'AITA for refusing to split costs equally with a friend?' 'She makes a lot more than me.'
"AITA for refusing to split costs equally with a friend who makes a lot more than me?"
I (29F) have been friends with "Carly" (30F) since high school. We’ve always been really close, but money was always kind of a sore spot. She’s been in a high-paying tech job for years, and I’ve always worked more modest jobs in non-profits.
Whenever we’d travel together, eat out, or go to events, we’d always "split" everything 50/50, even though it honestly hurt my budget. I didn’t complain, but it definitely caused some resentment on my side.
This past year, though, things changed. I got a better job (finally making over $90k), plus I had some extra money come in from personal side hustle I'm doing. I’m not rich by any means, but I’m way more comfortable now.
Here’s where I might be the ahole: Carly recently suggested a girls’ trip to Europe. She picked all the hotels (4-star, expensive ones), fancy dinners, private tours, the works. She assumed we’d split everything 50/50, like we always have.
I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that this time. I said if we were going to do a big trip, I’d want to do it my way, cheaper hotels, some street food, fewer paid tours. I could afford the fancy version now...but honestly, it feels wasteful to me, and I don’t want to get trapped in this lifestyle creep.
Carly accused me of "pretending to still be poor" and trying to cheap out. She said that now that I’m doing better, I should act like it. A few of our mutual friends kind of agree with her - they think I should just "live a little" and split things like always.
Here's what people had to say about this one:
Necessary-Couple-535 said:
She doesn't get to spend your money. NTA.
SunshineSeriesB said:
ESH. The lowest budget is the one the trip needs to accommodate. Full stop. Planning should be done together with everyone's budget in mind, ESPECIALLY those with less to spend.
Your finances are none of her business. IF she really wants to travel WITH YOU, you need to provide more input. If she just wants to take the trips she wants, she needs a new travel buddy. But you need to speak UP. Don't get resentful, use your voice and let her know you can't do XYZ.
Far-Albatross-2799 said:
NTA. Just tell your friend you don’t have as much disposable income as her and the proposed trip is outside your budget. But at the same time you can’t expect her to subsidize your vacation. Sounds like the smartest thing is to not go on this trip.
BulbasaurRanch said:
Gonna go with YTA because your attitude, and attitude only. All you had to say was “won’t be able to attend this planned trip, it’s outside my budget." The rest of this, where you think she should’ve been paying for you because she makes more, that’s gross and entitlement. It “caused resentment” that you had to pay your fair share? Ha, ahole mindset.
donutforget168 said:
It's very strange to expect your friend to cover for you when doing activities with you. You're supposed to decline invitations when you can't afford them, not get angry and resentful when someone won't pay for you.
YTA because you're clearly doing this as some sort of weird revenge when you could have asked her to do cheaper arrangements when you actually were financially struggling.
2npac said:
YTA. You're going on all of these trips too, enjoying all these meals and hotels. Why should your friend subsidize your trip because she makes more than you. Why don't you learn to speak up and contribute to the planning of these trips if she's picking only expensive spots?
Particular-Cow6954 said:
YTA, you make decent money. Pay for yourself. Just because she makes more doesn’t mean she is obligated to pay more for you. If you can’t afford it, don’t go.
bahahah2025 said:
NTA. Tell your friend what budget you are comfortable with. If you are not on the same page simply don’t go. It’s not up to someone else to ok your budget regardless of how much you make. You simply state your needs or preferences and identify if you can get on the same page.