out around the house.

We recently got into an argument which resulted in me throwing his clothes all over the house in attempt to make him leave. He called the cops and requesting to have me arrested. Things did not go as planned for him and he was the one that was arrested.

Two days later I started experiencing spotting and went to the hospital, when he showed up to the hospital I requested his removal as he is the main cause of my stress. when I was discharged and returned home I found that he was sleeping peacefully while I was in the hospital.

The next day he watched me wash and fold baby clothes, lift boxes and organize the nursery for the baby and didn’t offer any help. He laid down and watched me do all the lifting and washing and folding for the baby’s arrival.

While I was organizing the nursery, the time ran late and he asked me to turn off the light because he wanted to go to sleep. When I refused, and told him I wasn’t done folding the clothes he called me a b and threatened to disconnect all the lights. Two days after this, I am in the hospital again this time for very severe bleeding, when he showed up I asked the nurses to escort him out.

He is now claiming that I’m being unfair for not allowing him into my hospital room and is claiming to be the victim. I updated him that the baby is fine and has not been born yet. I also told him that I don’t want him in the hospital with me now nor when I deliver, due to all the stress he’s put me through.

He’s now offering me help and now trying to do the right thing, but I feel that it’s too late. He’s been absent for the whole pregnancy, stressed me out, called me names, he has only attended 2 OB appointments, called the cops on me, ignored me for weeks at a time, and over all done the bare minimum for me.

Now that he is choosing to be involved at the very last month of my pregnancy he wants me to forget everything and let him in. So am I the AH for no longer wanting or expecting his help as I’ve begged for him to support me and help me during this pregnancy and he has not done so?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Crafty-Read1243 said:

This is not bare minimum, this is well below bare minimum and abusive. Please think long and hard If this is the type of man you want around your baby. NTA.

RamonaAStone said:

NTA, but you will be if you allow this to continue. Being a single mother is difficult, but being the mother to a newborn and a grown man is harder.

northern225 said:

NTA. This will be a very vulnerable moment for you, you deserve to only be surrounded by people in that moment who are fully invested in your well being. On that note, if he’s like this with the pregnancy, prepare yourself for an absentee father even if you are both living in the same household. You and your baby deserve better. If he’s not going to step up, you would be wise to step out of that relationship.

Neat-Client9305 said:

NTA. You are the only one who gets a say in who is in the delivery room with you. the father has no right to be there unless you want him to.

Mental-Revenue-3160 said:

Whatever you do, do NOT put this man’s name on the baby’s birth certificate. He is a useless fool.

ERVetSurgeon said:

NTA. He does not want this baby and he does not want to married to you. You need to face reality and get a divorce, child support, and move on.

UPDATE:

To clarify some things, for the first six months of my pregnancy we lived in different states because of both of our jobs. However he still had the means to drive 5 hours to come visit me in my state on long weekends or holidays but the choose not to. Prior to the pregnancy he would come visit me in my state once a month or once every two months.

If he made an effort to come visit me in my state I would’ve planned OB appointments during his visits so he can attend, but that wasn’t a priority for him. Also he was the one that suggested we start trying for this pregnancy, and did not act like this prior to the pregnancy.

So as expected i was completely blindsided by his behavior. We moved to the same state and began living together while I was 7.5 months pregnant and he has since forgotten OB appointments and has not been helpful to me at all. He watches me while I do heavy lifting and only helps when he is asked.

Yes I do plan on getting started on a divorce as soon as I’m discharged from the hospital. I am also looking for a new place to stay since he is refusing to leave because both of our names are on the lease.

I plan to be moved out before I deliver. Yes the baby will have my last name! and I will be taking legal action to establish full custody. This was not the person I agreed to marry, but you don’t quite know anyone until you’re pregnant with their child.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

miamagicc- said:

You're not the ahole. His neglect and lack of support during your pregnancy are unacceptable. You have every right to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being. You deserve a partner who supports you, and it's clear he’s not that person. Stay strong and take care of yourself and your baby.

WillLoveCoffee4Ever1 said:

NTA! A woman has the right to block anyone from being in the birthing room, because it is still considered a medical procedure and you have the right to privacy. You and the baby are also going to be the patients and you are the priority of the doctors, nurses and hospitals.

ManderBlues said:

NTA. It's YOUR body and your medical event. Its not a spectator sport. If you intend to live in your home state after the birth, move there now and give birth in that state (balanced against the laws regarding saving your life in a medical event). If you give birth in the state you presently live within, they have custody jurisdiction and moving out of state is harder. You gotta go NOW.

Ginger630 said:

NTA! He doesn’t seem to care that you’re pregnant. So why should he be there during the most vulnerable time of your life? Give the baby whatever name you want and your last name. Don’t tell him when you go into labor.

squaddie500 said:

Sounds like you became a single mom just as soon as you became pregnant, I’m glad you are taking steps to get rid of the deadweight