'WIBTA if I purposely didn't get my niece what she wanted for Christmas?'
"WIBTA if I purposely didn't get my niece what she wanted for Christmas?"
I have 3 nieces, Alice (14), Olivia (11) and Ella (8). 2 weeks ago, I went to visit them. I told them that I was going to be shopping for their Christmas presents soon, and asked them each in turn what they would like me to get them (they prefer to ask for specific things rather than get surprises).
The eldest two, Alice and Olivia, both gave me short lists of things they wanted. Ella just said she wanted "Stitch stuff." (as in Lilo and Stitch.) She didn't have any specific ideas, just Stitch-themed merchandise in general.
So I went out and bought all their presents. For Alice and Olivia I chose a few specific things from their lists. I got Ella a few Stitch themed things including a paint-your-own Stitch figure, a pack of Stitch themed fruit scented lip glosses and a snuggly Stitch blanket for her bed.
Today, I went round to visit the girls again. I mentioned how I'm glad I've finished my Christmas shopping, and Olivia asked whether I had got her the heatless hair curling set she asked for. I said "maybe, maybe not, you'll have to wait and see!" (For the record, I have indeed got it for her.)
Ella overheard this conversation and said "I want you to get me a heatless curler too!" So I said "sorry Ella, you're a bit late, I've already bought all your Christmas presents!" She then asked what I had got her, and I said Stitch stuff.
At that, she looked annoyed and said "What?! I don't want Stitch stuff!" I said "Last time I was here I asked you what you wanted and you said Stitch stuff, so that's what I've got you." She replied "No I didn't!" (She definitely did, because I wrote it down there and then, and her sisters helped me think of a few Stitch things she might like.)
I was half expecting this because Ella has a habit of changing her mind about what she wants, weeks after she has already asked for something and I've already bought her presents. It was par for the course when she was little, but now she's 8 and I do feel she ought to know better by know.
I really don't need the hassle of returning all the stuff I've bought (that's already wrapped and under the tree) and getting her something else, but I do kinda feel bad for her.
WIBTA for sticking to my guns and giving her the Stitch stuff even though she now apparently doesn't want it? Would it be a good idea to help her learn the lesson that she has to be sure when she asks for things and can't just change her mind with no notice? or am I being too harsh on an 8 year old?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
I mean... I'm hesitant to call an 8yo an AH, but...
NTA.
As a teacher of 8 year olds, I can confirm that sometimes they are AHs. Hopefully she’ll grow out of it!
An 8 y/o is peak KID. Especially when it comes to completing with siblings. An adult created all this drama by teasing clues and basically just telling on presents and then ruining the surprise altogether. I mean the whole present giving 'moment' is over basically cos Aunty loud mouth needed attention or gratification or something from little girls.
Of course that's going to create something in a group of young siblings. I grew up so poor but if I was just told matter of factly around my siblings what I'm getting even if I asked for it earlier, I would still be deflated. The whole magic of it is adults surprising kids with whatever they chose on one special day. Bleh.
BeatificBanana (OP)
I appreciate your perspective. I wasn't looking for attention or gratification, it's just that Olivia outright asked me whether I'd bought her the curler. I didn't want to say yes (and spoil the fun) or say no (that would be lying) so the only thing I could really say was "maybe, wait and see". I didn't intend for that to come across as "teasing clues".
And similarly when Ella asked me what I'd got her I didn't think it would ruin the surprise by reminding her she'd asked for Stitch stuff (I didn't say anything more specific like telling her I'd got a stitch blanket etc, just the theme). But maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. I'll remember for next time.
As a mother of an 8yo girl, Id say for you to stick with what you got her. Girls that age like what their mates do, and want to show off what they have. My daughters mates are always gloating about the latest stich stuff.
You got it right, she just wants what her sisters have. You just tell her, "I did what you asked, but you can always spend any money you get for Xmas in the sales for what you didn't get that you wanted." I've had to say this as I've now finished my girls list and she's trying to add on Dr who stuff.
Had you kept silent on finishing Christmas shopping, this problem would not have emerged. Another example of the less information you provide the better in multiple cases.
NTA, but can’t you soften the “no” by saying you can get it for her next birthday or next Christmas or something? Or you could have kept your answer non-specific and positive, and said you got her what she asked for last time you saw her, but not remind her what that was, and just tell her to “wait and see” as well. So NTA for not buying all new presents, but slight Y T A for how you handled the situation.