'AITA for refusing to give my late husband's (possible) affair baby any money?'
"AITA for refusing to give my late husband's (possible) affair baby any money?"
My husband passed away almost three years ago leaving me a solo mom of an 8 year-old. I've learned a lot about who he really was since then. Let's just say that if he were alive, we wouldn't still be married.
About six weeks ago, a process server showed up trying to serve him with a court order to submit DNA for a kid. I gave him a copy of the death certificate and sent him on his way.
Shortly after that, a woman shows up on my doorstep saying that the kid she had with her was my late husband's child. Is it? I don't know and I don't care. It kind of looks like him, but also looks young enough that they would have had to have been conceived very, very shortly before his death.
I told her that he was gone and where she could find his grave. She almost immediately started demanding "her half" of his estate. I laughed and told her that half of nothing was nothing and she was welcome to that.
Where I've been informed that I might be TA is that while it's true there was no estate, there were assets that passed outside of probate. One of those assets was a rental property that his parents gave us years ago, deeded with him and I as joint tenant with rights of survivorship.
In short, it became mine when he died. I've already sold it and that will be the money that sends my kid to college. Legally, I'm good (already talked to my attorney about this). While I feel bad for this child, I also have a child of my own to look out for.
OP answered some commone questions:
1. No, there was no will in place for him. In my state, intestate inheritance laws say that if the only heirs are me and my child then the first $50k of the estate go to me and my child gets half of what's left. If this does turn out to be his child then half of the estate would go to me and half to the children (i.e. my child would get 25% and the other child would get 25%).
However, that is a moot point because his estate was literally an empty bank account and $40 in cash. Everything else passed outside of probate. A good estate attorney is worth every penny even if I never could get him to meet with her to do his damn will.
2. There was no life insurance.
3. Yes, I'm in the US and my child is receiving survivor's benefits. They aren't huge, but they do pay for the therapy bills. He hadn't worked for a vast majority of our marriage, but luckily did have enough credits to qualify.
At this point, I'm not opposed to helping the other child receive the same benefits since it won't affect mine, however my attorney has recommended to hold off at this time because we don't know what she's planning.
She assures me that if the other mother files with social security that they will backdate any payments to at least the date filed, so holding off won't affect the total amount if it does turn out to be his child.
4. I have no idea if she knew he was married at the time or not.
5. My husband's parents are alive, but our relationship is strained, at best. I haven't told them about any of this and have done my best to let them keep believing that their son was a saint.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ObeseVegetable
And for what it’s worth, that’s not a terribly uncommon scam for some reason. If you still have the papers I’d look into if they were even legitimate.
One-Teaching3577 OP responded:
They were. That's the first thing my attorney looked into. The working theory is that she really didn't know when she filed. Why she waited so long is anyone's guess.
SemiOldCRPGs
She probably thought the dad was someone else and it took that long to get his DNA. Or she had a list to go through.
New_Standard_8609
NTA - I would have said “He died with a ton of debt. Let me get your info so I can transfer half of it to you.” She would be out of there so fast!
churchofdan
NTA The gall of this woman to show up at your door. "I banged your husband and had his baby and now you must give me money." Too bad for the kid, but she's reaping what she sowed. Do NOT lose sleep over this.
JuliaX1984
NTA There was no estate. Even a known kid of his would have had no right to the money from the sale of your house.
Funny247365
NTA. It's between your late hubby and his baby momma. You received sole possession of all assets upon his death, and you owe nothing to the baby momma. She should have informed him she was pregnant with his child while he was alive, if she knew. Why did she wait 3 years to come forward?
compassrunner
NTA. There is no DNA test to prove this child is his and he is gone. I don't think are required to acknowledge this child, especially since the estate is settled.
Low-Disaster-7175
NTA. You didn’t even know of her existence and you have your own child. And you don’t even know if it’s actually his or not. Definitely NTA.
Apprehensive-Care20z
NTA. Don't even give a second of thought about this again. Just tell yourself "It was just a scam". And never talk to that person again, get a restraining order if it comes to it. Having said that, if you ever are served with papers (i.e. an actual lawsuit has been filed) then lawyer up immediately and vigorously defend yourself.
One-Teaching3577 OP responded:
Luckily, I have a fantastic attorney. She's an estate attorney now, but worked in family law for years.
Trick-Measurement-20
NTA. You need to focus on your child and your finances. The property legally belongs to you, and there's no proof your late husband was the father of the other child. Your priority is your own child's future.
mi_nombre_es_ricardo
NTA unless she has a way to prove paternity, you have ZERO obligations to her or her affair baby. Even if he is, the rental property was in your name, so it was not your husband’s to give away. Remember she chose to wreck your house. I would not open the door for her.
Glinda-The-Witch
NTA. That money belongs to you to do with as you wish. While your plan might be to use that money to send your child to school, in the event of some financial crisis you might need that money to stay afloat and put a roof over your head.
While the child has no fault in any of this, he or she is not your responsibility. His mother took risks, had an affair with a married man and now she’s suffering the consequences. It will be her responsibility to be a single parent and provide her child.