'AITA for telling my friend I would rather my boyfriend order my food than a boyfriend who constantly cheats on me?'
"AITA for telling my friend I would rather my boyfriend order my food than a boyfriend who constantly cheats on me?"
I 25F am dating my boyfriend 26M and have been for almost 2 years now. People would describe me as a “shy” person… I call myself selective about who I talk to. I do have anxiety about talking to new people and ordering food. I don’t know why… but talking to new people or making new friends has never been easy for me.
When my boyfriend and I first started dating I would ask him to go in and order food for me so I didn’t have to. Or I ask him to go into places because I don’t want to go myself.
My friends and I went out to Texas Roadhouse. It was my boyfriend and myself. My best friend (Vanessa) I’ve known since 4th grade and her husband and then my friend (Sarah)I’ve known since freshman year of college and her boyfriend.
I told my boyfriend what I wanted and he went “I’ll have xyz and she’ll have xyz” and the waiter walked away and Sarah goes “Did you see the way the waiter looked at you? He probably thinks your boyfriend **** you because you wouldn’t order your own food” and I’m taken aback and say that’s a horrible thing to say.
Vanessa says that’s not okay. It’s been about 10 minutes and We get our appetizers and she goes back at it. “Is he going to feed it to you as well” and my boyfriend Jokingly feeds me food. And goes “I’ll baby bird it to her if she wants” we think it’s funny but she clearly doesn’t.
She goes on about how it’s weird I want to be treated like a child and how am I nurse if I have a phobia of talking to new people. I tried to tell her that’s completely different for me… I don’t know why but it is. That it’s probably a more awkward experience for them than it is for me. She Just keeps at it.
Our food comes and my boyfriend cuts my steak for me (he usually takes the fat pieces because I don’t like it. I’ll typically do the rest) and she has a problem with that too.
I eventually get tired of it and say “Well if my boyfriend ordering and cutting my food is worse than a boyfriend who constantly cheats on me, I’ll take it” she got up and stormed off and her boyfriend told me that wasn’t cool and he left.
The rest of the dinner went great. Later that night I got a text in the group chat and she said she wouldn’t be coming around anymore unless I apologized. I told her that’s not happening… you alluded that I’m being hurt. I’m conflicted. I feel bad but I’m not going to sit there while someone says something that horrible.
For all the people saying, I insinuated or made a false accusation of him being a cheater, she talks to us about him cheating every time he does it. He talks to my boyfriend and Vanessa’s husband about doing it … it wasn’t a lie, and it wasn’t to trying to spring on new information. She knows he’s a cheater. He knows he’s a cheater. We all know he’s a cheater….
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
She's the AH. You're fine.
Exactly, she’s the one being controlling, not you. You deserve someone who respects you, not someone who treats you like an afterthought.
"That wasn't cool."
"Cheating isn't cool either. Do go after her, I don't want you talking to me."
NTA.
She's a massive AHole. My partner orders for me, it isn't a control thing. She's clearly not happy in her relationship or she is so used to being treated like garbage she doesn't know how a real relationship works.
Right?! How purposefully oblivious do you have to be here? First off ordering for your partner isn’t controlling so long as they actually want you to. Even if they do it without asking there are some guys who are taught this is actually proper manners and what they’re supposed to do as the man in a relationship.
Old fashioned and kinda out of touch? Sure, could be- a sign of abuse? No, not even a bit (I mean unless she tries to order and he changes her order or he does it really insultingly). NTA- her behavior was bizarre and a painfully obvious lash out of jealousy. She knows he orders for you because that’s what you want. He cares about you, respects you, supports you and accepts you issues and all.
NTA - They are the one being an AH, they need to grow up. Causing and argument over something like that seriously come on, i do believe taking a shot at their boyfriend was a bit low but to be honest they should be the one apologizing to you since she was trying to make a big deal out of something so little. If they cant come to term with themselves being wrong then just cut them off.
CountAccomplished520 (OP)
It really wasn’t meant to be an intentional shot at him… more at her and what she tolerates... maybe I should have left that out but I’m a person who tries to hold my tongue and be the bigger person until I’ve been pushed too many times.
I can tell you why you're fine with being a nurse, because you're addressing people who are in a vulnerable state. You seem to have some type of social anxiety of sorts and knowing somebody else is also feeling vulnerable sends a signal to your brain telling you you're "safe".
Also might be because you may or may not ever see that person again so there's no fear in it, but then you'd be okay with talking to a waitress most likely if it was stranger related. Your friend is a legitimate AH and needs to mind her business. There was no reason to bring that up in front of everybody. If it bothered her that much she could've talked to you in private. IMO 🤷♀️.