My (27F) husband (30M) and I have been married for three years, and we’re pretty happy with our life right now. We both work full-time, have a small but cozy apartment, and enjoy spending our weekends relaxing or going on little mystery adventures together.
Ones where you pay a fee and get envelopes full of addresses and the company books everything for you. They're really fun and inexpensive, and we try to do at least 3 a year as a couple.
The problem is with my sister-in-law, “Anna” (34F). Anna has three kids (8, 6, and 3), and she’s been struggling a lot since her husband left her last year. I feel for her, I really do, and I’ve tried to help out where I can. However, Anna has recently started asking me to babysit her kids almost every other day and every weekend for free.
At first, I agreed because I knew she needed a break. But it’s gotten to the point where she’s expecting me to drop everything and be available whenever she needs me.
Last weekend, my husband and I had plans to go on a short mystery trip to celebrate our anniversary. It was a long weekend, and we took Friday off of work as well. When Anna found out, she called me up in tears, saying she desperately needed me to watch the kids because she had “no one else.”
I felt terrible, but I told her we had already made plans and couldn’t cancel. She got really upset and accused me of being selfish and not caring about family. She even tried to guilt-trip my husband into making me stay behind, but he stood by me and said he was excited to go on the getaway.
Now, Anna isn’t speaking to me, and my MIL called to tell me how disappointed she is that I’m not helping Anna more. My husband is supportive, but I’m starting to feel guilty. I don’t want to abandon Anna in her time of need, but I also don’t think it’s fair for her to expect me to give up all my free time. AITA?
Great-Score2079 said:
Tell your MIL to watch her grandchildren and leave you alone NTA.
FloMoJoeBlow said:
Why the eff isn't MIL helping her? NTA. You have your life and it's ok to babysit when convenient for you and husband, but it's not ok for her to expect that you should drop everything and babysit whenever she wants it.
mrs-poocasso69 said:
NTA - Why is her ex not spending time with his kids? Why is the ex’s family or MIL not helping out? You are not the only family member, and even if you were, you don’t owe her free babysitting. She is passing her kids off on you to “get a break” but that is taking away your break from work.
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA. You need to put a stop to this ASAP. Don't fall for her sob story. Anna is going to have to face her new reality at some point. Now is the time.
kmflushing said:
NTA. You need to set up some strong boundaries and have your husband support the hell out of you. Or just stop babysitting. MIL can do it since she's so eager for SIL to have enough help and support.
Still_Actuator_8316 said:
NTA. Your SIL is using you. And trying to manipulate you into being her free babysitter. You already know this. You have helped her in the past and im guessing alot. And will probably help her again in the future.
Which is all good. But you need your special time with your husband. So talk to her and find out why you are the only one she can rely on when she needs a break. What is the story with the rest of her family