'AITA for refusing to help my brother by selling a portion of our dad's estate while he's still alive?'

"AITA for refusing to sell a portion of my father's estate and distribute the money to my brother before my father has died?"

My father has dementia, no longer lucid at all, and is living in a 24 hour care facility. His doctors say at this stage his life expectancy can be anywhere from three to five years. He knew this was coming and he set his affairs when he still had a sound mind. He gave me power of attorney and he made me the executor of his estate.

The state laws here and the terms of my dad's power of attorney document gives me the power to sell or transfer anything. Effectively, I'm in complete and total control of his estate. I'm the youngest of four (two older brothers and a sister) and there is a large age gap between me and my three siblings.

I'm 18 years younger than my sister who is the next youngest. Because of the age difference, we were never close. When my dad told all of us about his estate planning decisions, I could tell my siblings were really apprehensive about how much power my dad gave me but I told them everything from that point our dad's estate would effectively be frozen.

I'll find management companies to take care of his properties and the money will go back into the estate for his care. I'm not selling anything, I'm not buying anything, and I'm going to follow our dad's wishes to the letter. When our dad passes, we'll divide up the estate according to his will. Everyone was happy with that.

In my dad's will he left my brother some property. My brother is now asking me to use my power of attorney to sell the property our father left to him and transfer the money to him now. He needs it to keep his business running while he bids for a big contract he says he can win and that will allow him to keep the business running long term.

He says the property will eventually go to him and he's going to sell it so the end result is the same, it's just a timing issue. I refused, and reminded him that I promised everyone I wasn't going to sell anything or make any changes and I'm not making any exceptions.

He gets upset and calls me an asshole for holding up his inheritance and an even bigger a$$hole because I will be screwing over all the people who work for him. But my dad is still alive! He's not dead and I'm just not willing to go through his pockets while he's still breathing. My other brother agrees with me while my sister agrees with my brother. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

diminishingpatience said:

NTA. Your father made a good choice. "He says the property will eventually go to him and he's going to sell it so the end result is the same, it's just a timing issue." No it isn't. The key word here is "eventually."

"I'll find management companies to take care of his properties and the money will go back into the estate for his care." Until he dies, revenue from the properties is needed to fund his care. Your brother would be removing some of that revenue. They're your father's properties and he should benefit from them.

naraic- said:

Your father is alive. There is no inheritance. Dementia care can be expensive. Your fathers assets need to be used to support him while he lives. Distributing the estate early is stealing from your father.

In many jurisdictions a power of attorney has a legal obligation to act in the best interest of the person he is power of attorney of. Removing property from the estate to no benefit would not be in the father's best interest and would therefore be a criminal act. You would be personally liable for the property. NTA.

embopbopbopdoowop said:

NTA. Suggested response: “Dad is alive. I am not ‘holding up’ your inheritance because your inheritance does not yet exist. Do not put me in the uncomfortable position of asking me again.”

Alternative-Pop6452 said:

If you sell property without it being needed to care for your father, you may be under the gun legally. I wouldn’t do it. NTA.

Aggressive_Cattle320 said:

NTA You are wise to follow your father's wishes. Nothing should be given to anyone, including your brother. As long as your dad is alive, his estate and worldly goods belong to him. He may surprise everyone and live longer than expected. His assets need to be managed so that they can be liquidated and used for his care in the event that he needs it.

Your brother is wrong in thinking he's entitled to something "he'll eventually get anyway". Maybe he will, but he may not if your father needs to sell it to cover his living and care costs.

Your dad trusted you enough to leave you in charge, and he seems to have made a very wise choice! Do not let your brother manipulate you into doing something that you know is not legal or ethical. Shame on him for being so self entitled and greedy. It doesn't belong to him.