'AITA for refusing to let my friend and her kids stay with me?' 'She got evicted.'
"AITA for refusing to let my friend and her kids stay with me after she got evicted?"
I (28F) have been friends with “Kara” (30F) since college, and we've always had a good relationship. She has two kids, 5M and 3F, and is a single mom. Over the years, we’ve kept in touch, but her life has been pretty chaotic. She struggles financially, which I get, and I’ve helped her out with money here and there, but I’ve never expected anything in return.
A few weeks ago, she called me in a panic because she was being evicted. Apparently, she hadn’t paid rent in months and was out of options. She asked if she and her kids could move in with me “just for a few months” until she got back on her feet.
Here's the thing: I live in a small, one-bedroom apartment, and I work from home. I barely have space for myself, let alone three more people, two of them being toddlers. Plus, Kara has a bit of a track record of not getting her life together, and I worried that "a few months" could turn into a much longer, more permanent situation.
I told her I couldn’t let her and the kids stay with me because of my living situation, but I’d be willing to help her look for other options, like shelters or low-income housing programs.
She got really upset and said I was being selfish and abandoning her in her time of need. She pointed out that I’m single with no kids, and I should be able to help since I don’t have any real responsibilities. She accused me of being a bad friend for not stepping up when she needed me the most.
Now she’s barely talking to me, and I feel awful, but I also feel like I’m being realistic about what I can and can’t offer. So, AITA for refusing to let her and her kids stay with me, even though she’s in a really bad situation?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Trevena_Ice said:
Absolutely NTA. You don't have the space. And you have responsiblities - to keep yourself afloat. A person thinking that you don't have any 'real responsibilities' only because you don't have children, doesn't sound like someone who respects you as a person, but sees you as a free help to keep around.
You offered her options. And after she hasn't paid rent in months (!), she should go down from her high horse and be happy about any help she can get. Sorry that it had end like that, but I think it is better to loose such a 'friendship' then to have to help them all over for not even respect in return.
CuriousTiktaalik said:
NTA. That's a guilt trip, because you're not giving her what she wants. It sounds like you have been a great friend, and she is showing you that she isn't one to you. Toddlers in a one-bedroom with two adults is asking way too much for cooperation to he assumed. I can't believe she would tell you that you have no responsibilities while asking for your help. Very dismissive and disrespectful.
dryadduinath said:
NTA. You don’t have room. It’s that simple. You’ve helped her out financially in the past, not being able to magically make your one bedroom into a three bedroom + office shouldn’t mean you’re now a bad friend.
If you bring three people, two of whom are tiny kids, into your WFH situation where there is nowhere for you to go besides your bedroom (and tbh I doubt you’d get privacy and quiet even there) you’ll both have financial difficulties because your work would suffer. (And I somehow doubt you would only be covering the rent. My guess? You’d also be doing childcare and paying for food.)
rigbysgirl13 said:
NTA. A one-bedroom apartment? This is easy: no way a landlord will allow you to move in three additional people! Case closed.
squigs said:
NTA. Firstly, in this case it's completely unreasonable! There's no way they'll fit. Even if you did have a large place, you're under no obligation to provide housing!
mpurdey12 said:
NTA. I really hate it when people who have children tell people who don't have children that they "don't have any real responsibilities". I think that that's incredibly insulting. Of course you have responsibilities. You have a job, and your own rent and bills to pay.
ExtensionRelative787 said:
NTA. A one bedroom apartment is just not big enough for 2 adults and 2 kids. Your not being a bad friend, you're just looking out for yourself first which is not something that she should hold against you. You offered to help, its not what she wanted, but that's more than enough.