'AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding after she uninvited my partner?'
"AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding after she uninvited my partner?"
I (28F) have been with my partner (32M) for almost five years. We’ve built a life together—we live in the same apartment, share expenses, and are honestly planning to get married at some point.
He’s been by my side through a lot of major life moments, and he’s become an important part of my family’s life, too. My parents and siblings know him well, and he’s always been included in family holidays, dinners, and even trips.
My younger sister (26F) is getting married in a few months. Initially, I was so excited for her. When she first sent out her wedding invitations, my partner was included as my plus-one, which I thought was totally normal given how long we’ve been together. He’s been to plenty of family weddings and events, and everyone considers him part of the family.
But last week, I got a call from my sister, and she told me that she’s decided to change her wedding plans and uninvite my partner. She explained that she wanted to keep the wedding “small and family-only” and that, since we’re not married, he’s technically not family yet.
I was shocked because this came completely out of nowhere. My partner has always been treated like family by everyone, and I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly being excluded from such a big event. I told her I didn’t think it was fair.
I tried to reason with her, but she was adamant. She said she wanted to “simplify things” and didn’t want to explain to distant relatives why my boyfriend was there when we’re “just dating.” I told her that we aren’t “just dating” and that our relationship is serious. I asked if her decision would be the same if we were engaged, and she said yes unless we were legally married.
I was hurt, and honestly, I felt like she was being really disrespectful to my relationship. I told her that if my partner wasn’t invited, I didn’t think I could attend. She got upset and accused me of trying to make her wedding about me and creating unnecessary drama. She said it’s her big day and that I should respect her wishes.
Now, my parents are mad at me, too. They’re saying that I should suck it up, go to the wedding, and “keep the peace” because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event and I should support my sister.
I’m feeling really torn. On one hand, I love my sister and want to be there for her, but on the other hand, I feel like it’s unfair for her to exclude my partner after everything we’ve been through together. I don’t want to go without him because it feels like a slap in the face to our relationship. My partner hasn’t said much—he says he’ll support whatever decision I make, but I can tell he’s hurt, too.
Am I being unreasonable for standing my ground and refusing to go without him? AITA for not attending the wedding?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
It’s weird that your sister is suddenly concerned about what “distant relatives” will think. Are they really going to care or even ask why your long-term partner is at the wedding? This sounds more like an issue she has with your relationship, not about simplifying the guest list. You’re NTA for standing up for your relationship. If she can’t respect that, it’s on her.
Also, how are distant relatives at all included in something "small and family only".
NTA. Five years is not “just dating” , you’ve built a life together. The fact that she’s treating your partner like he’s not part of your family just because there’s no marriage certificate is ridiculous. It’s also pretty hurtful that she’s suddenly excluding him. Stand your ground! You’re not overreacting. If she can’t respect your relationship, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to go without him.
NTA. Taking back an invite is a pretty crappy thing to do, honoring commitments is part of being a decent person.
OP tell them you would rather keep the peace with your immediate family, your partner of 5 years. Whom I assume you have known longer than your sister has known her almost husband?
Accept invite, tell her you will be married before her wedding so she needs a spot for your soon to be husband. Get married the weekend before hers. Civil ceremony, at courthouse. Flash pictures on social media. Tag your sister in it. Thank her for pushing you to get married, and you can't wait for her wedding next weekend. Anul the marriage Monday after her wedding.