Woman refuses to save family business after being excluded from will due to her gender. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to offer any help to my uncles and cousins with the family business?"
ScallionTop7000
My grandfather passed away a few months ago. He had his own business that was quite successful. I (28f) was raised by my grandparents after my dad, their youngest son, died young.
When I turned 16 my grandfather brought me to work with him and he integrated me into the business. I adored that man. He trained me in all aspects of his business and once I turned 18 he hired me on full time and I became his shadow.
My uncles and some of my cousins worked for the business also but none of them took it very seriously. They treated it very much like the spoiled owners sons/grandsons. They were never well known or well liked in the company. I was known.
I had a great relationship with the people who worked for my grandfather. I had also done every job there at some point. I cleaned, I ran errands for others, I managed, I hired people. I was the person he asked to step up during his illness. I basically ran the business for almost two years.
Then his will showed another side of my grandfather. One that left me very hurt. My uncles and all of my male cousins, even the ones who have nothing to do with the business and would likely never work there, were all given a % of the business. I was given nothing related to the business. All because I was a granddaughter which was even stated in the will.
I broke down when we were told the contents of the will. My uncles and cousins were very dismissive and told me I shouldn't be so upset because I was just a girl after all and with me getting married soon I'd clearly focus on having my own family.
They said owning any % of a business is for men. I should have known how my grandfather felt. I made the decision to resign from the company following this. At first they didn't care. Some of my uncles even looked relieved to be getting rid of me.
But now that all the men are trying to run it, they realize they know nothing and nobody who works for them likes them. Apparently the employees ask them about me. I actually had some of the people I worked closely with reach out to me and say they missed me/wanted to keep in touch.
The business is suffering because my uncles and cousins are clueless. They have asked me to come back, to help them. I'm working retail right now while I figure out what I want to do with my life.
I always thought I'd work for my grandfather's company until I retire but that's not going to happen. I told my uncles and cousins no and they asked me to at least consult with them so they can get some help during this "rocky period of business" and again I said no.
They told me they need my help and I should want to help keep the family business running. I told them I had given so much to it already but they, along with grandfather in his death, made it so very clear I am not valuable to the company.
Because I'm a woman and I won't save their rears just because they ask me to after showing how little they appreciated me. They accused me of being foolish and childish. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Allaboutbird
NTA at all. The men in the family have made their bed, now they can lie in it. If they want your expertise, they can come up with a compensation package that you would be amenable to and is in keeping with your skills and the contributions you bring to the table. They can't rely on family loyalty now when they weren't willing to extend that to you before.
ScallionTop7000 (OP)
Yep. All that family loyalty has gone. I was very loyal and this is what it got me.
KrofftSurvivor
NTA - tell them you'd be happy to come back and run the business if they are willing to collectively gift you 51% ownership of the business and full control, and make that completely legal - lawyers, ppwk, fully signed, before you set foot back on the property to run things, and they can all go back to not taking it very seriously and collecting a paycheck.
They're going to be absolutely outraged, and then you can point out that they are free to continue running the business into the ground, after which they'll have to get real jobs.
And then ignore everything that is not a full legal offer as explained above. Because without you, there is no business and they are becoming rapidly aware of this and you are not responsible for propping up their poor choices. You are incredibly valuable to the business, and if they don't want to acknowledge that legally, move on and enjoy your life and let them fail. They are grown adults.
Remote_Purple_Stripe
NTA. I’m so sorry your grandfather treated you this way. If you want to work there, demand a percentage of the business up front. Tell your relatives you will go in as an owner or not at all. Hire a lawyer to look over any offer they make. Honestly though, you may be happier and make more money using your skills in the wider market.
WEM-2022
NTA. Since men are so much more worthy, they can figure it out. Take everything you learned and go apply it to a competitor. Or, BE the competitor. If you happen to run them into the ground along the way, oh well, too bad, so sad.
CozyPoo
NTA 100% This is such a sexist, patriarchy like way to run a business. It's gonna ultimately doom it, as you are witnessing now. You deserve way better OP. Don't go back and help them if this is how they wanna treat you after you put so much effort into keeping it going.
Although that said. Do stay in contact with some of your former non-family colleagues that are showing genuine concern and ask about you. No harm staying connected with them, cuz if the business fails to the ground (which is the direction it is going towards) it's likely they're not gonna want to sink with that ship either.
They may be willing to follow you to your next venture, or at least be good references too for each other, which there is no harm in if they were good coworkers.