'AITA for refusing to give leftovers to a potluck guest who did not chip in?' 'She ate two huge helpings.'

"AITA for refusing to give leftovers to a potluck guest who did not chip in?"

So we lived for nearly 20 years in a townhouse complex with a lot of neighbours about the same age. A bunch of us got friendly and would gather on someone's patio or roof deck for happy hour once or twice a week. It was understood to be BYOB and so everyone would show up with a drink or a glass of wine and maybe a bottle of wine for their own refills.

Except Betsy - she always came with a glass of water and tossed it back. Then she would grab someone else's bottle of wine and top up their glass whether they needed it or not, then pour a bunch in her glass. We always let it go because we figured she was broke and she never raided the same bottle twice.

Sometimes we would all throw our money together and order food for delivery - usually pizza - and Betsy always managed to eat two large helpings of the shared food.

It took a while for us to clue in, but some of us started noticing that Betsy always forgot her wallet and never really put any money into the pot. We mentioned it to each other, but never really did anything about it as it was kind of awkward.

The straw that broke the camel's back was the time happy hour/dinner was at our place. Betsy kept going into our fridge and pouring herself wine from our bottle. Then we all decided to order really good Thai food for delivery and Betsy as usual didn't contribute, and it was pretty expensive as we may kind of over ordered.

As usual Betsy ate two huge helpings. When it came time for people to head home she packed up the leftover Thai food containers and headed for the door, but I grabbed them from her and split them up into a few bags and gave them to others to take home, and didn't give any to her.

She made a big stink about not getting any of the leftovers but I told her she didn't deserve any since she didn't contribute anything towards the food bill. Some of the neighbours thought it was mean of me not to give her any leftovers, but others who had noticed Betsy never contributing thought I was in the right.

Betsy broke into tears and took off, and stopped coming to happy hours with us. Was I the AH for not letting Betsy take the leftovers?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Caspian4136 said:

NTA. She's been mooching off you guys for long enough. It's about time someone took a stand and put their foot down about it. She wasn't even taking a glass of wine here or there, but the whole thing was her coming empty handed and just helping herself to everyone else's food and drink.

Sharkim said:

NTA. Betsy had been freeloading for years, and it seems like everyone had been enabling her behavior by not addressing it sooner. She didn’t contribute to the food, drank wine she didn’t bring, and then tried to take the leftovers without any regard of fairness.

That’s crossing multiple boundaries. Me writing this makes me realize this could be a skit in a TV show…you didn’t humiliate her; you simply enforced a fair boundary by ensuring the leftovers went to those who actually contributed.

CuriousLope said:

NTA. Stop inviting this person, she is mooching off everyone. If she can forget her wallet, you can forget to invite her.

Couette-Couette said:

NTA. Even the broke students (I know for sure they are broke) always bring a little something to contribute when we do some gatherings (chips, bread, juices) and they would never leave with leftovers...

Used_Mark_7911 said:

NTA. You don’t even need to hint around. I think you can state it in very simply and direct terms to her: “Hey Betsy, you shouldn’t expect to take leftovers a home if you didn’t make any contributions to the meal.”

I think you can also have heart to heart with her about good etiquette when sharing meals and socializing with friends, especially if she never hosts herself. For example, if she plans to drink wine, then she should bring a bottle of wine.

If she thinks she doesn’t drink that much, then she can bring a bottle every second time. Same goes for food. People don’t mind providing food and drink for friends if the favor is returned once in a while but she can’t always be on the receiving end.

Separate-Prune7333 said:

NTA. Betsy took advantage of the group by never contributing, whether it was food or drink. You put in the effort and money, and she always took more than her fair share without contributing.

It wasn't cruel of you to not give her leftovers, but simply doing the right thing after so many times of not receiving the same in return. It's understandable that some people might feel uncomfortable, but you only set boundaries after she crossed them several times.

Jazzlike-Bird-3192 said:

NTA. Sounds like she’s been mooching off all of you for years. It probably would have been better to sit her down and talk to her one-on-one rather than embarrassing her in front of everyone. But in all honesty, she did this to herself. You were just the first to call her on it.