'AITA for refusing to give my sister more money for her lavish lifestyle despite family pressure?'
"AITA for refusing to give my sister more money for her lavish lifestyle despite family pressure?"
Intrepid_Fold_2325
Hey everyone, I (34F) need some perspective because my family is making me feel like the world's worst person right now. So, for context, I’ve spent the last 10+ years building my own online business from scratch. It wasn’t easy – there were years of no sleep, constant stress, and scraping by while I poured everything into this.
Fast forward to now, and I’m doing well financially. Like, really well. But I worked HARD for this.
Nothing came easy, and I gave up a lot to get to where I am now.
Then there’s my younger sister, “Amy” (29F). Amy has... well, a bit of a spending problem. She’s always loved the finer things in life – designer bags, fancy vacations, expensive dinners. But unlike me, she doesn’t really work for it. She just kinda floats between jobs or relies on credit cards to fund her lifestyle.
Over the past few years, Amy’s come to me for money multiple times. At first, it was small stuff – like needing help with rent or her credit card bills. And, being her sister, I helped.
I felt bad for her and thought maybe she’d get things under control. But... she didn’t. If anything, her spending habits just got worse. Every time I’d give her money, she’d go out and buy some luxury item or take a random trip to somewhere extravagant.
A few weeks ago, she asked me for help again. This time, she wanted a lot of money to cover her debt. I’m talking thousands. And I just... couldn’t. I told her no, that I wasn’t going to keep bailing her out unless she seriously changed her spending habits. I even suggested she start budgeting and maybe cut back on all the unnecessary stuff.
Well, she didn’t take that well. Amy accused me of being selfish and greedy. She said that because I’m doing well financially, it’s “cruel” not to help her out when she’s struggling.
She even threw in that it’s “easy for me” because I don’t have the same pressures as she does (???). But here’s the kicker – my family’s on her side. My parents, who are aware of Amy’s spending, are still saying I should help her because “family helps family.”
They’ve been calling me cold and heartless for not giving her what she needs, saying that I’m just letting her drown while I’m sitting comfortably. And my cousins are backing them up, saying it’s not a big deal for me since I’m financially well-off now. But like... I worked my ass off to get here.
I didn’t just wake up one day with money. I sacrificed my social life, didn’t travel for years, lived in a crappy apartment – all so I could build something for myself. And I feel like they’re completely ignoring that part. They just see me as someone with money now, so they think it’s my obligation to help her out.
Honestly, I’m torn. I don’t want to be the sister who lets her family down, but I also feel like enabling Amy is doing her no favors. She’s never going to learn to manage her finances if I keep rescuing her.
Plus, I kinda feel like it’s unfair for them to expect me to hand over my hard-earned money because she can’t control her spending. So... AITA for saying no? Should I just suck it up and help her out again, or am I right to put my foot down this time?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
PrinceVar
Do not help. NTA.
phyrsis
NTA.
"Family helps family" is always a massive red flag.
She's just going to blow the money, because that’s what she’s always done before, and she has no reason not to do it again. It’s not like she’s promising she’s going to change or anything. She just wants your money to enable her to live her chosen lifestyle.
TarzanKitty
NTA.
The people who think you are an AH are free to give your sister their money.
Fabulous_Ask_4069
NTA. Your family is enabling your sisters out-of-control spending habits. She's never going to grasp the concept that 'money doesn't grow on trees' until she's cut off. If anyone is responsible for her financial problems beside herself, clearly it's your parents. So if they want to defend her behavior, then they should be the one funding her habits, not you.
Salt-Effect1906
You give in now, she will keep on leeching off you. You help people in genuine need. Do not fund her.
Sugar_Mama76
NTA. Ask them when family helped you? Tell them how you want to go to Milan to pick out designer clothes, so by their reasoning, they should pay for it. Cause family, right? I get it, they won’t see the parallel. But you do and it’s your money.
But you can tell them that you’ll help by paying for an accountant to sit down with your sister and create a budget that will allow her to live within her means. But until you see her selling her designer bags and shoes (without replacing them!), you won’t be funding her lifestyle anymore.
DGhostAunt
NTA. Don’t if you don’t want to F her and your parents. You worked hard and they should be proud and not gaslighting you with that family helps crap. If you do help at all tell her you will pay directly via check to the credit card company yourself. No cash will go to her. If she says no that is on her and you can tell your parents you offered.
Free-Place-3930
NTA. All this helping has made her worse. And you aren’t the family bank. Sounds like you need to go LC with the lot of them. Every time someone says you need to give her money. Let them know you’ll match whatever VERIFIABLE money they give them first. See how quickly that shuts em up.