'AITA for telling my BF that my dog comes before him after he tried to get him adopted?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my boyfriend my dog comes before him?"

I (23F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been together for 2.5 years. We met on hinge and instantly connected and have been inseparable since. When we first started dating I told him that I have a dog, his name is Theo, I got him five years ago when he was a puppy. Theo is 4 now.

My boyfriend is allergic to animal fur. When we first started talking/dating I asked if it would be an issue. He said no, he has family members that he visits on holidays who have pets, so he just takes an over the counter allergy med, and that seems to do the trick for him.

So, whenever he would come over to my place he would take his allergy med. He wouldn’t interact with Theo much, like petting him, playing with him, and letting him be near him much in general. I would also make sure Theo would leave my boyfriend alone and give the space that he needs so he doesn’t have a bad reaction even with the allergy med.

I would also make sure to clean the house to limit the amount of dog fur around before he would come over. Everything was perfect, and we had a good system. If I would go over to his place I would make sure to put on clothes that were clean and had no dog fur on them so I wouldn’t be leaving/ tracking it into his house.

About 6 months ago my boyfriend and I decided to get our own place together, so we rented a condo that was pet friendly, because wherever I go Theo comes with me. My boyfriend and I throughly communicated about what that would look like with his allergy. One being that he should get an allergy medication from his doctor rather than an over the counter med.

So, that it would be stronger and help him out more. Our condo has two stories so we put a dog gate up so Theo doesn’t have access to the upstairs where our bedroom and bathroom are. I also vacuum every other day to limit the amount of fur and keep it controlled.

I also give Theo baths about once every week and a half and brush him nearly everyday. So far for the past 6 months this has really worked. We have this system so Theo can have access to the entire main floor and he’s not just cooped up in a cage or separate room all the time.

I know I do a lot of work to keep my boyfriend’s allergies down but he helps out around the condo a lot too. Household chores wise we have things pretty balanced. But recently for the past month my boyfriend has brought up multiple times that he doesn’t know how much longer he can handle having Theo here. Yes we have a good system, and yes his allergy medication works well.

Which I bring up every time he mentions it. I try to understand what issues he is having and all he says is that he doesn’t like having to constantly be worried about his allergies and Theo being around. He has expressed to me that he feels trapped in his own house having to constantly worry.

I try seeing his side of it all but I also mention to him that from the beginning he knew that Theo and I are a package deal, that we would have to work through this together.

Everything seemed to be perfect till out of the blue my boyfriend seemed to completely flip on things. He does love Theo and loves going on walks with him and interacting with him for just a few minutes before he has to stop, and he has expressed this. We’ve had this conversation multiple times and it always comes to the conclusion of both of us not really seeing eye to eye.

It got to a point where he would get home from work, we would eat dinner, then he goes right upstairs to get away from Theo. He’s seemed to form a hatred towards him. Now when I try to have a conversation with him about it he just shuts it down and won’t talk to me about it.

Two weeks ago when he got home from work, I had dinner ready and he didn’t even say hi to me or eat, just went right upstairs. Again when I tired to talk to him he shut me down.

About a week ago that’s when things took a turn for the worst. My boyfriend said that one of his friends (Mike) and his girlfriend (Sarah) would be coming over for dinner and to hangout last weekend. I work from home so I was able to spend the afternoon cleaning the condo, cooking appetizers and the meal, and prepare some mixed drinks.

I was excited to see them because I haven’t seen Mike in a while and I haven’t met Sarah yet. Usually when we have guest over I will put Theo in a separate room so he’s not in the way and disturbs our guests too much. But, my boyfriend told me I don’t have to do that for them, they love dogs.

When Mike and Sarah come over I instantly notice the vibes are a little off. They seem to be paying more attention to Theo, and want to get to know Theo more than spend time with my boyfriend and I. We eat dinner, we talk, hangout, and have a nice time. Once dinner is over I start cleaning up and Sarah offers to help me while the guys grab a beer and go sit on the couch.

