"AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side?"

It sounds like an @$$hole thing from the title but let me just give a few extra details. He is my biological son but I haven’t been allowed in his life or am recognized as one. This happened after a pretty messed up night of getting wasted with my brother and his wife.

We were all really drunk. Most of the night was a blur but basically her and I slept together, with my brother's permission. In the morning we realized how badly we all messed up and agreed it will never happen again.

My brother and I became a little estranged for a while because it was too weird to be around eachother. They later announced being pregnant but I thought I was safe because she took plan b the morning after it happened just incase. After he was born I was getting doubts though and really wanted to know for sure he wasn’t mine.

My brother eventually agreed to a paternity test and that said I’m the father. I’ve been wanting to be in my son’s life but they won’t let me. My family was on his side about it and told me to stop being selfish because on paper this is his child (since they’re married) and if I’m around it’s going to complicate their marriage even more.

The whole time I tried to convince them my parents would say I’m a horrible younger brother. He felt that way too when I’d ask if I could at least come over to maybe play with him for a little bit. So about 2 months ago I gave up but kept my distance from them because it hurts too much. He’s 10 months old, still haven’t gotten to hold him.

But now because his mother in law got into an accident they want me to watch him for a few days. My brother is flying with her to go see her mom because he has to help out too. Our parents right now are in the UK for a couple months. They can’t bring him because they’re worried he might get sick if they take him to an airport.

My brother says it’s only 3 days, if there was anyone else that could watch him then he’d ask but he really needs help. I told him no because he’s fine with me being a sitter when it’s at their convenience but I’m not allowed to be a dad to my son? Then it might also hurt a lot more to actually spend time with him then have to give him back and not be allowed to see him anymore.

We started arguing and we were yelling at eachother. My brother told me to grow up and stop being petty about what happened even more right now that there’s an actual emergency and they need someone’s help. I do feel bad because I get it’s a serious issue happening with her mom so they need to be there. At the same time I’m still mad about what they did so I don’t know if that’s just being petty. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

jimrow83 said:

NTA....ESH...... I have no clue. This is above our pay grade.

We need Jerry Springer for this one.

icbing said:

NTA-- This is beyond AITA pay grade. I think it is unfair of them to ask you to babysit when they clearly know that you want and have an emotional attachment. I'm so sorry you're in this position

OP responded:

I figured it would be because I get it’s a complex situation but I wanted a 3rd party’s eyes that obviously doesn’t have emotional ties to this

Loreo1964 said:

NTA. After you watch him for the 3 days then what? They rip him from your arms again? They're lucky you haven't sued for visitation.

OP responded:

That would be the most painful part.

And RealTalkFastWalk said:

ESH for creating this situation in the first place. Either suck it up and let your brother be the kid’s father and stop fighting it, or go to a lawyer and get your parental rights established and prepare to be estranged from your family. But stop whining about not getting to be the kid’s father and uncle at the same time in only the ways you want. And think about what’s best for this poor baby boy.

Two weeks later, OP shared this major update:

I know there was a lot of mixed opinions on my last post about this. But it still helped a lot hearing feedback from others about this. Support for not wanting to put my heart in a position to be hurt by accepting, but also advice how to handle the situation.

I get it’s an extremely weird situation and people had their things to say about it, I still wanna say thank you to those who genuinely wanted to help and for your honest judgment. In the end I did change my mind about watching my son. Honestly it was one of the most challenging days at first. It took a while to get in tune with his routine.

The first couple nights he was fussy because I was a stranger to him. Little by little we warmed up. He’s gotten so big it totally blew my mind getting that chance to finally hold him, it meant everything. It was very emotional for me. Their trip ended up being longer than the 3 days they anticipated. They left on the 14th late at night, and been gone over a week.

Which was great because I got to spend so many more days with my son and it was just amazing. They barely got back yesterday in the evening. Saying goodbyes was as hard as I was scared it was gonna be. It tore me up. Last night i barely slept. Just how much it was hurt not to be around him.

My brother and I talked this morning. To ask him again if it would ever be possible for them to let me be in my son’s life as his dad. Trying to have a heart to heart conversation. Because I’m not trying to take him away from them but I want to be able to spend time with him. Have some sort of shared custody.

Not right away obviously because he’s still a a baby but after a spending more time establishing a relationship with him and he’s older, then discuss more custody time. He was still against that so I guess there’s my answer for this. SIL called me earlier to say thank you for watching him, she’s sorry because she understands how badly I want to be in my son’s life.

But my brother just doesn’t want that and she has to be on his side about this. I’ve taken a lot of time thinking about this after my post and decided I’m going to fight for my right as his father. I’ve had one consult so far with an attorney. This one was much helpful than the last time I tried talking to one about this.

While he doesn’t guarantee I’ll get anything more than visitation, there’s a chance I’ll be able to establish paternity through the court. He wanted me to know that it’s going to be an uphill battle so to be ready for that. And honestly I am. It’s a crappy situation, I just want to be in my son’s life as his father and not anything less.