Pregnant woman bans sister from being around her, 'she doesn't believe in having kids past that age.' AITA?
"AITA for not wanting my sister around me for at least the rest of my pregnancy?"
My sister (40f) is mom to six boys and our relationship in the last several years has been off. She always wanted a daughter. Always. I (31f) remember when I was a kid and she'd talk about the daughter's she'd have. She had names picked out and this image in her head of how she'd dress them and such.
When she met her husband she told him she wanted to get married young and have kids young so she had plenty of time to make sure she had at least a few daughters. They had their first when they were 22 and their last when they were 34. My sister doesn't believe in having kids past that age. Actually she said the only reason she had kids in her 30s was to try and have a girl. She doesn't believe in that.
That was already a point of contention between us. She used to tell me I'd get too old to have kids because my husband and I didn't have kids in our 20s or more specifically my 20s. I always rolled my eyes at her and tried to ignore it.
When I gave birth to mine and my husband's son there was zero issue with my sister. But now I'm expecting again and my mom informed me that my sister wanted me to find out the gender of the baby and let her know beforehand. Mom brought up how my sister had always wanted a daughter and how she was struggling with the idea I could live her dream so she'd like time to process if true.
I asked my mom if she was serious and she said they were actually hoping I'd let my sister help with names if we're having a girl, once she's processed the news and all. I told my mom it wasn't happening and she told me it could be fun and my sister's got a long list of little girl names she saved for daughters.
My sister called me after my talk with mom and screamed at me down the phone for being so insensitive and selfish. She told me it's a small ask to find out the sex and let her know so she finds out if I was lucky and got a girl this time around.
Then went on a rant about how unfair it is and she knows deep down I'm having a girl this time and how unfair it is when I don't care about the gender of my kids but she always did.
My husband and I talked about it and when I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to be around her right now he agreed. He said her negativity wasn't good for me and who knows what she'd do if it got the best of her. So we decided we wouldn't see her for at least the rest of my pregnancy.
My dad and brothers get it but my sister and mom are pissed. My sister thinks I'm robbing her of the chance to experience a baby girl and my mom said I'm overreacting. I tried to explain why to my mom but she told me it wouldn't have hurt to make my sister feel included.
I could easily see her trying to take over if this baby is a girl. Not just with the name but any decisions. When the baby's born if we have a girl I can see the potential for her to try and hog the baby. Not to mention the negativity about me having a girl and not her throughout my pregnancy. AITA for my decision?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
SelaRoseYT said:
NTA. Your sister sounds like an absolute nutcase and your mom is an AH for supporting her obsession with the gender of your child.
Individual-Total-794 said:
NTA. Not her kid, not her choice. That privilege is solely for the parents. And your Mom needs to realize that it could be detrimental to your safety...especially if you're having a girl. Babies have been taken from pregnant women. Sorry for bringing up that possibility, but I'd rather say it, especially if it could harm either of you.
BasicRabbit4 said:
Nta. What else is there to say except the obvious...that your sister needs industrial strength therapy and you need a restraining order if you have a girl.
aguilar1181 said:
NTA. Your sister and mom sound like a nightmare. I never understood why parents have the need to continue mediating the life of their adult childrens. If you made your decision, your mom needs to respected PERIOD. I wouldn't let my sister near my kid if I was in your shoes.
Ok_Homework_7621 said:
NTA. Your sister needs professional help. I would absolutely not allow her around either of the kids. She'll try to play mother if it's a girl and make your son feel less-than for being a boy. Even if your second baby is a boy, she sounds too unstable.
Plus, she attacked you verbally. She would have to apologize, acknowledge she was wrong change her behavior. If you just let her back in, this behavior will get a lot worse. Your mother needs to stay out of it, too.
Sierraoscarfoxtrot said:
NTA!! Your sister has serious issues that have nothing to do with you. But she won’t understand/ see that and seek help, instead she is/ will blame you for everything. She needs to know the gender first to “process it?"
She needs to go to therapy. And your mother seems to smother her a lot… she will say no but she’s picking her side. You have your family and your mental and physical health to think about now. This is your priority PS: I hope you’re having a girl just to piss her off!