'AITA for refusing to let my sister's kids come to my child-free wedding?' 'She threatened not to come at all.'
"AITA for refusing to let my sister's kids come to my child-free wedding after she called me "selfish?"
So, here's the situation. I'm getting married in three months, and my partner and I have decided to have a child-free wedding. This wasn’t an easy decision, but we both agreed that we wanted a more relaxed, adult-focused atmosphere. We’ve made this clear on the invites from the very beginning.
The problem? My sister has three kids under the age of 10, and she’s furious that they aren’t invited. She called me after receiving the invite and basically went off on me, calling me selfish for not making an exception for her kids. She said things like, “You know how hard it is to find childcare for three kids” and “It’s your family, you should make this work for everyone.”
I get it—it’s not easy to find childcare, but it’s not like this is a surprise. She’s had months of notice, and other guests with kids have found ways to make it work. Plus, I want my wedding day to be about me and my partner, not dealing with crying kids during the ceremony or a toddler meltdown during dinner.
Now, here’s where it escalates. She threatened not to come at all if I don’t let her bring her kids. I told her that’s her choice, but I’m not changing my rules for anyone, not even family. Since then, she’s been telling other relatives that I’m being unreasonable and that I’m “tearing the family apart” over this.
Some of them have started to take her side, saying that it’s unfair to exclude her kids, but I feel like my wedding should be what I want. So, AITA for sticking to my child-free wedding and refusing to make an exception for my sister’s kids?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Ducky818 said:
NTA but entitled sister most certainly is. I know her kids are little angels. Doesn't everyone know that? (sarcasm). And she is wrong in that you need to make it work for everyone. You only need to make it work for you and hubby-to-be. Everyone else is extra.
mfruitfly said:
NTA. Most parents should be able to put childcare plans in place MONTHS in advance. Most adults, including parents, can appreciate a child free event. Most parents are able to make decisions about wanting to attend an event versus the process of child care, and make a decision about which they prefer, without getting emotional about it.
Sure, a family wedding adds an element of child care, because a lot of parents would look to family to babysit, and that family may be at the child free wedding. But again, months in advance means finding a professional babysitter, friend, or family not attending (like BIL family) to watch their children.
There is nothing selfish, wrong, or mean about having a child free event. If people choose to not attend because of that, that's okay too. My advice is to simply not engage in this conversation anymore. Be clear, no children will be allowed at the wedding, and so if that means your sister won't go, you understand, she will be missed, no hard feelings, and then just ignore conversation/messages about it.
On the flip side, have a plan for your sister showing up with these kids, and assign ideally a venue staff member, and if there are none (like a backyard wedding), then a friend who is good at being very stern, to ask them to leave if they show up.
Jerseygirl2468 said:
NTA so your sister doesn't have one friend, family member, in law, or coworker she could ask? Her partner isn't willing to stay home so she can see her sister get married? She just wants to get her way. Don't give in, your wedding your rules, and you were clear with PLENTY of notice. It's not your fault she thought you'd cave.
JMarchPineville said:
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. I would also let her know that if she shows up with children, she will be escorted out by security.
Oceandive4 said:
NTA. You’re free to not allow kids. She’s free to decline. End of story.
scooby946 said:
I'm guessing you didn't invite her yesterday, and she had time to plan. Even if it's going to the wedding and not the reception. NTA.
Traditional-Web5016 said:
NTA! As a parent of 3 kids, I'd love to have a day/night with nothing but other adults. Your wedding sounds like an invite to "heaven!"