'AITA for refusing to spend christmas with my grandparents?'

"AITA for refusing to spend christmas with my grandparents?"

My parents have been seperated for 15 years now and they didn’t always get along but this year went well now that my dad broke up with his ex in the beginning of this year.

Now the incident that has led me (f22) to not agreeing to spend christmas with my dad happend a couple weeks ago. We invited my dad to come over for dinner with me, my sisters and my mom.

Everything went well, they had a couple drinks, then went over to my dads house to watch a movie until out of nowhere my dad hit my mom. My mom came home crying ofcourse and me and my brother (who wasn’t here yet but came instantly when he heard about it) immediately went over to his house.

There was a confrontation that got out if hand and I called the cops to have the situation calm down.

The next day my brother and I went to my dad to ask him if he knew what happend. He forgot everything except for small glimpses of the night. He tried to apologise and swore to never drink again but ofcourse the damage had been done.

The next day I went to my grandparents (my dads parents) to tell them what happened and they were also pretty in shock. I told them that we would love to spend christmas all together but without my dad. It was basically us or him.

I thought I was pretty clear but now I got a text message asking if I had “changed my mind”. I replied saying is my dad gonna be there but I got no reply…

My mom says that my grandparents are always choosing him above anyone (since that is what she has gone through in the past) and my sister is also agreeing with me.

But my brother says we have shocked hin already and they just want everyone all together with christmas so maybe I should just let it go. I feel like i’m in my right to defend my mom but I still feel bad for them.

Let's see what readers thought:

lower4 writes:

Holdup, wait. So your goal is to take your mother to do Christmas at her former in-laws' house? And you're upset that they may potentially invite your dad, who is their biological son?

ESH. Your dad hits women, which is a garbage thing to do. You're trying to use this act as a means to drive a wedge between him and his parents. If they decide they don't want to deal with their son on their accord because he's abusive, that's fine, but it seems like you're trying to force their hand.

You have every right to feel like you don't want to see your dad. I don't think you should force that feeling upon others, unless there is way more information.

234wettttoh writes:

ESH - apart from you bc this ultimately seems like an issue with mum and dad but im confused. Why is your mum upset that your dads parents are choosing your dad (their son...) over her (their sons ex)? that makes 0 sense to me....