'AITA for refusing to allow cousin-in-law & his family to move in when they’re about to be homeless?'
"AITA for refusing to allow cousin-in-law & his family to move in when they’re about to be homeless?"
xoxosayounara
My husband’s cousin Chris and his wife Rachel have 3 kids (13, 5, 3), and we’ve hung out twice since our daughter (7.5) was born. We’re not close. Rachel’s always been rude to me. Before my husband met me, Rachel had a thing for him and tried to date him. He never reciprocated and then when we became official, Rachel started dating Chris.
Chris called asking if they can move in with us as they’re homeless. Chris and Rachel missed rent payments and got evicted and have been couch surfing with their three kids for the past month or so. My husband said he would need to talk to me first.
My immediate response was NO. Husband agreed although he felt bad. Chris’s family had been giving them money to make their rent payments and instead of paying rent, they used the money for other things. Chris works odd construction jobs and doesn’t make much. Rachel claims she can’t work because of ADHD.
Chris called back - husband apologized and said we don’t have the space - Chris tried to say we have 5 bedrooms. My husband clarifies that we don’t - we have 4, one of which is my office. Chris says he’s disappointed and he would’ve helped us.
My husband says I work from home and need the house to be quiet. Chris says he doesn’t understand where we get the impression that their kids can’t be quiet and he’s offended. Rachel says we have the money and a big house to help but that we would rather see three kids end up on the streets because I’M greedy.
I snap and tell her that her kids are not my responsibility and I’m not comfortable sharing my home with strangers. It’s not our problem that they mismanaged their finances and that maybe she shouldn’t have gotten her nails done every week and paid their rent instead.
She responded that I don’t understand how hard they have it because I’m “privileged” and providing for three kids isn’t cheap - so I said maybe she should get a job and stop using ADHD as an excuse, and they should’ve thought of that before having kids and hung up.
Husband’s phone starts blowing up with calls from family members. He picks up Chris’s dad’s (Paul) call. Paul wants to know why we’re unwilling to help. I ask him why he and his wife haven’t opened their home as this is his son and grandkids after all.
He says Chris/Rachel and the kids stayed for a week but their house is too small and it didn’t work out. I told him that we aren’t close to Chris/Rachel and have no obligation to them, and I suggested he and his wife reopen their home to their son and grandkids. He says they did open their home and now it’s our turn. I laughed and hung up.
So now my husband’s family thinks that we’re cruel and heartless. We also haven’t disclosed that I’m pregnant which is also a big reason (they’re anti-vax and I don’t want to be exposed), and I’ll be going on mat leave for a year as of January so we’re trying to save up. So AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
CobraStrike525
I let my brother-in-law move in 9mo ago when he lost his job and became homeless. He still doesn't have a job and I can't figure out how to get him to move out. You will be in the same boat. They aren't going to leave.
The OP responded here:
xoxosayounara
Sorry you’re going through this. This is what I’m afraid of as well. We have around 6 months until our new baby comes and that’s not a lot of time. They can refuse to leave and then we would be stuck with not having enough space and peace/quiet after the birth.
JollyAd5054
Rachel will only start and try it on with hubby and they won't leave.
RB1327
Chris called your husband (his cousin) about this, and your husband declined him. Your husband then got a call from his Uncle and he declined him as well. Why are you and Rachel getting on the call and engaging with each other at all? Why are you jumping on the Uncle's call and arguing with him? All you did was escalate the drama.
Obviously NTA on the decision to not take Chris and his family into your home. But you need to step back and let your husband deal with his family---which he was already doing effectively.
Longjumping-Pick-706
Exactly this. This vile woman settled for the man she wanted’s cousin. Thats disgusting on so many levels. I would not trust her to live in the same house as my spouse that she pined for, and treated me rudely because I am with him. That’s asking for trouble.
upsidedownbackwards
NTA . Unfortunately I have a few friends that are clos to homelessness. But they've already shown that if I try to help them they're not going to take the situation serious enough and it's just delaying the inevitable while burning bridges.
One friend was desperate but I live in the boonies and he doesn't have a car. If I took him in then what? I just have someone in my place that doesn't have any real chance of getting a job.
There's no escape, just a temporary "fix" that moves them even further from any real chance of recovering their life. If they had a real, solid plan that you believed and they just needed a few weeks to bounce back, maybe.
But so, so often in this situation family just ends up taking advantage and when they get kicked out, the rest of the family sides with them even if you gave them months of free rent/food. No matter what you'll be the bad guy, may as well be the bad guy with the quiet, clean house.
The OP again responded here:
xoxosayounara
If we were extremely close to them I would consider helping in some way. But we’re not close… I mean they got married last year and didn’t even invite us. I’m not holding it against them but just showing that they don’t consider us family at all (and neither do we).
With them now having been evicted from a rent controlled apartment with little to no income, they’ll never qualify for another rental. The rental market where we are is insane and extremely competitive.
There is no plan in place and frankly I don’t think there ever will be, which means this is open-ended and makes me extremely uncomfortable. I feel bad for the kids but I do need to think about our own family.
Master_Grape5931
Can’t work because of ADHD? I’m sure she is diagnosed and medicated then right…right? Zero chance I would invite them in when they can’t even bother to work or pay the bills with money others are giving them.