'AITA for refusing to return a wedding gift after the bride called me out?'

"AITA for Refusing to Return a Wedding Gift After the Bride Called Me Out?"

Throwaway account because some of the wedding party are active on Reddit. So, my (32F) childhood friend “Emma” (32F) recently got married. I was super excited for her and spent a lot of time picking out the perfect wedding gift.

I got her and her husband a custom-made set of engraved wine glasses and a really nice bottle of wine from a vineyard we visited together a few years ago. Altogether, the gift cost around $250, which I felt was generous but appropriate for our friendship.

The wedding was beautiful, but during the reception, Emma and I had a weird interaction.

She asked me to dance, and while we were on the dance floor, she said something like, "I’ve noticed you haven’t been very supportive during my engagement. You barely helped with the planning, and I felt like you weren’t as enthusiastic about me getting married as some of our other friends."

I was honestly stunned. I had attended her engagement party, bought her a pricey bridal shower gift, and helped her pick out bridesmaid dresses (even though I wasn’t a bridesmaid myself). I calmly told her that I thought I had been supportive and that I was sorry if she felt otherwise. She kind of brushed it off and kept dancing.

Fast forward to the day after the wedding, and I get a text from Emma thanking me for the gift but saying she wished I had just given them cash instead. She explained that they’re saving for a house and don’t have much use for “unnecessary luxuries.” I was kind of annoyed but decided to just let it go.

THEN, about a week later, I got another message. This time, Emma was directly asking me if I could return the wine glasses and the bottle of wine and instead send her $250 in cash.

I told her I didn’t feel comfortable doing that since the gift was personalized and couldn’t really be returned. She got upset and said I was being selfish and that a real friend would want to contribute to her future, not just give a gift for the sake of appearances.

Now Emma has told some mutual friends about the situation, and a few of them are siding with her, saying that I should have asked what she needed instead of buying a gift I thought was “cute.” I feel like I followed normal wedding etiquette, but I’m starting to wonder if I really am being selfish by refusing to give her the cash she asked for. So, Reddit, AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

graound writes:

NTA. Wow, sounds like Emma has a bad case of Main Character syndrome. You weren't part of the wedding party; regular guests at a wedding don't usually help plan it. To then say she would have preferred cash over your very thoughtful gift was really in poor taste. Super ungrateful and entitled move.

Emma has shown her true colors. I wouldn't want to continue the friendship after this and if other friends choose to side with her then maybe you're better off without them as well. Such unnecessary drama.

garoun writes:

NTA. Even if Emma had stated, "We want nothing but cash to put toward a future house" her behavior definitely AH. When someone gives you a gift, you thank them for the thought and effort. If you have a receipt and want to return it yourself, sure (maybe don't tell them).

But I cannot imagine a scenario where you ever ask a gift giver to return the gift. I would have a hard time staying friends with someone like that who clearly only thinks about themselves and not about their friends or the relationship they have with their friends.

agahoupolt writes:

Lisa is NOT your friend. I really need people to take off the red glasses and start recognizing the vibe shift with the people around them. I'm sure Lisa has been funky acting for quite some time but you blew it off or found reasons to excuse it.

Her bad attitude combined with a wedding just allowed her to drop her mask all the way and now boom your friend ain't shit and you're confused as to what happened. NTA, Lisa is tacky and entitled and those co-signing her chicanery are just as tacky and entitled as her. It will serve you well to ditch the lot of them and move on with your life.

gaorund writes:

NTA. Emma is being unreasonable. You seem to have put a good amount of thought into a gift you felt she/they would like, it sounds like you were happy for her and helped a good amount despite not being in the wedding party. Unless you are leaving out some relevant information then I think you are good.

She needs to learn that no one will be as excited for her life events as she will, expecting them to is a recipe for disappointment and resentment. That’s not to say you weren’t happy and excited for her, you really were!

agehatuop writes:

So, I have to ask was there a registry? Or was the gift that you purchased something that you personally picked out for her? Also, had she made it known to all guest prior that cash was more appreciated?

I also understand the need to have no purpose for luxury items and insist on cash, but I feel like that’s something she should have made guest aware of prior.

You refusing to return the gift doesn’t make you an AH. To be fair, after her behavior the day of the wedding I would not have blamed you for asking for it back all together. Personally, I would have agree to return it and once she’s sent it back to me keep my gift for myself. Petty? Yes… but honestly at least I’d give her something factual to hate me for.

And what grown woman uses the phrase “a real friend…” That alone screams red flag. She then tells mutual friends of what? Her side of a story, which more than likely has changed? Because I can’t imagine anyone given the details you have here would thinking “yeah, that’s valid”.

Clearly that childhood friendship has out grown itself. It also sounds like you weren’t that close as adults, because her behavior seems personal.