'AITA for refusing to make my brother a 'grief lasagna' because I was on a date?' + UPDATE AND RECIPE
"AITA for refusing to make my brother a 'grief lasagna' because I was on a date?"
Okay, so this is gonna sound ridiculous but I swear on my air fryer this is true. I (26F) have a brother, Sam (28M), who just went through a rough breakup. Like, his girlfriend took the dog, the Instant Pot, and his dignity—that kind of breakup. I feel for him, truly. But also… I have a life.
So here’s what went down: Last Saturday night, I was on a date. Not just any date—this was Date #3 with a guy who didn’t say “Let’s circle back” or “crypto” in the first ten minutes, which, in my dating life, is basically the Holy Grail.
We’re mid-sushi when I get a barrage of texts from Sam. The gist:
“Dude. I need your grief lasagna. Like now. Emergency.”
Let me pause. Grief lasagna is something I made once when our cat died. It’s literally just lasagna, but I layered it with love, cheese, and enough emotional support that he now thinks it has healing properties. He calls it “therapy with ricotta.”
I texted back something supportive like “I’m on a date but I’ll make you a lasagna tomorrow,” and I thought that was that.
NOPE.
He proceeds to call me three times, sends a crying selfie (???), and drops a passive-aggressive “Guess I know who I can count on” text. All because I wouldn’t bail on a promising date to go full Garfield chef mode.
After the date (which, by the way, went great until my phone sounded like a nuclear alarm), I check my phone again and I’ve got a message from our mother, saying:
“You know he’s sensitive. He just needs comfort food. You could’ve been there for him.”
Ma’am. He is TWENTY-EIGHT. He has DoorDash. He has hands. He knows how to preheat an oven.
I made the lasagna the next day, but now he’s being weird and passive-aggressive, and my mom told my aunt (who now thinks I “abandoned him in his time of emotional need”) and I’m getting side-eyed at family brunch like I stole a kidney.
So, Reddit: Am I the bad apple for not dropping everything to make my grown brother a pan of grief carbs? Let me know if you want to include a spicy update, a wild family cast list, or the full lasagna recipe that started this mess.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Tell him you’ll make him lasagna to celebrate when he grows up. Sheesh 🙄
But how will he ever grow up when his mother (and his aunt, apparently) treat him like he's a baby? 😂
This seems to be the type of family where the men sit on the couch watching TV, while the women of the family serve them.
NTA - at that point I wouldn’t even make it anymore. You’re a better sister than me.
You're not the bad apple for having a life. I'm sorry your family is making you out to be the bad guy. Is he, by chance, the favorite child? Would he have dropped everything for you? Definitely want the lasagna recipe.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Hey again!
Thanks for all the comments, laughs, and mild judgment. Y’all really came through. Since this happened last week I already have an update so thought I may as well share since we have some lovely comments!
I ended up talking to Sam. He admitted he overreacted but said the lasagna just… comforts him? Like, emotionally. I guess I accidentally created a cheesy trauma support system. I told him I love him, but I’m not dropping a good third date to play barefoot Contessa every time he gets dumped. We’re cool now. I brought him a fresh lasagna the next day and he texted, “This slaps. I forgive you.” So. Brothers.
As for the date: Yes, Evan (Date Guy) is still around! When I explained the whole “grief lasagna meltdown” situation, he laughed and said, “That’s honestly adorable in a weird way.” He even asked to try it. So I might be cooking it again soon… but like, on purpose this time. Maybe for our next date?
And for the curious, here’s the not-so-magic recipe:
For the meat sauce: • 1 lb ground beef (you can also mix pork and beef for extra flavor) • 1 onion, finely chopped • 2 cloves garlic, minced • 1 can (28 oz) crushed tomatoes • 1 can (6 oz) tomato paste
• 1/2 cup red wine (optional, but it adds depth) • 1 tbsp sugar (to balance acidity) • 1 tbsp dried basil • 1 tsp dried oregano • Salt and pepper to taste • 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes (optional, for a little heat)
For the béchamel (white sauce): • 4 tbsp butter • 4 tbsp all-purpose flour • 2 1/2 cups whole milk (warmed) • 1/4 tsp nutmeg (optional, but adds a nice depth) • Salt and pepper to taste
For the lasagna: • 12 lasagna sheets (regular or no-boil, but if using regular, cook according to package directions) • 16 oz ricotta cheese • 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese • 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese • 1 egg • Fresh basil (optional, for garnish)
Eat when sad. Or hungry. Or when your brother acts like you abandoned him in the middle of an emotional tornado. Anyway, thanks for validating that I’m not a monster. Just a woman who wanted one single date night without a pasta-based breakdown.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Judging from the mom's reaction, I think we can all tell how the brother became like that...
He is definitely overly dependent on other people and that's why the gf left.
You’ve heard of Marry Me Chicken, get ready for Heal My Emotional Trauma Lasagna.
"We’re cool now. I brought him a fresh lasagna the next day and he texted, “This slaps. I forgive you.” So. Brothers."
So, OP did nothing wrong but he forgives her...Yeah, this dude has learned nothing about not using women as his emotional support staff, and I already feel sorry for his next girlfriend.
Nooooo!
Don't reward bad behavior with a reward!
Brother has learned NOTHING from this.