'AITA for refusing to give my son's newborn photos to his father's girlfriend?'
"AITA for refusing to give my sons newborn photos to his fathers girlfriend?"
For some brief backstory, my son’s father began dating a new girl in February-March of last year. In June, we had a conversation about the new relationships we were both in & what our expectations were of the other regarding our son’s exposure to new romantic partners. There is a custody agreement in place that outlines some rules such as when to introduce & no cohabitation allowed.
I essentially said I wanted to be notified of any additional exposure our son had to the girlfriend & her children, such as if she was going to be looking after him for extended periods of time, spending the night, etc. I specified that I was not asking for him to seek my permission, but I wanted to be kept up to date on how involved this person was going to be in our son’s life. Our son is currently 2.5 years old.
The past six months my sons father & the girlfriend have refused to communicate at all about my sons exposure to this relationship. The girlfriend was added to the daycare pickup list without my knowledge, it was then discovered my son & his father were “spending the night” with her & her two small children “on occasion.”
Ultimately, they moved in together and worked to lie about it for about 6 weeks before it was outed during a heated verbal conversation on Thanksgiving Day between myself and the girlfriend. She confronted me about how “aggravating” it was that I “changed the plans” regarding my sons drop of/pick up time.
Keep in mind, up until this point all drop off/pick up times have been mutually agreed on by myself & his father, almost always a day in advance. Since then, they applied for a marriage license to avoid being held in contempt of court for violating our custody order, but did not get married.
They have also either outright refused to communicate with me about my son while he’s in their care or operated on extremely limited communication during their 4.5 day visitation stretch. I make it a point to send photos of our son anytime his father asks, give timely updates about his well being, and FaceTime if my son asks to talk to his dad, which he does on occasion.
Earlier this week, I received a text message from the girlfriend asking if I had the files from my son’s newborn photoshoot saved to my computer, as she had reached out to our photographer (WTF?) and the photographer no longer had the gallery and my sons father doesn’t have a copy either.
I do not want to give this woman these photos. I appreciate that she is trying to make a home for my son, but I also feel she can integrate their lives while acknowledging that there was a part of my child’s life that she was not around. I would also feel wildly different about it if my son’s father was asking for the photos directly, because I feel he’s entitled to them. She is not. AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
canzengirl said:
NTA I would take him back to court for violation of the current order. I would ask the court for both of them to take parenting classes. I would also ask the court for all important decisions (medical, daycare, school etc…) be made by the father and you. You don’t know the girlfriend for she is a stranger and you never know what she can or will do regarding your son.
I would even ask the court that your ex and current gf do not consume alcohol in your sons presence. Put it all out there in court and go from there.
BGS2204 said:
STOP communicating with this woman. She is nothing to you and just a girlfriend to your child. Cut off her ability to pick child up from daycare as well. SHE IS NOT THE MOTHER OR STEPMOTHER, she’s a girlfriend. Call your attorney ASAP and put the skids on all of this.
humanoid6938 said:
Use a communication app with your son's dad and take him back to court. I would ask for full custody! I hope you're keeping the receipts. They clearly don't respect your boundaries and your son's safety is at stake. NTA.
eowynsheiress said:
NTA. Your problems are way bigger than photos. I would consult whatever attorney assisted your divorce and custody arrangement. If your ex is in constant violation of the agreement, I would be seeking modifications to custody and an increase in child support.
And writierthanyou said:
Take him to court and stop dealing with this nonsense. Document every verbal confrontation via text. You may want to start using a communication app exclusively. NTA.