'AITA for Refusing to Financially Support My In-Laws After They Spent My Husband's Savings?'
"AITA for Refusing to Financially Support My In-Laws After They Spent My Husband's Savings?"
Pinkyblossompetals
My husband (35M) and I (34F) have been married for five years. He’s always been extremely close to his family, who’ve had financial issues for as long as I’ve known them.
My husband had a savings account he'd built since his teens a “rainy day” fund we planned to use as a down payment for a home. Over the years, he’s repeatedly bailed his family out financially. While it made me uncomfortable, I bit my tongue because it was his money and I didn’t want to come between him and his family.
Recently, I found out that his family drained his account without his permission. Not only did they take almost all of it, but they spent it on things like vacations, new electronics, and other luxuries.
They didn't tell him until after the fact, claiming they "assumed he'd be okay with it." To make matters worse, after all of this, they asked us for even more money to cover some “unexpected expenses.”
I told my husband we cannot keep enabling this behavior, especially after they showed such blatant disrespect. I don’t want our financial future ruined over his family’s poor decisions.
He, however, feels guilty and says that if we don’t help them, they’ll be left struggling. He accused me of trying to cut him off from his family and says I’m being cold-hearted and “putting money over people.”
Meanwhile, I feel betrayed that he can’t see how wrong it was for them to secretly spend his savings. I told him this isn’t just about the money but about setting boundaries to protect us. He’s torn, saying he’s always had to be there for them, and he doesn’t want to “abandon” his family.
Things between us are tense. I feel like if we give in now, this will be a never-ending cycle, and we’ll never be able to move forward with our own goals. He says he won’t feel right leaving his family to struggle.
I feel horrible for being so firm, but I also don’t think it’s fair to constantly risk our future. Part of me wonders if I’m being too rigid, but I can’t shake the feeling that if we don’t set a boundary now, we never will. So, AITA for refusing to support his family financially after they wiped out his life savings without his consent?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
wylderpixie
NTA and you are way under reacting in my opinion. They committed theft. If they managed multiple trips and electronics from the theft, it's a serious felony. I know you love him but this is a husband problem, not an in law problem. Why did they even have access to his account? I would be filing a police report and I'd be leaving him if he didn't. They stole your ability to get a house!
Pinkyblossompetals (OP)
I hadn’t fully processed it as theft before, it’s a huge breach of trust and more serious than I initially reacted to. The fact that they accessed his account without permission to fund luxuries, knowing it was intended for our future, feels like a betrayal on multiple levels.
I need to have a firm conversation with my husband about accountability and boundaries here, and involving the authorities might be necessary if they refuse to repay him. It’s painful to think of taking such measures, but protecting our future and setting clear boundaries is essential.
Beautiful-Contest-48
NTA but if you think it’s going to change you’re not being honest with yourself. You will always be paying for their entitlement to your husbands money.
Pinkyblossompetals (OP)
It’s tough to accept, but you’re probably right if this is already such an ingrained pattern, expecting things to change might be wishful thinking. I’m starting to realize that unless my husband is fully on board with setting boundaries, this cycle of entitlement will likely continue. It’s a hard truth to face, but I know I need to be realistic about what this means for our future.
LimitlessMegan
Honestly. In your shoes, I’d sit your husband down and explain that they STOLE x amount of money from the two of you and not because they need it to survive but just because they wanted it.
Then you need to ask him to explain how they had access to that money. And maybe also ask why he didn’t question where they got the money for this stuff if he’s always “helping” them.
Then you need to tell him that if anyone else had stolen enough money to be a down payment on a house to go on luxury vacations and buy electronics you would be charging them with theft. And if his family took this much money (or really, much less) from anyone else, they’d be in jail right now.
Luisguirot
NTA. Personally I couldn’t stay married to someone who is ok with letting themselves get robbed and not doing anything about that. If he bends over now, he will bend over every time in the future that his family want to rob you, too.
Pinkyblossompetals (OP)
It’s hard to watch him not take a stronger stance on this, and you’re right it makes me worry about a pattern that could jeopardize our future. I need him to understand that standing up to this now is crucial for our financial security as a couple. If he’s unwilling to set boundaries, it’s a big red flag for me, and I’ll have to seriously consider what that means for our marriage.
WomanInQuestion
NTA - when he married you, you became his primary family. You have to ask yourself are you okay with living with someone who always puts leeches before you because of guilt?
Pinkyblossompetals (OP)
A marriage should mean prioritizing each other and building a life together, not letting outside guilt drive decisions that harm our future. It’s painful to think he might always feel obligated to put his family’s needs above ours, and I’m realizing just how much that could impact my happiness and security long-term.
I need to seriously consider if I’m okay with this pattern continuing, and if not, I’ll have to make some tough decisions.