Pregnant woman names her baby with twin sister instead of spouse, 'she cut me out of the process.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my wife I'm not okay with her naming our daughter with her sister instead of me?"
My wife (26f) is pregnant with our first child. She did a test to determine the sex of the baby early in her pregnancy (first trimester) and we found out we were going to be parents to a little girl. Really quickly we decided our daughter was going to be named Adora.
The name holds special meaning to us. She was always a huge fan of She-Ra and loved the OG show and the remake. We actually bonded over the remake show. I (27m) thought it was a sweet name and loved that it had a deeper personal connection for the two of us. The middle name was still not entirely set in stone but the first name was.
My wife is now 6 months pregnant and her twin sister is expecting a baby boy 3 months after our daughter is due. Three weeks ago they started talking about baby names and all of a sudden my wife told me that she and her sister decided the babies should have timeless names that fit with their family names...
(Emily and Elizabeth, James and Haley, their parents, William, Hannah and Grace, their siblings). So my wife and her sister chose the name Katherine for our daughter instead and SILs son will be Alexander. I was hurt and more than a little peeved.
My wife asked me why I had that expression on my face and I told her I was not okay with her naming our daughter with her sister instead of me. I told her we had chosen the name Adora. She never expressed second thoughts about the name. We were just working on a middle name.
I told her I was supposed to be the baby's other parent, not her sister, yet she takes her sister's opinion on board and decides they'll name the child we're having together. I told her I had not expected that from her.
That I thought she truly respected me and was excited to be on this journey together. She asked me if I was really that upset about it and I said yes. I told her I wouldn't lie and say I was okay with it. I told her she basically cut me out of the process in the end if she were to go ahead with this.
My wife has been quiet since this. Her sister was furious with me for telling my wife I wasn't okay with it. She told me I should respect their twinness and I got to make all other decisions with my wife so why was I being such an ahole about this. She told me to get over myself and then she accused me of acting like a child. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Own-Kangaroo6931 said:
Why can't it be Adora Katherine? You said you hadn't settled on a middle name. NTA for speaking up about this and you totally need to be able to discuss your own child's name, it really is none of her sister's business, but you can see how they think it would be cute to have matching names being twins. BUT you are the father, and she is being unreasonable to not see how this would impact you.
SunsetSeaTurtle said:
NTA...by some odd twist of time, does the twin sister happen to be a 4 year old child? Because that's about how mature she's acting. Not that your wife is being any level of mature herself. Parenting decisions are to be made by the parents, not unilaterally, and not with one's womb mate...
thesofttulpa said:
NTA, this is YOUR child and you definitely have 50% say, and also veto power, to name YOUR child together with the other parent. Your wife has the other 50%. Your wife's twin has 0% say.
Also you can't decide on something together and then just reneg out of the blue without talking to the other person. If your wife changed her mind and really wanted to use another name she should have taken it up with you like "Hey, I have some thoughts about baby names, I know we decided but now I'm having second thougths, can we discuss?" not just *inform* you that she changed it.
There isn't some magical twin world where twin rules apply, that's just childish, in the real adult world two adults marry each other and their spouse's twin is in no way involved in the marriage (unless you're mormons and married both twins or something).
You do not have to respect their twinness, wtf even is that, and of course you get to make all other decisions with your wife, THAT'S HOW A MARRIAGE WORKS. Twin is being petulant and needs to grow up. It's someone else's baby not her doll.
NeptunianCat said:
NTA. If they want to go with join twinsies names, why can't SIL name her son Adam since that is He-Man's real name and he and She-ra are twins? Or, if she dislikes Adora now, that is fine. But you should certainly be involved in the new choice then.
DevotedRed said:
NTA and why should you respect their ‘twinness’ when she won’t respect your marriage?
nordic_wolf_ said:
NTA. Your wife should really think about who her partner in raising her kid is - you or her sister. There will still come many, many decisions in the kid's life, and if she cuts you out of each and every one of them, you are not really the father for her. Pregnancy is a very emotional and hard time for your wife, so tread carefully. But make clear that you are not gonna be left out of major decisions - you are the girl's father!