'AITA for refusing to pay child support for my biological child?'
"AITA for refusing to pay child support for my biological child?"
I met the mother my freshman year in college and we hooked up but never dated. She got pregnant and because I didn’t want to quit school and we weren’t serious, I didn’t want her to keep it but she wanted to.
I also didn’t think it was mine because she was hooking up with other guys and to be fair, I was also hooking up with other girls. However, it was determined that I was the father so we went separate ways and I paid her monthly child support for about 8 years.
Then she got married and her husband adopted the kid. I was relieved because that ended my obligations. By that time I was paying about $2,500 a month. Before she got married, we barely communicated and afterwards, we stopped all together.
I didn’t hear anything from her until about a month ago when I received a letter from her attorney stating that I had to resume my child support payments. I don’t know the exact details but apparently she’s going through a divorce and wants me to resume the payments.
I went to my attorney and he assures me that I’m under no legal obligations to pay and advised me not to or else that could restart my legal obligations. He calculated my payments to be about $4,500 based on my current financial standings. I definitely don’t want to pay out that much so I had him draft a letter telling her no.
I told my family about these new developments my mom got all over me about it. She thinks I’m being cruel to an innocent child that I brought into the world and doesn’t care what my attorney advised me. She’s been guilt tripping me and hinted that I won’t be invited to Thanksgiving or Christmas if I don’t step up and be a man.
My dad and brothers are on my side but they don’t want to argue with mom. I love my mom but I don’t want to be on the hook for almost $55,000 a year until the kid turns 18.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Is it correct that you signed away your parental rights so the child could be adopted by the other man?
ExcellentPirate9834 OP responded:
Yes, which is why I’m under no legal obligation to pay now. According to my attorney, if I voluntarily start paying, they could argue that I voluntarily accepted legal responsibilities and sue me if I stop paying.
He could fight and probably win but it’ll cost me tens of thousands of dollars to fight. He said the easiest and cheapest thing to do is not pay at all.
Global-Fact7752 jumped back in:
You are 100 % correct...sorry about their divorce..but HE is the child's father now, and is the one obligated to pay..The AH here is your ex for trying to railroad you.
l3ex_G said:
NTA. The guy adopted him so the mom will get support from him. She can’t double dip.
No-Stop-9151 said:
NTA. Adoption is one of very few legal processes that are completely irreversible. Your ex's soon-to-be ex adopted that kid; he's legally the father and always will be, whether he and/or your ex like it or not. Your parental rights were severed, and on paper, you no longer have any relation nor obligation to the child.
teresajs said:
NTA. The child has a father. The mother can pursue the legal father for support as part of their divorce process. The mother and her lawyer don't get to cherry pick to try to get more money.
Nightwish1976 said:
NTA, just listen to your lawyer.
Cursd818 said:
NTA. The child was adopted. The man who adopted him has to pay child support, divorce or no divorce. He's the kids dad. It's on him. And that is that. Your mother is being ridiculous. If you give in to her emotional blackmail, she'll bully you forever.
Accomplished-Emu-591 said:
NTA, legally and morally, adoptive father will have to pay child support. Tell your mom that. Has she ever even met her grandchild? Please pay attention to your attorney!