Real wife 'sets the record straight' when husband's coworker calls herself his 'work wife' at holiday party. AITA?

"AITA for setting a woman straight when she claimed to be my husband's workwife in my house?"

I (30F) am married to my husband Nick (35M) and we have a happy marriage. We have been together for 7 years and we are currently trying for a baby. The company where my husband works informed the employees that they will not have a Christmas party this year due to them trying to cut out costs.

Some of the guys from his department decided to have something small between them. My husband asked if they can have their gathering at our place and I said sure. I was also excited to see 2 of his colleagues because they worked with me in the past and I wanted to catch up with them.

So we hosted last weekend. My husband invited the 2 colleagues I mentioned earlier who came with their wives, another guy who is also a good friend of ours and 1 woman (Lily) who also works with them. We had a great time and it was very nice for me to be able to see my former colleagues.

They were telling me stories from their office and we really had fun remembering our time working together. Lily however was very awkward but I assumed she was just stressed meeting new people. However she started saying strange things.

At first she mentioned how disappointing it must be for my husband that I don't work in the same field as him because we most likely can never share anything professionally. Then she said how lucky I am to be able to have my career while being so young.

For info, I have a high management position and I work in a mostly male-dominated field. The thing is that she was seemingly nice and sweet when saying these things but I can easily detect when people are trying to be passive aggressive or imply things.

Later on Nick was sorting an order out in the kitchen with our friend and I was in the living room with the rest. We were having a drink and the guys were mocking my husband's habits of not paying attention during meetings. Lily then said that it's good that Nick has his "workwife" there to make life easy for him.

I was confused and asked what a workwife was. Lily laughed and asked me how is it possible to not know what a workwife was. The 2 other wives backed me up and mentioned they never heard this term either so Lily explained that a workwife is a woman who works closely with a guy, knows him very well and helps him out at work, therefore acting as his wife.

She also told me I don't need to feel insecure or jealous because there is nothing wrong with it. In that moment I was pissed but kept my cool and responded to her smiling that I have no reason to feel insecure since I am the legal wife and actually the only legally and morally recognized partner of my husband.

I added that it seems she does not know my husband that well because if she did she would have known that we are not the jealous type since his best friend is a girl and I also have male friends.

I think her comments rubbed everyone present the wrong way because when my husband came from the kicken, one of the guys loudly asked him something along the lines 'Dude, have you ever heard of wokwives?' and my husband (in his own characteristic way) made a face and said 'No, wtf is that?'

After everyone left I told my husband what happened and he said Lily is crazy because they are not close and she is in no way anything else to him other than a work colleague. I truly believe my husband and I surely know he does not encourage Lily in this.

But today Nick told me that Lily has been complaining around the office that I was rude to her while she was a guest in my house, and that I humiliated her in front of her colleagues.

The guy who is my former colleague and who was present when this happened defended me in their office and told her that maybe she should not try to stir stuff in other people's homes and that even his own wife was bothered by what she said.

It is sweet that my former colleague defended me and I appreciate it but this caused Lily to tell their colleagues that me and the wives are jealous of her and ganged up against her. My husband and the guys have been telling people that her claims are not true but I feel bad.

So what I am asking is was I really that rude to her? I know my faults, and I know I have a temper and I am impulsive, so now I think that all this office drama could have been avoided if I did not answer back.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

x_theNextHokage said:

NTA, work wife is a pretty common term so I'm surprised none of you had heard it, but she was probably upset that all the guys she's been farming attention from at work have wives at home that they care about more than her.

Top_Anybody_1806 said:

NTA. You addressed Lily’s inappropriate comments in a calm and reasonable manner. The concept of “workwife” might be harmless in some contexts, but Lily’s presentation was clearly meant to provoke.

Your reaction was justified given the setting and her implications. It’s unfortunate that this has led to office drama, but the issue lies with how Lily handled the situation, not with your response. You were right to clarify the boundaries and correct any misconceptions in your own home.

Orphen_1989 said:

NTA. Lily seems like the type that loves attention from men. She was probably intimidated that everyones wives were there. And by you the most since you have a good career and a nice house.

It must've been a stark reality check for her to realize that her coworkers are not her personal little harem of men. So she tried stirring problems, but got denied by everyone present.

Now she is lobbying for attention and sympathy from the coworkers who weren't there. She isn't a 'work wife' she's an 'office sl**'. However she should limit her attention seeking to the men who are single.

AuthorEast8824 said:

NTA Lily is experiencing some FAFO and is unhappy about it. She tried to stir trouble and now is complaining about the result. You did not insult her or accuse her of anything, you just clarified her misconceptions about you and your husband. Good for you for standing up for your marriage while also not crossing the line.

redditblacky1673 said:

NTA. She didn’t like the fact that you were friendly with your old colleagues and wanted to take center stage. And was pushed back.

iknowsomethings2 said:

NTA. Lily is a pick-me. Make sure your husband distances himself at work and she won’t be invited to any more celebrations with you ever. She ruined it for herself. How pathetic