'AITA for punishing my teenage daughter for lying about where she was?'
"AITA for punishing my teenage daughter for lying about where she was?"
My daughter (16F) told me she was going to spend the night at a friend’s house, something she’s done before without issues. However, later that night, I received a message from her friend’s mom saying my daughter never showed up.
I immediately panicked and, after calling her multiple times without an answer, she finally picked up and admitted she was actually at a party. When she came home, I confronted her, and she admitted she lied because she knew I wouldn’t let her go if she told the truth.
I decided to punish her by taking away her phone for two weeks and not allowing her to go out during that time. My reasoning is that she needs to learn responsibility and honesty. However, my daughter thinks I’m being too strict and overreacting, saying "everyone goes to parties at her age."
My wife (38F) agrees with her to some extent, saying I might have been too harsh and that teenagers often lie to avoid conflict with their parents.
I understand that teenagers make mistakes, but I also believe it’s my job as a parent to teach her that lying has consequences. I don’t want her to think it’s okay to hide important things or that lying to her parents is acceptable.
My wife and I have argued about this punishment several times, and now I’m wondering if maybe I was too harsh, but I also want my daughter to learn an important lesson. So, AITA for punishing her so severely?
Edit from OP in the comments:
Since the punishment, my daughter barely speaks to me, and my wife keeps saying I was too harsh. I understand that teens make mistakes, but I don’t want her to think lying is okay. I’m worried this could affect our relationship long-term. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve handled the situation differently, but at the moment, it felt like the right thing to do.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA, but this is definitely a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation. I would make it clear to your daughter that the punishment is not for going to a party, it’s for lying, especially when she says something like “everyone her age goes to parties”. That’s irrelevant and not the point. Point is she lied.
At the end of the day, that sort of behavior needs to be nipped at the bud. This is a safety issue. God forbid something happens to her or you need to find her and you can’t. Also, just a suggestion for next time: talk to your wife and agree on a punishment together. A united front is necessary for teenagers.
Overall, consequences are necessary for bad behavior. Essentially being “grounded” for two weeks is not that bad. If you want to talk to your wife to find some sort of middle ground, up to you. Good luck with everything
Also, I hated my parents sometimes when I was a kid too. She’s upset, which is normal. I’d give it a little more time and have some conversations with her.
NTA i had almost this exact thing happen to me. except I was grounded for a month and no phone for 2 weeks of that. at the end of the day, she may be upset but you did what you needed to do as a parent. i don’t sit here as an adult and dwell on that punishment. i f#$^&d around and found out. same as your daughter. she’ll move on eventually.
Your wife is an idiot. Two weeks is nothing. Stick to it.
She'll get over it. What does your wife think is a suitable punishment? Perhaps something to discuss for any future issues. It's so important you guys be on the same page or this kid will see that and use it! You and mom gotta be a team here.
Too harsh? That punishment seems too lenient.
I'd say YTA, While I do know how worried you must've been at the time, I still don't think you should punish her so harshly. Watching over a teenager is nearly impossible, and while I do know you probably felt betrayed to be lied to by your own daughter, I still think two weeks with no social interaction is too much. I'd personally just make her wash the car or clean the whole house.