"AITA for recording my friend’s girlfriend and then exposing her?"

My best friend Andrew (23M) and I (23F) have been best friends for over 6 years. We did have a brief stint for a few months last year where we were FWB, but we always talked about how we were better off as best friends so it never turned into a relationship, and that’s exactly how we both wanted it.

Andrew recently started dating a new girl named Kelsey (22F). They’ve been together for about 3 months. Obviously Andrew did not hide anything and was honest with her about how we did have a pure FWB relationship at one point, but that we’re best friends and nothing more.

I already know she didn’t like me before, but once learning about the FWB thing, it’s pretty clear that she hates me and doesn’t want me and Andrew to be friends at all.

Andrew and I had a conversation, and I told him that while Kelsey’s actions and hatred towards me is a bit extreme, that as a girl I do understand how it’s uncomfortable if your boyfriend’s had any kind of history with his close female friend and that out of respect for them both I’m going to draw some boundaries between us and that we probably need to change how we are as friends.

Andrew disagreed and said we don’t need to change anything bc there’s nothing going on between us, and as a solution told me that we should all three get lunch together so that hopefully Kelsey can see I’m not as bad as she thinks I am. I reluctantly agreed.

Fast forward to this lunch when Andrew goes to the bathroom. Kelsey took this as an opportunity to tell me that I need to back off and that she doesn’t want me in their lives and that she only came to this lunch to make Andrew happy.

She accused me of having feelings for Andrew and trying to steal him from her, and said that if I told him about this conversation that she would deny it and then asked “who’s side do you think he’ll take anyways?”. Little did she know I recorded this whole conversation on my phone.

That was a month ago. I didn’t have plans to do anything with the recording and I ended up listening to her and backed off because I didn’t want to cause drama between them. Andrew messaged me yesterday telling me that he’s felt me being distant since that lunch, and said Kelsey had told him that I was rude/mean to her when he went to the bathroom.

I got pissed that she lied and sent him the recording and told him to listen for himself. Apparently he broke up with her, and Kelsey sent me an angry message today via FB telling me that I was such a homewrecker and an AH, that I was a creep for recording her in the first place, and some other choice things. AITA for exposing the recording/recording in the first place?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

BlueL4zer said:

NTA. You weren't planning to share the recording, but she tried to slander you. You were just clearing your name. I'm very often the advocate for "two wrongs don't make a right," which people will likely throw at you here, but that simply isn't the case. You didn't share the recording until it became your alibi. That's totally justified.

fzooey78 said:

NTA. Well played. It sounds like you recognize how murky co-ed relationships can be and were trying to draw reasonable and respectful boundaries. Ones that didn't compromise his relationship, you, or her.

But you also safe guarded yourself, because you anticipated her crazy. The only reason she's pissed and calling it creepy is because she was caught in a lie. Anyone saying you suck for recording is dense. Good for you.

dsusdsus said:

NTA- recording her was borderline, but you didnt show him the recording right away. You became distant because you didnt want to mess things up. He wanted to know why you became distant and you told him. Nothing wrong here. The girlfriend seems selfish to me.

And rnbret said:

NTA. Based on your comments, it sounds like you started recording once she started laying into you. I would have done the same in your shoes. You then kept the recording to yourself and backed off. That was a very mature and restrained action for somebody your age. Good for you.

Once you found out she was lying about what you said during the lunch, you had every right to send the recording to your friend so he could find out for himself what his girlfriend’s character was.

You helped him dodge a toxic relationship. Everybody in this story has some growing up to do (in real life there is usually no such thing as “we’re just best friends who used to have sex!”), but overall, you have demonstrated that you are the most thoughtful and most grounded of the three people in this situation.

Do you agree?