'AITA for refusing to next to my sister and her husband on a plane?' 'I just wanted to be comfortable.'
"AITAH for refusing to sit next to my sister (26F) and her husband (27M) on the plane?"
I (23F) will be attending my brother’s wedding this fall, along with the rest of my family. It’s a destination wedding, about a 4 hour plane flight from my city. My sister “Laura” (26F) and her husband “Paul” (27M) are also attending the wedding.
My city is in-between their city and the wedding location, so they decided that they would come visit me for a few days before the wedding, and then we would all fly to the wedding together.
We were on the phone last weekend making travel plans, and Laura told me that she would book our flights together on the same reservation, and I could just Venmo her the cost of my ticket. I told her that wasn’t necessary and I could just book my own ticket, but she insisted that I allow her to do it, so that her, Paul, and I could all sit together. She then laughed and said “Hope you don’t mind the middle seat!”
I also laughed, and asked her why I would be sitting in the middle - wouldn’t her and Paul want to sit next to each other? Laura brushed my question off, and said “Well, we both prefer the aisle and window seats. I’ll guess we’ll just have to fight it out when we get there!” She said that she would text me before she bought the seats, and then we hung up.
Here’s the thing: I suspect that the real reason Laura and Paul want to sit on opposite sides of the row, with me in the middle seat, is because of their sizes. Laura has told me in the past that she doesn’t like to sit next to Paul on planes, because they can’t both fit comfortably in their seats.
She says that they usually pick separate rows, and hope that their seatmates are smaller than they are. I don’t know their exact weights, but they are both larger people. Laura is 5’11 and about 275 lbs, while Paul is 5’10 and probably pushing 300 lbs. I’m not tiny, but at 5’10 and about 160 lbs, I am much smaller than they are.
I knew that sitting in a middle seat between them for 4+ hours would be a very squished and uncomfortable experience for me, and I didn’t want my space to be encroached on. So here’s where I’m probably TAH: After we hung up, I went on the airline website myself and booked my own seat - an aisle seat, close to the front.
I also purposely chose a row that already had its’ window seat booked, so that Laura and Paul couldn’t buy the tickets next to me and pressure me into swapping later on.
I texted Laura that I’d decided to buy my own seat, since I wanted an aisle, and sent her the confirmation. She was quite upset. She called me and told me that I was being “selfish” and that we could’ve all spent quality time together on the plane, if only I didn’t “care so much about an aisle seat.”
She then backtracked and said that they would’ve given me the aisle in their row anyways (which I doubt, and even if they had, they still would’ve encroached on my space). I told her that I just wanted to be comfortable, and she yelled “Well, so did we!” and then hung up.
Our mom has since texted me and told me that Laura said that I “didn’t want to sit next to her on the plane because she’s fat.” For the record, I never said anything about that to Laura, but I’m not surprised that she’s inferred it.
My mom says that I should’ve just sucked it up and sat in the middle, for my sister’s sake, since I already know that flying is uncomfortable for her and Paul. I really feel like an AH, but I also really don’t want to have to sit with Laura and Paul. So, AITA here?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
CompletelyFlaccid said:
NTA. If she wanted to be comfortable and have extra space she could buy the middle seat as well and enjoy the extra space. Being squished between two bigger people on a flight is honestly my worst nightmare. She wants you to pay for that experience too? I think you handled it in the best way you could.
DawnShakhar said:
NTA. Their size is their problem - they have no right to make it yours. If they want to be comfortable, they can pay for three seats, and leave the middle one empty (it's a common and accepted practice for obese people).
Squashing you between them so that they would be comfortable was selfish; blaming you because you didn't fall for their manipulations ("quality time" "we'll have to fight it out" - really!) is childish.
What you did was perfectly sensible, and if they don't like it that's their problem. As for your mother - ignore her. She is interfering after hearing one side, and doesn't deserve consideration here.
wlfwrtr said:
NTA There is no reason you should have to be uncomfortable so they can be comfortable. They know you'd be too polite to say anything to either of them about encroaching on your seat and that's why they wanted you in the middle.
Tell Laura that you don't appreciate her lying to your mom about what was said. If she has a problem with her weight then it's up to her to fix it.
Remind her what she told you before about them sitting together on planes so you know she also lied about giving you the aisle. Tell her you don't see any quality time happening with someone who has taken to lying to make herself look better.
elainegeorge said:
NTA. I hate having someone book my ticket. I don’t want to be handcuffed to them in the airport to get my ticket. If they aren’t comfortable flying, why would they think you’d be comfortable in the middle seat? They don’t mind making strangers uncomfortable but they are okay doing so to you? Gross.
Sea_Firefighter_4598 said:
NTA. Your sister's attempt at manipulation failed. Ask your mom why their comfort is more important than yours?
DevilsGrip said:
NTA, she was being deceptive about why she wanted you there. If they want to be comfortable, they should just get all 3 seats for themselves. Dont buy into their emotional blackmail, it is not your job to make them comfortable.
Careless-Ability-748 said:
Nta you can sit where you want. Personally I would have wanted to sit away from them anyway, so I could have time to myself if I was already going to spend time with them and other family at the wedding.