'AITA for prioritizing my sister’s wedding over my girlfriend’s birthday after she gave me an ultimatum?'
"AITA for prioritizing my sister’s wedding over my girlfriend’s birthday after she gave me an ultimatum?"
My girlfriend "Lisa" and I have been together for two years. Her birthday is coming up, and she’s been planning a big celebration with friends and family for months. It’s a milestone birthday for her, and she’s really excited about it because she’s always felt her birthdays haven’t been celebrated properly in the past.
Here's where it gets complicated: my sister "Jane" just announced her wedding date, and it’s the same weekend as Lisa’s birthday. Jane and her fiancé had to move their wedding up due to some family health issues, and now it's a small, intimate ceremony that means a lot to her. Jane asked me to be part of the wedding party, and as her only sibling, it’s important to me to be there.
When I broke the news to Lisa, she was devastated. She feels that her birthday should be a priority, especially since I’ve known about it for so long. She’s also hurt because she planned this big event with her closest people, and my absence would be noticeable. I suggested celebrating her birthday a day earlier or later, or even me flying back the next morning, but she wasn't having any of it.
Things escalated when Lisa gave me an ultimatum: either I attend her birthday party, or we’re done. She feels this is a test of my commitment to our relationship and argues that if I loved her, I would prioritize her special day. I explained that my sister’s wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event and that I can't miss it, but she insists I’m choosing my family over her.
Now, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. My family thinks it’s obvious I should go to my sister’s wedding, but some of our mutual friends say Lisa has a point and that birthdays are important milestones in a relationship.
I don’t want to hurt either of them, but I can’t be in two places at once. AITA for prioritizing my sister’s wedding over my girlfriend’s birthday after she gave me an ultimatum?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FierceFemme77 said:
Did you sister move it up to that weekend knowing about the birthday weekend or did they just move it up and didn’t realize until you told them it was the same date as her birthday?
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA. You are not stuck between a rock and a hard place. Tell your GF it's been nice and "Goodbye and good luck."
miyuki_m said:
NTA. I can't imagine giving an ultimatum like this. It's your sister's wedding. It's a once-in-a-lifetime family event. A GF doesn't get to demand that you skip it for a birthday party. If she's willing to end the relationship because you can't miss your sister's wedding, she's not the one. She should be disappointed, not angry and threatening.
DivineTarot said:
NTA. I know people will say, "but your SO should be your priority", but I hate how singular this makes a person's life becomes just because they meet someone. You still have family, they're still part of your support network, and neglecting them just because your SO is demanding and manipulative is a bad choice. Choose your sister.
Cultural-Ambition449 said:
If I were in your girlfriend's place, I would absolutely encourage you to attend your sister's wedding. That your actual girlfriend did not should tell you everything about how she'll act when it comes to your family and everyone else in your life going forward. This is a wedding, not a family barbecue or a nephew's little league tournament. NTA.
AuthenticLiving7 said:
ESH. I feel you could have informed your sister of the birthday situation prior to her announcing the new wedding date. The birthday is clearly important to your gf and she has been planning it for months. You really dropped the ball here.
But your gf is also being unrealistic to expect you not to attend your sister's wedding. But I think you need to acknowledge how you dropped the ball and figure a way to make it up to her. Assuming you both stay together.
Later, OP provided a mini update:
Little update...after this post I texted and called out her behavior and now she is crying saying I don't even care for her. Am trying to calm her down but she is really crying a lot (did little video call to see her face). Idk what to do bruh...
Little more update....I think now she has calmed down a bit and is understanding my pov. I said I'll try to either rush things and be on both sides for small time or we will celebrate a grand one next time/day whenever she likes.
Now she said "ok" and then wrote long a%s emotional para on how much she loves me. After reading that even I got emotional. Idk if it was genuine or not though. To the people asking it will be her 21st.