'AITA for storming out of a movie after my sister’s BF shushed me?' UPDATED 3X

"AITA for refusing to finish watching a movie after my sister’s BF shushed me?"

My sister’s boyfriend “Derek” has been staying at our house since March. It has honestly been one of the worst things about never being able to leave the house. I didn’t even meet him before my parents allowed him to stay with us (they met him when they visited her at college). He’s really grating, always thinks he’s the smartest person in the room, and is honestly just annoying af.

He is not polite, never offers to do any chores or dishes or anything. Just a complete loser. I don’t get what my sister sees in him. Usually when I would watch something with my mom and dad, we would all kind of make comments about what was happening or whatever. But early on during his stay “Derek” said this was “too distracting” and he needed fo “focus”.

I vented a little to my mom about Derek (including his need for dead silence when watching tv) and she said that she understood that it was frustrating but that we needed to make him comfortable as a guest.

I was good at this until last night. We were watching Molly’s Game and I was enjoying it. Maybe an hour in, during a transition from one scene to another, I asked my dad to pause it so I could go to the bathroom. And immediately after, Derek looks at me, puts his finger over his mouth and literally loudly shushes me like i’m a two year old.

For just asking to pause the movie! I got beyond pissed off and was like “Screw this, i’m not watching the movie with him. I just can’t do it.” Maybe it wasn’t exactly that ( i don’t remember because i was so angry) but it was something like that. I didn’t personally insult him though.

My mom calls after me but I just go to the bathroom and then my room. My sister texted me that I was behaving like a “b!tch” and I texted her back that her boyfriend was a “tool.”

My mom came into my room later and said that she understood why I felt the way I felt but that I need to apologize to Derek. I said I wouldn’t because I don’t think i did anything wrong. Anyway, now i’m in bed and dreading facing them so I probably won’t leave my room all day but I need to know if AITA here??

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

lifetimemoviewatcher said:

NTA. So let me get this straight he gets free room and board, doesn’t lift a finger to help, is a know it all arrogant type, and tells you to shut up in your home and your supposed to do what he wants and apologize when he’s an a$$hole to you?

OP responded:

Exactly! And i really don’t understand why my mom is taking his side when I know for a fact that she finds him just as annoying as I do.

thetattoodguy said:

NTA. Don't apologize. And if he says anything to you, put your finger to your lips and loudly sush him. Okay but don't really. Just ignore him.

tarharmonia said:

Your mom needs to stay out of this. This is very clearly between you and Derek. Derek sounds like an obnoxious tool. Who shushes adults!? NTA!

c-s-n-l said:

NTA - Please don't hide in your room, you need to strut around the house and completely own what you said. Derek is a complete and utter tool, don't let him back you down in your own house.

And dread_pirate_t said:

NTA - Derek is rude, one of you (probably your sister) needs to sit him down and calmly and collectedly explain how adults behave, with particular emphasis on the role of a guest in another person's home.

She later shared this update:

I didn’t apologize and things got worse. A couple of hours ago, I went to get breakfast and saw Derek in the hallway. I kind of glared at him and he went back into my sister’s room. My sister then came out and started yelling at me about how i’m making him uncomfortable. I basically told her everything i said here about him being lazy and rude.

My mom and dad heard us yelling and came down and my sister “threatened” that she and him would leave to go to his mom’s house, which is a long drive away. I told her to leave and my mom started crying. My dad told us both to shut up and now i’m in my room. Great morning so far. I hope she leaves.

Second update:

Thanks for all the comments. I appreciate the majority of people saying i’m nta. My sister told my mom who told me ( i know, very mature) that if i don’t apologize, they’ll leave this weekend.

My mom practically begged me to apologize and my dad told me if i didn’t apologize, I would be in “big trouble” but i’m not threatened by that at all because wtf is he going to do? Ground me? Lol. I’m NEVER going to apologize. I’m so mad at my parents for falling for my sister’s obvious manipulative BS. If she wants to leave, she should just do it instead of just threatening to do it.

Third update:

I don’t know if anyone will read this but my sister and “Derek” left early this morning. Derek and I didn’t talk directly since the night everything started. My sister was like “are you really not going to apologize” and i said that i had nothing to be sorry for and that obviously it was her choice whether to leave or stay.

She said that Derek didn’t want to “walk on eggshells” around me and I said that that was what I was doing for two months so I didn’t have much sympathy. She was pissed at that. My mom and dad both tried to guilt me into apologizing. My mom even said that if my sister got sick after leaving, it would be my fault but again, my sister is CHOOSING to leave so it cant be my fault.

My dad was like “just do it for your mom” and I was like “no. If derek wants to talk about it, i’m fine with that but i’m not going to apologize.” So they left. Honestly, i’m surprised that my sister actually followed through because usually she’s all talk but i’m happy with it.

My mom was crying all day and she’s not talking to me. I feel bad for her but i really just couldnt do it anymore. Not really a happy ending but whatever.