'AITA for refusing to give my pregnant sister the baby name I picked out years ago?' 'This has caused HUGE FIGHT.'

"AITA for refusing to give my pregnant sister the baby name I picked out years ago?"

Okay, so this has caused a huge fight in my family and I need outside opinions. I (29F) have known for years that I want to name my future daughter Lena (short for Helena). It was my grandmother's name, who basically raised me while my mom worked 2 jobs and a side hustle.

She passed when I was 17 and I’ve always known I wanted to honor her if I ever had a daughter. I even have a little locket with her name engraved on it that I keep for that reason.

My older sister (34F who we'll call Jen) is currently 6 months pregnant with her first child. Jen just found out it’s a girl, and at diner last weekend she announced that she’s naming the baby… Lena. I was kind of stunned and just said, “Wait! my Lena?” She looked confused and said, “Well, Grandma Lena, yeah. We all loved her.”

I reminded her that I always said I would use that name and that it’s been “my baby name” forever. She basically said I don't own it, and that since she’s actually having a baby first, she’s using it. I told her she could at least talked to me before announcing it, and that I felt she did it on propose to hurt me.

She rolled her eyes and said I’m being overly emotional and territorial about a name. My mom is backing her up, saying it’s just a name and that I should be happy our grandmother is being honored. My boyfriend thinks it’s messed up but says I should just let it go to keep the peace.

But I feel like my sister knew what that name meant to me and choose to take it first. I’m not even sure I want to talk to her right now. AITA for being upset and not wanting her to have the name? Lay it on me, do I just move on and honor my granny another way?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

addyjay613 said:

Soft YTA. You don't own the name and it was her grandmother too. The reason I say soft is because you can never truly know if they did it out of spite or sibling rivalry. However, if you have a kid you can name them Lena, and if your sister gets pissy well she “doesn't own it.”

marla-M said:

YTA. Let’s all say it together. “You can’t own a name”. Anyone can use whatever name they choose even if you already named your existing child that, you certainly don’t get to call dibs on a name you may never use.

Mysterious_Peas said:

Yes, dear one, YTA here. No one owns a name. Many cousins share names when they are named for loved ones. If you ever have a daughter, name her Lena. Don’t make this a thing that causes drama and unhappiness- you and your sister both loved your grandmother and want to honor her.

Bitter-Paramedic-531 said:

YTA. She was your sisters grandma too. She has as much right to that name as you do and doesn't have to talk to you about it. What if you never have a baby? What if you never have a girl? Would you rather your grandma was not honored at all?

5_star_spicy said:

This might be one where there is 100% agreement. There's no name reservations. If you ever have a daughter, name her Lena - but you don't get to dictate what your sister names her child. YTA.

DELILAHBELLE2605 said:

YTA. A huge AH. You don’t own a name. You may never have a daughter. And if you do… use it as a middle name if you want. Use her middle name as a first name. Also, does the father of the child you don’t have yet get a say in his kid’s name? What if he hates it?

Later, OP edited the post to include more information:

Thank you to everyone who commented. I do appreciate the honest and blunt feedback. I wanted to add (said in a few comments) that we are trying to get pregnant, we are doing some fertility treatments which is why I'm hormonal a lot.

Partner and I have decided that, IF (as everyone said) we do have a daughter, we will name her a variation of granny's name, a long version and slightly different spelling, so that we can still have our name we wanted and not have this fight in the family.

I accept that it's a stupid fight and I was the AH here, I can't call dibs, but anyway, I just was hoping my sister was done being petty to me, now that she's a grown adult. I also decided I'm gonna get a small tattoo in honor of my granny, and one of my close cousins is also getting one to honor our granny! I'm learning to share the honor for granny, thanks to all you people of reddit who called me out.

I'm gonna have a talk with my sister and tell her I'm sorry for how I reacted and take her out for a tea, and try to put all this hurt and pain behind us...thanks again everyone!