'AITA for refusing to have my photo taken with my BF's family and making his mom cry?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to have my photo taken with my BF's family and making his mom cry?"

Okay back story - my partner and I are currently traveling his home country. We've been together over a year, and he has travelled a lot and loves it. This is my first long trip, and my first international travel, I am definitely a homebody so I am not enjoying quite as easily but still like seeing the vastly different country.

Context:

I have explained multiple times to my bf on this trip that while I appreciate and like meeting his friends and family, the language barrier does make it a little boring for me after a while as I cannot contribute to the conversation and after the first few polite sentences I am essentially ignored and I get socially drained and tired very easily (if I were at home I'd politely excuse myself and walk home but this is not possible here).

Story:

So we are out for dinner with his family, and first time for me meeting his brothers recent fiancé. His brother speaks english and we make polite chitchat for 10mins or so. The dinner was planned for a time well past my usual dinner time, in fact I'm an early bird so past my bedtime even. I have already been quite tired all day and tried to recharge my energy by reading by myself most the day.

After the initial chitchat in english, they continue on in their language with my partner once and a while translating the sentence but only if I ask what they're talking about, otherwise I sit there in silence and no one tries to engage me in conversation or even acknowledges me. I know this is not done to be rude, and I accept that, but it does get a bit boring and hard to distract myself from how increasingly tired I feel.

The dinner comes to a close after nearly 2 hours and I can barely keep my eyes open and have nearly fallen asleep. Then they get up to take a photo and I politely decline mostly because I am tired but also because I have put on weight the past year and am extremely self conscious about it (I've taken no full body shots this whole trip because I do not want photo evidence of my body during this time).

My boyfriend and his mother try to convince me to get up and I ask to please have the photo taken without me (I've never been interested in having my photo taken anyway). They take the photo and then my boyfriend says "thanks my mum is crying now because of you". It's super awkward and everyone guides her out of the restaurant giving her hugs etc.

I'm barely conscious at this point and stumble to the car and have a nap on the way home. Immediately go to bed and have just woken up so haven't had a chance to speak to anyone. I understand a photo is not a huge deal and I could have done it to make them happy, but I've also never been someone to do something just "to be polite" I've always done what I wanted and I did not want my photo taken.

AITA for my boyfriend's mother crying cos I didn't want a photo taken with the family?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Minute_Point_949 said:

YTA. I get it, you are tired, irritated, self conscious, but refusing to take a group photo at a family event that you and your bf traveled a long way to attend is just petty. "I've also never been someone to do something just "to be polite" I've always done what I wanted" is pretty much a mantra every AH knows. It doesn't hurt to be polite sometimes.

Important_Dark3502 said

Why on earth is the mother crying about it tho? And everyone comforting her like it’s a huge deal? That response is over the top dramatic and unnecessary. Maybe OP should’ve just done it to be polite but good golly a grown ass woman throwing a tantrum over someone not wanting their photo taken just isn’t something I can empathize with.

JeSuis_Courgetti said:

Sorry, but I believe YTA. Yes there is a bit of an overreaction from your boyfriend’s mum and subsequently him but, your attitude throughout this post stinks. Mothers get emotional when their son’s partner come to dinner from overseas only to look bored from entrée to dessert (you almost fell asleep?) I for sure would believe that you’re uninterested/don’t like us, after that.

“I’ve always done what I wanted” and people will react the exact way they want, too.

[deleted] said:

I am going with ESH. Your boyfriend's reaction, and his mother's reaction, were both pretty disproportionate. However, being in a group photo really isn't a big ask. You don't have to do it, but other people are perfectly valid in thinking you are rude for saying no. Especially because the real reason you said no was your own vanity. Sometimes, it's okay not to get exactly what you want in life.

[deleted] said:

NTA- people have a right to say no to pictures. Her crying because you won't take a photo is a huuuuuge overreaction on his mother's part

But I will say, I think you need to put in more effort into trying with you boyfriends family. I understanding the language barrier makes it more difficult engage but talk to your bf about things he thinks you can do to connect. I feel like you're making a really bad impression by not putting in the work to get to know his family. There's other ways to connect with people outside of language

She later shared this update:

I have spoken with my bf and his mother and apologized to both. The reason she cried was because she thought she had upset me, not because she was manipulative - she is extremely lovely and expressed sadness that I didn't feel part of the family. My boyfriend and I had a lengthy discussion and I find it funny the judgements on our relationship, we are a lot stronger than some of you think.

But I agree, I was the AH in this circumstance and a lot of your comments changed my perspective and really helped the reality check. Thank you for all the kind words and understanding ❤️