'AITA for refusing to do my BF's laundry after he told his mom I 'don't do anything' around the house?'

"AITA for refusing to do my boyfriend's laundry after he told his mom I 'don't do anything' around the house?"

So, I (26F) live with my boyfriend (28M). We’ve been together for 3 years, living together for 1. We both work full-time, but I also cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, handle bills, take care of our cat.

He’ll sometimes take out the trash or wash a dish, but that’s about it. I’ve brought it up before, and he says he’ll "try to do more" but never really follows through. Last weekend, we visited his parents for dinner. Out of nowhere, his mom says to me, "So, what do you actually do around the house? [Boyfriend’s name] says you’re not really the domestic type."

I literally just blinked at her. I laughed awkwardly and said, "Well, if by ‘not domestic’ you mean I do everything, then sure." She didn’t even laugh. He looked embarrassed but didn’t say a single word to defend me. On the way home I asked him what that was about and he said, "I just meant you don’t really enjoy housework."
Dude. WHO DOES???

I was mad. He apologized lightly and said it was just a joke. So I decided to take a little break...from his laundry. I stopped doing his clothes completely. Didn’t say a word, just folded mine and left his in the basket.

A week passed. Then two. I could see his pile growing. Finally he asked, "Are you mad again or something? You haven’t done my laundry." I just said, "I thought you said I don’t do anything around the house, so I figured I’d live up to the label."

Now he’s saying I’m being petty and immature, and even his mom texted me saying I should "let it go already." I told her I’d be happy to let it go…right into the washing machine with the rest of his responsibilities.

So…AITA?

The internet did not hold back their thoughts.

IrishTempest50 wrote:

Hmmm, my sister's husband said something similar to her once. That was one of many comments. She didn't wash another item of his. When his mother "talked to her about it" She smiled and nodded didn't say a word.

The next day she packed his laundry up and took it to his mother. His mother was not happy. My sister told her that she would pack up her son's dirty dishes also if she thought she could have an opinion in their marriage. His mother brought the dirty clothes back (still dirty) and told her son to figure out his marriage.

My sister told him that he had two choices. He would be doing his own laundry from now on and they would be going to couples counseling or....divorce. She told him that she was not raising his mother's child. They lasted 6 more months. You only have a BF. My suggestion would be to tell him to do his own laundry at his new place. Unless you like being the maid.

Wing-4003 wrote:

YTA to yourself. Re-read this part you wrote - 'We both work full-time, but I also cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, handle bills, take care of our cat.'

You do ALL the work, he does...what exactly? Oh right, trash talks you to his mom.

Individual-Cloud7656 wrote:

Are you seriously this much of a doormat? He told his mommy you don't do anything around the house then expects you to do his laundry anyway. Now you're asking AITA? Why are you still with him.

berrywarrior wrote:

I don't think I'll ever understand people who supposedly have full grown adults as partners, and their partners treat them like lower than dirt, but everyone ignores that because they treat them like that "sometimes" or "they're usually really sweet."

OK_Stable7501 wrote:

I don’t see an I’m sorry from him or his mom. I’m joking is just a way to avoid responsibility. But ESH because you’re still cooking, cleaning, shopping, and paying the bills for this man child when you should be returning him to his mommy. I always question why people hook up with a partner who is like this. Are you actually attracted to a person that is this lazy and useless?

Crystalskyyye wrote:

You literally been running that whole house and he had the audacity to downplay it to his mom? Nah girl you just matching his energy. Like you didn’t yell or pop off, you just stopped doing his laundry and let him see what “not doing anything” really looks like.

Him and his mom acting like your reaction is the problem when he’s the one that created the mess. Don’t let them guilt you, fr. You handled it better than most would.

Mysticpearll wrote:

You literally do everything and he still went runnin his mouth like you just sit around all day?? The audacity is wild. If he really cared he would’ve corrected his mom on the spot but nah he let you get disrespected then tried to gaslight you like it was a “joke.” Now he mad because you matching energy?? Pls, let him wash his own crusty socks.

Marionberryok2874 wrote:

I can’t believe you were doing his laundry to begin with! Sounds like you guys need a chore list to split the duties evenly…why should you have to do more just because you’re female?? You work as much as he does.

SMH. Hubs and I do our laundry like roommates, I do mine, he does his. The secret to a happy marriage is separate closets and separate bathrooms! I do the shopping and cooking, he does the dishes and cleans the kitchen. Fair is fair.

ritan7471 wrote:

My husband and I have separate finances for various reasons. My husband once got convinced that I don't have any expenses. I'm not sure HOW, but he was convinced (I think by a really shitty friend) that he pays for everything.

He had the audacity to say that to me, so next month...I stopped. I didn't buy groceries, I didn't pay the maintenance on our apartment, which fee is nearly the same as the mortgage, which he pays, I didn't transfer the funds for the renovation, vacation, or side bills that he pays but I contribute to. I kept the money on the side, but he didn't see any of it. Cleaning, bath and OTC meds? Nope, didn't buy them.

After a couple of weeks, he started to feel it and called me in a panic attack work, saying I'd forgotten and that the housing company was sending dunning notices about the maintenance and renovation payments. I told him I didn't forget, it's just that since he pays for everything and I don't have any expenses, I thought he wouldn't be expecting me to pay for anything anymore.

But that I would resume payments just as soon as he remembered that his friend doesn't know s#$t and to stop getting brainwashed into thinking I was a gold digger who doesn't contribute.

You know, he thanks me when he gets my funds now. Because the reality is, we do split them equitably. And I do lend him money when he needs to replace his glasses. I'd give it to him, but he's Mr. Spreadsheet and needs everything to be fair. Sometimes they need to see reality to stop imagining things.