'AITA for refusing to give my husband the cash I got back from a present he asked me to return?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to give my husband the cash I got back from a present he asked me to return?"
For context, my husband 46yo got into a terrible cycling accident last year. He suffered from a punctured lung requiring a chest tube, 3 broken ribs and a broken clavicle. He spent 5 days in the hospital. It was really scary for all of us. He is finally back on the bike and training again.
The kids and I worked really hard for his birthday present this year, we wanted it to be something to recognize how proud we were of him getting back on the bike. It's important to mention that when asked what he wanted for his birthday he would tell us "I don't need anything".
We (by we I mean me because our kids are both under the age of 7) got him a Garmin Varia, which is a bike radar and camera that provides a taillight, visibility to approaching cars and notifies the biker of approaching cars. Total cost was $500
We gave it to him last night and it was pretty obvious he did not want it. This morning he asked me to return it. I'm pissed about his ungrateful reaction but that's another conversation.
Later on today he informs me that he will just take the $500 cash amount as his present instead. I told him hell no. He doesn't want the gift, fine, but I'm not giving him the money especially with how ungrateful he was for the original gift.
He's saying I'm the a$%$ole, and that it's his gift and therefore his cash. So AITA for not giving my husband the cash that I'm getting back for returning the gift he didn't like?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
As a cyclist myself, I'm confused why he wouldn't want that rear camera for extra insurance. Especially after being in an accident.
What really gets me here is how your husband acted like the thoughtful gift you and the kids chose meant nothing. After everything he’s been through, it seems like the least he could do was be grateful for a present that celebrated his recovery. Instead, he flat-out rejected it, and then had the nerve to ask for the money back.
The audacity to demand cash instead of appreciating the time, effort, and love behind the gift shows a complete lack of respect for you and your family. It’s almost as if he feels entitled to everything without ever stopping to consider the emotional weight of your actions.
Your husband went through his own experiences after his accident. Perhaps he is not as comfortable about being on a bike as you think he is? Maybe someone should ask him why he doesn’t love the gift?
It appears this gift is more about how you feel & less about your husband.
Nah he's riding like 20 miles several times a week he is back to training for a triathlon
Info- out of curiosity, if he wasn’t interested in the gift- how did he know the cost and why didn’t he return it himself?
Asking for the nitwits in the peanut gallery who are insisting that the gift “is about how you feel” - which is actually the point of giving a gift to express your love??!!
He knows about the product because he has other Garmin products. He estimated and was right. Idk why he won't initiate the return himself but regardless the money will go back on my card not his.
NTA - it WAS his gift until he refused it and told you to return it. Then it was yours to do with as you saw fit. I think the doctors missed that stick that’s still up his a@#
Haha that made me laugh
4 days later OP came back with this update:
Thank you everyone for your advice. I want to clarify a few things
1. This present was not a way to encourage him back on the bike. He has been riding again for several months now, 20 + miles at least 3 days a week. He is training for a triathlon
2. I asked my husband if the present triggered him or brought back any traumatic memories. He told me it did not. His reason for not wanting it is that he doesn't want all the extra electronics on his bike. He did apologize for his reaction and thanked the kids and I for the thoughtful gift, but explained that he would never use it
3. Not that it's really anyone's business, but we have a joint account and then we each have our own separate bank accounts. It works for us.
4. I did not give him the money. we agreed to use some of the money to set up a fire pit in our backyard which is something he has wanted to do for a while. The rest of the cash is going back in my wallet
5. I got the Garmin Varia RCT715 with rear view bike camera for $399 and then I got the Garmin edge 130 plus compact bike computer to go with it which was $120 for those of you questioning if I'm telling the truth about the price 🙄
That's all folks. I wish he kept the gift for his safety but I can't force him to use it. I've learned my lesson and I will no longer be buying surprise gifts for him. If he doesn't tell me exactly what he wants he will get a gift card.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
People will be mad at this because it wasn’t some big blowout update. You both acted like adults and came to compromise and that’s awesome.
Keep the communication open with your husband. It's the key to a healthy relationship. Maybe,he'll surprise you with a gift card for your next birthday. 😉
It sounds like you’re doing what's best for both of you, even if it’s not what others might expect. A joint effort for the fire pit is a great compromise. As for the gift, it's okay to learn and adjust next time, just ask what he wants!