'AITA for refusing to let my brother’s fiancée wear white to my wedding?'
"AITA for refusing to let my brother’s fiancée wear white to my wedding?"
So, I (27F) am getting married in March to my fiancé (28M). We're keeping the wedding fairly traditional, and I’ve been looking forward to this day for years.
Here’s where the problem comes in: my brother’s fiancée, Emily (25F), approached me at our family Christmas gathering and casually mentioned that she found the “perfect dress” for my wedding. She pulled up a picture on her phone, and it was a full-on white gown. Not off-white or cream—straight-up bridal white.
I was a little taken aback and said, “Oh, Emily, I don’t think that’ll work. Brides usually wear white, and it might confuse people.” She kind of laughed it off and said, “It’s fine, I’m not trying to upstage you or anything. I just love how I look in white.”
I told her I’d prefer if she found something else, but she brushed me off and said, “It’s your day, no one’s going to mistake me for the bride.”
I brought this up with my brother, and he got defensive, saying I’m “making a big deal out of nothing” and that Emily is “just being herself.” He also accused me of being insecure if I think people will actually think she’s the bride.
I’m honestly upset. I don’t want a confrontation, but I feel like it’s common knowledge not to wear white to a wedding unless you’re the bride. My fiancé agrees with me, and so does my mom, but my brother and Emily are acting like I’m a control freak.
I told Emily again (nicely) that she’s welcome to come in any other color, but wearing white is a no-go. She rolled her eyes and said she didn’t understand why I was being so “uptight” about it. Now I’m wondering if I’m overreacting? So, AITA for sticking to this boundary?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. It’s basic wedding etiquette not to wear white unless you’re the bride. Emily’s refusal to respect that is rude and attention-seeking, no matter how much she “loves how she looks in white.” You’re not being a control freak; you’re asking for a very reasonable boundary on your wedding day. If she can’t respect that, that’s on her, not you.
LegionBreaker22 OP:
Should I just uninvite her? My family might get offended if I uninvite her
Yes. Have you sent the invites out already? Personally, I would ask around family and friends first so that everyone knows that Emily is a bitch and can agree with you.
But I would absolutely disinvite Emily, unless one of your bridesmaids offers to spill red wine on your wedding day. It also means you can wear white to her wedding and just leave before the drinks come out. Emily is absolutely doing this on purpose.
I think you’re totally in the right here. It’s your wedding day, and you should feel comfortable with how everything goes down, including what guests wear. Wearing white is traditionally reserved for the bride, and it sounds like you’ve communicated your feelings pretty clearly.
LegionBreaker22 OP:
But what if she still ends up wearing white
Have a doorman - trusted friend, event staff, or hired security, depending on circumstances and budget to turn her away if she shows up wearing white. If she wants that kind of embarrassment on herself, well, that's her problem.
LegionBreaker22 OP:
She's adamant so she'll show up even if I uninvite her just to create a scene and drama
She can show up if she wants, just talk to the venue to make sure she gets detained, turned away, or trespassed. Her problem, not your drama to deal with.
Nta. Emily is setting herself to have a whole bottle of wine dumped on her white dress.