'AITA for refusing to let my dad walk me down the aisle at my wedding?' 'I’ve spent years in therapy.'
"AITA for refusing to let my dad walk me down the aisle at my wedding?"
I (26F) am getting married in a few months to my fiance Alex (29M), and one major issue is causing significant stress: I don’t want my dad to walk me down the aisle. My dad has struggled with alcoholism my entire life. Growing up, he was unreliable and often absent, which led to a childhood of broken promises and instability.
My parents divorced when I was 13, largely because my mom couldn’t handle the situation anymore. After the divorce, I took it upon myself to try to help him get sober, believing that if I tried hard enough, he’d change. But despite my efforts, he never stayed sober for long.
The emotional scars from those years are profound, and I’ve spent years in therapy working through the pain. Part of my healing process has been accepting that he wasn’t the father I needed.
Because of this, I’ve decided that I want my mom to walk me down the aisle. She has been my unwavering support, especially when my dad’s alcoholism caused our family so much turmoil.
My mom made countless sacrifices to provide stability and support, attending every important event and ensuring I had opportunities despite the chaos at home. Her consistent love and dedication have been the foundation of my life, and honoring her in this way feels deeply right and fitting.
However, Alex’s parents are very traditional and religious, and they’ve offered to pay for a significant portion of our wedding. When they learned I didn’t want my dad to walk me down the aisle, they were shocked and didn’t understand my decision.
They believe that tradition dictates a father should walk his daughter down the aisle, regardless of past issues. They also see this as a chance for my dad to show his care and make amends in front of everyone.
They’ve suggested that allowing him this role could "heal old wounds" and bring our families closer together. They think I’m being too unforgiving and missing an opportunity for reconciliation.
Alex has been incredibly supportive and understands why this decision is so important to me. He’s been trying to explain my perspective to his parents, but they are firm in their views.
They’ve made it clear that if my dad doesn’t walk me down the aisle, they will withdraw their financial support. He’s worried about how we’ll manage the wedding expenses without their help.
I feel conflicted. I don’t want to compromise on something that feels so significant to me. The thought of my dad walking me down the aisle feels wrong on so many levels. At the same time, I understand Alex’s concern about the financial implications.
I’ve tried to explain my feelings to his parents, but they seem unable to grasp the depth of my pain, viewing my stance as "stubborn and unforgiving." Am I being too stubborn by refusing to let my dad walk me down the aisle? AITA for prioritizing my feelings over the financial help we need for the wedding?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
bestofsandra said:
NTA. Elope and have a courthouse wedding.
CoverCharacter8179 said:
NTA. Obviously their stance in favor of "tradition" over your emotional needs (not just some arbitrary whim) at your wedding is indefensible. Please realize, you don't "need" a fancy wedding, you *want* it.
Refuse the money. Your principles and integrity are worth more than a fancy wedding. And taking the money will set a precedent that the AH IL's can use their money to bully you.
Dsajames said:
In 20 years, the money will be insignificant. Just do a cheaper wedding. In 20 years, the memory of selling out will haunt you.
FuzzyMom2005 said:
NTA. Their "gift" of money comes with strings. Pay for the wedding you can afford. Do not give in to this bribe. They have no say-so in your relationship with your father, no say-so in your wedding. Weddings are not family therapy sessions. They are way out of bounds here.
lenajlch said:
NTA. Don't get married on his parents dime then. You two will pay for the wedding on your own, without their support. That way they can't hold you hostage. You've worked way too hard through this trauma to throw it all away.
You have to make a strong stance here as a couple. This is just the beginning. If you marry into this family, imagine the implications it could have on your future relationship, and children. They seem controlling.
hesherlobster27 said:
NTA. Walking you down the aisle does not "make amends". That's crazy. And you should be very careful about this marriage going forward if your in-laws are going to be controlling everything with their money.
I would continue as you want it to be and not accept a dime from them. Stand strong with your fiance now so that his parents know they cannot manipulate you. Also your mom has more than earned the honor of walking you down the aisle...very special!