'AITA for refusing to include my cheating ex-husband's new wife in our daughter’s graduation photos?'
"AITA for refusing to include my cheating ex-husband's new wife in our daughter’s graduation photos?"
My daughter (18F) just graduated high school and it was a huge deal for us. Her dad and I divorced six years ago when he left me for his now-wife. Our daughter stayed with me full-time, but still had a relationship with him.
At her graduation, he showed up with his wife and tried to orchestrate a big group photo with everyone, including her. I quietly asked my daughter if she was okay with that and she said no, so I stepped in and said we were doing separate photos. His wife made a whole scene, saying I was bitter and setting a bad example.
I calmly said, "This isn’t your moment to be included in. You weren’t around for the late nights, the tears, or the tutoring. This photo is for the people who were." My ex is now blasting me to mutual friends saying I embarrassed him and "diminished his wife's role in our family." AITA for protecting that boundary?
The internet had plenty of strong thoughts about the situation.
Crazy4Swayze420 wrote:
NTA. You played the role of the villian so your daughter didn't have too. She knows what you did for her and that's all that really matters. Let the rest think what they want because that keeps their gaze off your daughter being the one who didn't want to do it.
PsychologicalGain757 wrote:
It’s not even necessarily about cheating. When you show up late in the game, you don’t necessarily deserve the credit. My stepmom didn’t even meet my dad until many years after my parents last ditch attempt to make it work. I was already into my teens by the time she arrived on the scene and she never tried to encroach on my mom’s space or to be included more than I was comfortable with.
It’s been decades and she and I are genuinely friends now. But to have the audacity to come in during the seventh inning and claim the glory is bad enough but to do it as a home-wrecker like in the post is unfathomable. The absolute brazenness of some people is a head shaker for me.
Ticosoon wrote:
Nope nope nope nope nope. NTA.
You protected your kid from having to go under the bus on her day. Good for you. Yes, she is "the stepmother." And if your kid eventually gets married, maybe she will want a whole group shot. But that was not today. End of story.
Goddessofspite wrote:
NTA can’t diminish something that doesn’t exist. She means less than nothing to your daughter clearly and since it was her graduation and her choice she should respect that. You didn’t make the choice, you were adult and mature enough to ask your daughter her wishes on the matter and to follow that. Good job mom. Not your fault your ex is an a$$ NTA
SaltPassenger5441 wrote:
My ex and I always took separate photos of her former bf of four years was involved. I was bitter about the role he played or tried to play in my daughters' lives. However, they all thought it was important to include him for some reason.
You asked your daughter what she wanted and she made the decision. That is what you need to let the new woman know. I have a friend who feels the same way as your daughter and still is getting the same responses. I hope your daughter is able to express her concerns herself.
CatLady7423 wrote:
NTA. Once your daughter said she wasn't OK with dad's new wife being in the picture, that should have been the end of it. The day wasn't about either of them, after all, it was about your daughter. Clearly they didn't respect that, and your comment was a perfect summation of why they should have.
Stadenka1234 wrote:
If the mistress was a decent human being she would know that this day should be about your daughter and her parents. She definitely should stay on the side and not bother with the group pic unless your daughter asks for it herself. How dense is she. NTA.
thehappiesttroll wrote:
NTA. It is far better that you stepped in. I also commend you and your daughter for the way you both kept your patience at the sheer audacity of that woman. Back around the time of my high school graduation, my father (whom I´d been NC with for several years by that point) straight up sent a message to my mother asking when "they" (supposedly he & his new family) can show up.
I just took my mom's phone from her hands and ripped him a new one before she could.
"Diminished his wife's role in our family"
Our?! Should you consider that woman part of your family? Should your daughter? On grounds of what? She obviously wasn´t there for anything beyond the picture taking.
Zookeepergameold8988 wrote:
lol I’d remind him and anyone taking his side that you gave her full credit for her role in your lives. By not letting her in your family pictures she got to look at the family she helped tear apart. Good for you for taking the hit so your daughter got to have her graduation pictures her way. You’re a good parent.
nursepenguin36 wrote:
NTA. “Our family?” You guys no longer are a family thanks to her. There is no “our” here. They made sure of that. You and your ex share a daughter, you are no longer a family. Your daughter is your family, and she made it clear she doesn’t consider his partner in cheating family. He is putting his desire to pretend y’all are all family so he can pretend that they did nothing wrong above his daughter’s feelings.