Sarah and I get to chatting and I tell her how much I love her presence and her and Mike seem like an amazing couple. She then replies with “yeah we’ve been taking some big steps together, we’re getting an apartment and Theo seems like he would fit well into our lives. He really is a great dog.” I’m taken aback and excuse myself and ask my boyfriend if we could talk.

Him and I go upstairs and I tell him what Sarah said to me. He admits he invited the two of them over so they could possibly adopt Theo. He did this all behind my back and I had no idea this was his intention. I instantly snap at him and yell “THEO COMES BEFORE YOU! He is my priority, I take care of him and the house to help you.

If you can’t be grateful for that effort, I don’t know if I can continue with you. He’s comes before you.” I then go downstairs and ask Mike and Sarah to leave. I am enraged. I then pack a bag for Theo and I and we are now staying at my parents until further notice. I don’t know if I can forgive my boyfriend for this.

I can’t trust him to be alone with Theo anymore. My boyfriend has been texting and calling me asking if we can talk this out, but I’m just too mad to say anything to him. Is it worth flushing two and a half years down the drain because he tried to sell my dog? So, AITAH for telling my boyfriend my dog comes before him?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

cvllmervvennn said:

NTA. You were crystal clear from the start that Theo is family. Your boyfriend's sneaky attempt to rehome him was a massive breach of trust. A partner who truly loved you would never put you in that position. He knew the deal from the start. You're right to be furious.

CaptainCringe10151 said:

Absolutely NTA. He literally was plotting to have YOUR dog adopted he’s the A-hole

Jolly_Security_4771 said:

NTA. This was your bf's plan all along. You dont live with a dog without doing all you can to control your allergy. You don't complain about the dog you decided to move in with knowing you were allergic. And you sure as shit don't make plans to rehome your gf's best friend. Get away from this dude.

WhateverYouSay1084 said:

This guy seems like the type to drop your dog off at the shelter without telling you. Keep your dog safe, far away from this guy. It's worth dumping a 2.5 year relationship over, because it shows a deeply selfish and duplicitous side of him that you're just now seeing.

Cosmicshimmer said:

I can understand him thinking he can handle it and discovering he can’t, that’s fair enough, we’re human and sometimes we don’t know until we are in that situation, but his response, to get rid of your dog, without even discussing this with you, is absolutely unforgivable. This was doomed from the start. He’s allergic and shouldn’t be living with a dog. NTA.

Famous_Station3176 said:

The more exposed you are to your allergies the less allergic you become. I don't think it's about the allergies anymore

OP responded:

See that’s what we thought would happen. Because my dad is allergic to cats, but my mom wanted a cat, so they got one. The first month of them having the cat my dad was miserable, stuffy nose, watery eyes, dry eyes, sneezing. But after having the cat for a year he is perfectly fine. He has no issues with her now.

So, I’m not sure why my boyfriend’s allergies didn’t seem to get better. Maybe he wasn’t exposed enough? Or he lied and said they weren’t getting better when they were. I don’t know but it’s not my problem anymore.

She later shared these updates in the comments:

I texted Mike, I don’t have Sarah’s number, and told him everything. Once he knew he turned on my boyfriend saying they couldn’t be friends anymore and that he feels discussed being put in position like that. Both Mike and Sarah have been amazing supportive friends.

The three of us are planning to get lunch next week to talk things through more so then that way all three of us know everything my boyfriend tried to put us through. They really are amazing people.

I’m already planning to leave my BF. After talking to family and friends about it they all understand my situation and the decision I’m making. Luckily my parents will allow me to move back home till I’m able to get back on my feet again, I am very grateful for that.

She later wrote in the comments:

Him and I are done. The only contact I’m keeping with him is to get the rest of my things and getting out of the lease. Once everything is said and done he will be blocked.

Sounds like she made the right decision! #TeamTheo